Moving on

Hi guys,

As you can see, I don’t update this blog anymore. I have move to new a domain. I hope you will still follow me and hope to see you around.

La Chica Fabulosa

I miss receiving a lot of comments and I do hope you’d still like my new blog.

See you there..

 

 

In the eyes if a child

My song for my lil one Inigo Miguel… I love you so much my little angel. It’s you and Mama till the end. Thanks for giving me new meaning to my life…

When you look to the past for life’s long hidden meaning

For the dreams and the plans made in your youth

Does the thrill to achieve match the warm hidden feeling

That lies so still and lives in you


In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child


You’ve found the place to walk the path you’ve chosen

You’ll never miss the world you left behind

When life gives life, it’s happiness unbroken

When you give love, it’s love you’ll find


In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child


In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child


In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

Me and my lil man

When do you say goodbye? I guess what I did last night was right. I thought I could hold on longer but I was wrong. I don’t want my lil man see me and his dad fighting all the time. I think we better off as friends. I know, I shouldn’t gave up but for the sake of our child, I’d rather have him as a friend and have our lil man see us happy together than as couples who always fights and argue all the time.

I’ve got plans after giving birth. As I told him last December, even just after giving birth…. And now I gave birth, I guess I ought to keep my promise.. I will give him the freedom he wants. I know he would say he doesn’t want to end this, but what I know right now is that maybe he just can’t say goodbye.

It hurts a lot but I’ve got to be strong for my kid. Having Bell’s palsy is also something that I need to work on. I am glad that I have found a good-hearted employer online who is willing to give me a job. I am intending to keep it, and do my best to make her happy with my job. Even just for my kid, life has to go on. I shouldn’t stop even if I am tired. Yes, I think one thing I’ve learned from my child’s dad is never stop even if you are tired. There’s no room for tiredness.

Our future together is unknown. But whatever that awaits for me and my man, I will just enjoy the journey. Before I travel alone, but now I’ve got my lil man travelling with me in this journey called life..

My ordeal with Bell’s Palsy

I haven’t blog anything lately since I just gave birth to a wonderful boy last December 29, 2009 at UPHR Las Pinas. Everything was fine until last Dec 31 when I feel suddenly numbness on my left side of my face. I thought it was just something like an allergic reaction. Then morning of January 1, while brushing my teeth, I can’t really gargle on my left face. And I noticed, my left eye can’t even blink. I called our family doctor and told him about it, first it was thought to be an allergy so he gave me claritin. But nothing changed. Till he mentioned it could be “BELL’S PALSY”. I was so scared hearing that word. What could be this Bell’s palsy thing.

Okay what is a Bell’s Palsy?

Bell’s palsy weakens or paralyzes the muscles on one side of the face. When something is paralyzed, it can’t move, so half of the person’s face might look stiff or droopy. The paralysis does not last forever, but someone who has it will have trouble moving one side of his or her face.

Bell’s palsy can develop over a matter of days. Because it can happen suddenly, someone might think the problem is a stroke — when a blood vessel in the brain gets clogged or bursts. Like Bell’s palsy, a stroke can paralyze a person’s face. But Bell’s palsy is caused by nerve trouble and isn’t as serious as a stroke. Bell’s palsy can be scary, but it usually doesn’t last long and goes away without treatment.

Bell’s palsy was named after a Scottish doctor, Sir Charles Bell, who studied the two facial nerves that direct how the face moves. You have one facial nerve for each side of your face. These nerves send messages from the brain to the face. Through these messages, the facial nerves control the muscles of your face, forehead, and neck.

Facial nerves control the expressions you make — like raising your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut, or smiling. Each facial nerve starts in the brain, goes through the skull in a narrow tube of bone, and exits the skull behind the ear. From there, it splits into smaller branches of nerves that attach to the muscles of the face, neck, and ear. Other small nerve branches run to the glands that make saliva, the glands that make tears, and the front of the tongue.

Okay, then after that our doctor prescribed me a medicine called Polynerve. On Jan 2, my hubby rushed me to the ER of UPHR and I was given steriods. I was freaking out when they told me it will take MONTHS before I can get my face back.

I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking which I love to do. I’ve got lots of plans after giving birth like looking for a job and all.  But now I am stuck here at home feeling miserable. The only thing that gave me strength right now is my baby..

I hope to get well within two weeks. Please to those who will be able to read this blog, please pray for my fast recovery.. I have to do what I’ve got to do for my newborn son🙂

Thanks guys…

The Bitter truth

Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning.Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~Marco R. Capristo

finally found her– The love of my life! Too bad her girlfriend Found her first. ~Edward Etter

I’m walking down the street and i see you caught my attention your shirt that’s blue how pathetic am I? To fall on color blue not on the person wearing through. Is it love? Or juz another feeling that will tear me of. ~Anonymous

It’s better to have never felt the happiness of love than to be tortured by the pain of it ending. ~Mike

Im jealous of every girl who has ever hugged you, because for that one moment they held my entire world tears are like kisses, the only real ones are the ones you cant hold back never make someone your everything, because when they are gone you have nothing. You will never know true pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love, and they look away The scars are nothing compared to the pain that put them there goodbye is only painful when you know you can never say hello again How can you learn from your mistakes when mistakes are all you’ve ever made What’s the point in living when the ones you love the most refuse to love you break my heart and tell me lies, because eventually every heart dies. -Michelle Mace

The word love… is so powerfull that once a guy says it they have total access to a girls heart… but no matter how many times a girl says it she cant stop them from leaving with it… ~Anonymous

Where did life go?…and why did it run away??…and how come evrrything has to change? ~Anonymous

A millon words would not bring u back…i know cause ive tried…and a millon tears wouldnt either…i know because ive cried ~Anonymous

You smile when your feel like crying…you act like your okay..when your really falling apart inside…and you let it go….you move on because thres nothing else u can do or say. ~Anonymous

If he was stupid enough to walk away be smart enough to let him go. ~Anonymous

Live your life as it’s givin onse, use it as you wish, laugh on tough day’s and drop a tear or two on death day’s. Life is good and so is time. Love every moment of it and you will be fine. ~Shaima mohammed

Love is thinking about them all day and all night no matter how hard you try to stop. Love is every morning you wake up he is the 1st face that pops in your mind and the last face b4 u fall asleep. Love is the tickles that you get in your tummy everytime you see their face in ur head. Love is the warmth and protection you felt the first time u saw him Love is the best feeling you could ever have U have the key to my heart Ur the only one to come in Someday U’ll find the way! I Love U!!! ~Anonymous

I would love to be what i like to love what i am. ~Orion

ex boyfriends are like herpes, once u have them u can never get rid of them and when they break through it gets messy. ~Anonymous

the person you would call a sholder to cry on is the person that mad you cry… tell me whats worse than that ? ~Anonymous

If tomorrow can be terrible than today.. today is better. If tomorrow is better than today..today is the worst. If today and tomorrow are going to be the same…. i am happy. ~Tina

P-Perfect, R-Radiant, I-Irresistible, N-Never- Wrong , C-Cute, E-Everything Cute and Adorable, S-Super Woman S-Soooo SpecialPrincess=ME! ~Anonymous

Love is like a roller coaster when it’s all over you throw up ~Brooke

Guys are like dogs. Put them on a leash and they’ll be chassing every puss in sight! ~Brittany Abner

So I don’t make you happy anymore so let me be and send me back to my maker. ~Anonymous

i pretend to be the girl youre looking for to fall madly deeply in love but it back fires and turns to hatred. ~Anonymous

Don’t you love it when a guy’s arm goes all the way around you when you’re kissing; and the girl next to you thinking the same thing? ~Nicole

A wise girl kisses, but doesn’t love…listens but doesn’t believe and leaves before she is left. ~Natalie

Love Starts with a smile….grows with a kiss…and ends with a tear. -Kourtney

Sometimes It’s Best To Leave Your Ex’s Where You Found Them!!!! -Anonymous

when you are born the people around you are smiling and you are crying live your life so that when you die your the one smiling and the people around you are crying. -Anonymous

if barbie has so many friends why do you have to buy them? -Anonymous

If something is not worth fighting for, then it is not worth keeping. -Leena

They say to follow your heart, but how can you when it is blinded by love. -Anonymous

shit happens, if it’s yours wipe it up. –LRT

If you want to get the chances. You got to beat the odds. -Anonymous

To Every Girl It only takes one bad boyfriend to realize that you deserve SO much more. -Anonymous

Keep Talkin’ cus I love It! Its when they stop talking about you that you gotta start worryin! -Anonymous

Humans will kill each other…And when the last one stands among the corpses of his brothers….It is then that he will beg for death. Humans will curse their friends… Till he has no more… And in the end he’ll realize… He’s all alone. Humanity will kill for riches…. And then kill one another. By the time man realizes he cannot eat money….They will begin to eat each other. Have not pity. They are but animals. Killing the planet. And destroying their souls.  -Rooster

And I wait… For an endless song that never starts, For a cure to the age-old broken heart. ~Janessa

There’s a difference between optimism and naïveté… ~Janessa

Laugh and the world laughs with you… cry and the world laughs at you -Hevinlee Melton

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upsetis a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. -Dirissy

For the ones who are Luckly, lucky they are. For those who aren’t lucky, let them make there choice. -Dark Magnus

This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. -Fight Club

There comes a point in every girls life where she realizes that she just needs to let it go, I mean nothings ever gonna change the fact that at one point I really did love you with everything in me…It’s just the fact that I simply cannot do this to myself and I cannot make this work …face it baby we’re in a lose-lose situation…and as far as you’re concerned i’m just on one of my “im leaving for good this time” kicks again, but the olny difference is this time it’s real… I’m done, and don’t bother because you’re never gonna change, honestly you CAN’T change & we BOTH know that…So when you finally realized that I loved you anyway more than I ever could have loved anyone else, you’ll see something more in me, something that you’re forced to live without.

Can you see it? It’s in my sweet sweet smile! Its in my laugh! Its in my eyes! its there can you see it now? its the pain of leaving you!!!!! -Emily W

Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself. ~Emon

Loving a man is like loving a child, if you dont correct them when they upset you….they will never learn how to treat you with respect. ~Emma

You told me what I wanted to hear, but it was just a sweet nothing whispered in every girls ear. Sometimes A Sorry Being Said By The Mouth… Means Nothing From The Heart… ~Thuy(Twee)D

Time heals and reveals. ~Valerie

Some of us think holding on makes us stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go that proves our real strength! ~Alicia

Yet Again, It has been proven to me, that no matter what…I will always be considered the exspendable person. ~Jessi

The only true painful good-byes are the ones that are never said and never explained. ~Farah Jawaid

Falling in love is like falling off a building it dosent hurt till the end. ~Unknown

Just when you thought you had it all, it all falls apart. ~Jess

A friend hears the words you say a true friends reads the feels in between the words and when together with a true friend and you’re are feeling down words are not needed. ~Unknown

If you love someone, give them the option to leave, but never give them a reason to. ~Unknown

Only someone who has cried a great deal understands why someone else wants to stop the tears. ~V.C. Andrews

True love is like Santa, you grow up believing in it then find out it just doesn’t exsist. ~ Angela

The last time I got over you, you were lying flat on your face and all I had to do was jump… ~Jessica

In the whole of the universe there are only two: the lover and the beloved. ~Bhai Sahib

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. ~William Shakespeare

I existed from all eternity and, behold, I am here; and I shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end. ~Kahlil Gibran

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.  Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. ~James Baldwin

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. ~H.L. Mencken

Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun. ~Don Marquis

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. ~William Jennings Bryan

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ~Albert Einstein

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. ~T.S. Eliot

We never know the worth of water ’til the well is dry. ~English Proverb

EX-boyfriends are like bad smells that linger in your mind. The only way to get rid of them is to pretend they are not there or replace them!

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans.  After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, And you really do have worth.

Yes, there are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.

Sometimes the Only Harder then Finding the Man of Your Dreams is Losing Him.

It is said that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But, it is also true that you don’t know what you have been missing until it arrives!

They say follow your heart. But when your heart is in so many pieces. Which way are you to follow?

No man is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.

If you love something, and are dumb enough to let it go..you didn’t deserve it in the first place.

Tears of sadness make room in your heart for joy.

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion.

If you had to chose between someone you love or someone who loves you, pick the person who loves you because you can learn to love someone but you cant make someone love you back.

I wish i were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person started hating us, but because we found out that they’d be happier if we let them go.

I can say I’m fine when you don’t see me cry. I can say I could move on when I can’t even try. I can say I’m happy when I just wanna die, but there’s one thing I can’t say…” love you” when you said, “goodbye.”

I cry for the time you were almost mine, I cry for the memories you’ve left behind. I cry for the pain, the lost, the old, and the new… I cry for the times I thought I had you.

What do I have to do to make you notice me too? What do I have to say to make you fell this way? What do I have to be to make you start loving me?

It’s hard to pretend you love someone  if you really don’t, but it’s harder to pretend you don’t love someone if you really do.

It’s better to love someone you can’t have than to have someone you can’t love.

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? Why is it that I miss someone I was never with? And I’ll ask why I love someone whose love was never mine.

Once in my life I laughed. Once in my life that empty space in my heart was filled. Once in my life I loved someone more than anything in this world. For once in my life, I had you.

When you love someone you must be ready to sacrifice anything, even if that anything includes your happiness.

When you love, you must not expect anything in return, for if you do you are not loving but investing. If you love, you must prefer to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you are not loving, but using.

The hardest thing in life is watching somone you love, fall in love with somebody else. Nothing is more painful then realizing they meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him. Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back.

Forgive

I have been spending time with my new found friend. Never did I expect I would find that sister I was looking for, for a long time. In her I feel strong and wise, which I never felt when I was with my true sister. Sometimes, the family you were looking for can be found in other people. It’s the reality I have experienced and I must say, “reality bites”…

Anyways, she’s been going through tough times now. She is realizing some truths about her friends and ex love. I think this poem is appropriate for her.. I hope she likes it…

You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I’ll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I’ll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I’ll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I’ll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I’ll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I’ll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I’ll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I’ll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,

And I’ll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I’ll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

Part 2 – My life story

Alright after receiving that heart warming and uplifting email from my aunt, my life has changed. I made a lot of realization now. I never had the genuine love from my family. All these years, I thought I was doing okay, being neglected and all. Why do I say I was neglected? I never experienced them genuinely care how I really feel. Even if I am in front of them and other people, they would tell those people how bad I am. I thought I would be fine because I learned to build walls around me.

But behind that wall, I gathered all my strength just in case they will be successful hurting me again. Since I was a kid, I can’t remember where my mom would hug me and comfort me whenever I cry or sad. I grew up with nanny. Whenever I try to approach my mom and tries to tell her “Hey mom, I’ve got a problem”, she would start yelling and accusing me of starting that problem.

I remember when I was in high school, we all know how high school works. Bullies are everywhere. I joined this COCC (Cadet Officer Candidate Course) so I can be an officer when I’m on my 4th year. I was bullied and was even threatened that I will be beaten up by some 4th year high school girls. I was alone in that school, I only have few friends but sad to say, fighting isn’t their style. So to my fear going to school, I called up my mom and cried and beg her to transfer to another school. I explained what happened and the only reply I got from her was “Are you taking drugs?”.. From then on, I know I have to survive. I worked my best to be able to get that acceleration test for me to enter college. I passed, with flying colors.

Then when I was in college, I learned that survival… Whenever I’ve got problems, I never tell it to her. Why? I would only get some physical abuse from her or verbal so why would I even bother right.

I graduated in college, my aunt who sent me to school (the one who sent the email) instilled in my head that I need to finish college so I can work for my family. I worked hard and during my college days, I would only get PHP100 a week for allowance, I go to school with a tricycle that costs me PHP10 and walk going home after school. My school starts at 12 noon and ends at 6 pm or sometimes 9, so its bearable for me to walk from school going home.

I graduated when I was 18, worked and my mind says I have to work for my family. Whenever I get my salary, I would only leave enough money for me to survive for the next payday and the rest goes to my family. I try and look for every possible way to get a higher pay. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve been through during my college days.

Our family business was bankrupt. My dad is sick and our small business which he set up after the bankruptcy barely even covers our daily expense. There were times when we have to share one plastic of bread bun (there’s 6 of us) for the whole day. We would usually ask our neighbor who has a store for some goods in credit. That stuck in my head.

So when I finally got a job just right after graduation, I told myself, it won’t happen to me again. I worked so hard that I even neglect buying rewards for my hard work. Coz I feel bad and would always think that “Hey I need to save this money so I can use this for our expenses in our house”. All throughout my working career, I never had the chance to buy those expensive cellphone gadgets nor shop for clothes. All of my stuff were hand me down clothes of my aunt from US which she sends through package. In my mind, whenever I see something I like to buy, I would tell myself, ” Not now, there’s a package coming”.

I deprived myself having some luxuries because I’m thinking of being responsible for house expenses. I saved my money, just in case someone would be sick. And it happened, my dad was confined. He got sick and everything I saved were gone.

I never regret that, don’t get me wrong. But what I can’t accept is being accused of killing my father. And being selfish and all. Don’t I have the right to complain that I’m tired? Don’t I have the right to say how I feel. Despite all of my efforts to provide for my family, all I get were criticisms. Comments that would usually break my heart.

I don’t know if I am that bad. I just want to be happy now. And that happiness is what I found from my hubby. My hubby gave me things I deprived myself for a long time. And even helped me out to bring back the self esteem I lost because of those hurting words I got from my own family and relatives. And I realized, hey I’ve been living my life like a robot. All my life, I gave it to my family. Thinking it is my responsibility to make them comfortable regardless of my own happiness. I realized, I have lived my life in guilt because after my father died, they instilled in my head, it was my fault my father died. (My father died in ICU because of complications of diabetic.) I realized, I lived my life trying to please other people and depriving myself from own happiness. I realized that all these time, regardless of what I do, it will never be enough for them. I realized that I sacrificed having a good life just because I want give good and comfortable life to my family. I realized that I may owe them because they provide for my schooling and they feed when till I was in college but that doesn’t mean I have to take shits from them. I have worked right after college and didn’t give myself anything as a reward for my hardwork.

With these realizations, I came to a decision…. I will live my life first for my baby now and my hubby. I don’t want to neglect it and deprive myself again from happiness that I deserve.  I will live my life to the fullest now…

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE WITH REGRETS. NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE EASY BUT I KNOW IT’S GONNA BE WORTH IT…

Previous Older Entries