Business….

Oh finally, im on the last part legwork of my business. My hubby gave me this Kowloon Franchise which will serve as my baby too. I had a very hectic schedule today, went to my store to take photos since my business permit isn’t the normal one. I need to secure to historical clearance and the likes. But finally it’s almost done. Hopefully, next week I will be able to start. 🙂

Last night, my hubby mentioned to me that instead of our plan in going to Greece alone, he said we might as well have like his friend’s cruise… A Mediterranean tour…. I was shocked and stunned. Didn’t expect I’d be able to have such cruise. Anyways, it will be next year so I will have lots of time to prepare my body after giving birth.

And right now, I am overwhelmed with the blessings I am receiving. Having a great husband, expecting for a wonderful kid, my family and my new baby, My Kowloon franchise….

Love you baby!

….

As I move forward and excited about the baby, there are still some anxieties that I cannot remove from my head. Anxieties that I just all within myself.

It’s hard to pretend it’s not happening, but why not, it is happening to me. It’s here, a reality I cannot ignore. Does it always have to include pains in every joy a person will have? Or can it just be plain happiness with no consequences involved? I have tried to live a fair life, a life wherein other people’s need is more important than my needs. I have neglected my needs for a long time and it’s not good.

Now the happiness I am longing for is within my reach or shall I say it’s in my hand but why can’t I be happy without feeling this pain inside me. I try to tell myself, it’s all in my head but it is not. No matter what I do, it’s there, right in front of my face.

How can I be truly happy? Is it something that’s so hard to achieve? Something I don’t deserve?

Why I cant have the whole pie, but instead just have a slice of it and share the entire pie with others?

Why? Am I that bad? Do I deserve this? I know a lot of people will just tell me, then walk away… But how can you walk away from the only happiness you ever have in your entire life? I wish it could be that easy… I wish it’s as easy as saying, “Leave if you can’t take it anymore”… But it’s not the solution to problem. It’s just an immediate solution but not a lifetime one. Once it’s there, the effect could be far worse than holding on.

Now what am I suppose to do, I’m lost and confused..