….

As I move forward and excited about the baby, there are still some anxieties that I cannot remove from my head. Anxieties that I just all within myself.

It’s hard to pretend it’s not happening, but why not, it is happening to me. It’s here, a reality I cannot ignore. Does it always have to include pains in every joy a person will have? Or can it just be plain happiness with no consequences involved? I have tried to live a fair life, a life wherein other people’s need is more important than my needs. I have neglected my needs for a long time and it’s not good.

Now the happiness I am longing for is within my reach or shall I say it’s in my hand but why can’t I be happy without feeling this pain inside me. I try to tell myself, it’s all in my head but it is not. No matter what I do, it’s there, right in front of my face.

How can I be truly happy? Is it something that’s so hard to achieve? Something I don’t deserve?

Why I cant have the whole pie, but instead just have a slice of it and share the entire pie with others?

Why? Am I that bad? Do I deserve this? I know a lot of people will just tell me, then walk away… But how can you walk away from the only happiness you ever have in your entire life? I wish it could be that easy… I wish it’s as easy as saying, “Leave if you can’t take it anymore”… But it’s not the solution to problem. It’s just an immediate solution but not a lifetime one. Once it’s there, the effect could be far worse than holding on.

Now what am I suppose to do, I’m lost and confused..

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. milad
    Jul 12, 2009 @ 11:42:03

    hi

    Reply

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