In the eyes if a child

My song for my lil one Inigo Miguel… I love you so much my little angel. It’s you and Mama till the end. Thanks for giving me new meaning to my life…

When you look to the past for life’s long hidden meaning

For the dreams and the plans made in your youth

Does the thrill to achieve match the warm hidden feeling

That lies so still and lives in you

In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

You’ve found the place to walk the path you’ve chosen

You’ll never miss the world you left behind

When life gives life, it’s happiness unbroken

When you give love, it’s love you’ll find

In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

My ordeal with Bell’s Palsy

I haven’t blog anything lately since I just gave birth to a wonderful boy last December 29, 2009 at UPHR Las Pinas. Everything was fine until last Dec 31 when I feel suddenly numbness on my left side of my face. I thought it was just something like an allergic reaction. Then morning of January 1, while brushing my teeth, I can’t really gargle on my left face. And I noticed, my left eye can’t even blink. I called our family doctor and told him about it, first it was thought to be an allergy so he gave me claritin. But nothing changed. Till he mentioned it could be “BELL’S PALSY”. I was so scared hearing that word. What could be this Bell’s palsy thing.

Okay what is a Bell’s Palsy?

Bell’s palsy weakens or paralyzes the muscles on one side of the face. When something is paralyzed, it can’t move, so half of the person’s face might look stiff or droopy. The paralysis does not last forever, but someone who has it will have trouble moving one side of his or her face.

Bell’s palsy can develop over a matter of days. Because it can happen suddenly, someone might think the problem is a stroke — when a blood vessel in the brain gets clogged or bursts. Like Bell’s palsy, a stroke can paralyze a person’s face. But Bell’s palsy is caused by nerve trouble and isn’t as serious as a stroke. Bell’s palsy can be scary, but it usually doesn’t last long and goes away without treatment.

Bell’s palsy was named after a Scottish doctor, Sir Charles Bell, who studied the two facial nerves that direct how the face moves. You have one facial nerve for each side of your face. These nerves send messages from the brain to the face. Through these messages, the facial nerves control the muscles of your face, forehead, and neck.

Facial nerves control the expressions you make — like raising your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut, or smiling. Each facial nerve starts in the brain, goes through the skull in a narrow tube of bone, and exits the skull behind the ear. From there, it splits into smaller branches of nerves that attach to the muscles of the face, neck, and ear. Other small nerve branches run to the glands that make saliva, the glands that make tears, and the front of the tongue.

Okay, then after that our doctor prescribed me a medicine called Polynerve. On Jan 2, my hubby rushed me to the ER of UPHR and I was given steriods. I was freaking out when they told me it will take MONTHS before I can get my face back.

I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking which I love to do. I’ve got lots of plans after giving birth like looking for a job and all.  But now I am stuck here at home feeling miserable. The only thing that gave me strength right now is my baby..

I hope to get well within two weeks. Please to those who will be able to read this blog, please pray for my fast recovery.. I have to do what I’ve got to do for my newborn son 🙂

Thanks guys…

Part 2 – My life story

Alright after receiving that heart warming and uplifting email from my aunt, my life has changed. I made a lot of realization now. I never had the genuine love from my family. All these years, I thought I was doing okay, being neglected and all. Why do I say I was neglected? I never experienced them genuinely care how I really feel. Even if I am in front of them and other people, they would tell those people how bad I am. I thought I would be fine because I learned to build walls around me.

But behind that wall, I gathered all my strength just in case they will be successful hurting me again. Since I was a kid, I can’t remember where my mom would hug me and comfort me whenever I cry or sad. I grew up with nanny. Whenever I try to approach my mom and tries to tell her “Hey mom, I’ve got a problem”, she would start yelling and accusing me of starting that problem.

I remember when I was in high school, we all know how high school works. Bullies are everywhere. I joined this COCC (Cadet Officer Candidate Course) so I can be an officer when I’m on my 4th year. I was bullied and was even threatened that I will be beaten up by some 4th year high school girls. I was alone in that school, I only have few friends but sad to say, fighting isn’t their style. So to my fear going to school, I called up my mom and cried and beg her to transfer to another school. I explained what happened and the only reply I got from her was “Are you taking drugs?”.. From then on, I know I have to survive. I worked my best to be able to get that acceleration test for me to enter college. I passed, with flying colors.

Then when I was in college, I learned that survival… Whenever I’ve got problems, I never tell it to her. Why? I would only get some physical abuse from her or verbal so why would I even bother right.

I graduated in college, my aunt who sent me to school (the one who sent the email) instilled in my head that I need to finish college so I can work for my family. I worked hard and during my college days, I would only get PHP100 a week for allowance, I go to school with a tricycle that costs me PHP10 and walk going home after school. My school starts at 12 noon and ends at 6 pm or sometimes 9, so its bearable for me to walk from school going home.

I graduated when I was 18, worked and my mind says I have to work for my family. Whenever I get my salary, I would only leave enough money for me to survive for the next payday and the rest goes to my family. I try and look for every possible way to get a higher pay. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve been through during my college days.

Our family business was bankrupt. My dad is sick and our small business which he set up after the bankruptcy barely even covers our daily expense. There were times when we have to share one plastic of bread bun (there’s 6 of us) for the whole day. We would usually ask our neighbor who has a store for some goods in credit. That stuck in my head.

So when I finally got a job just right after graduation, I told myself, it won’t happen to me again. I worked so hard that I even neglect buying rewards for my hard work. Coz I feel bad and would always think that “Hey I need to save this money so I can use this for our expenses in our house”. All throughout my working career, I never had the chance to buy those expensive cellphone gadgets nor shop for clothes. All of my stuff were hand me down clothes of my aunt from US which she sends through package. In my mind, whenever I see something I like to buy, I would tell myself, ” Not now, there’s a package coming”.

I deprived myself having some luxuries because I’m thinking of being responsible for house expenses. I saved my money, just in case someone would be sick. And it happened, my dad was confined. He got sick and everything I saved were gone.

I never regret that, don’t get me wrong. But what I can’t accept is being accused of killing my father. And being selfish and all. Don’t I have the right to complain that I’m tired? Don’t I have the right to say how I feel. Despite all of my efforts to provide for my family, all I get were criticisms. Comments that would usually break my heart.

I don’t know if I am that bad. I just want to be happy now. And that happiness is what I found from my hubby. My hubby gave me things I deprived myself for a long time. And even helped me out to bring back the self esteem I lost because of those hurting words I got from my own family and relatives. And I realized, hey I’ve been living my life like a robot. All my life, I gave it to my family. Thinking it is my responsibility to make them comfortable regardless of my own happiness. I realized, I have lived my life in guilt because after my father died, they instilled in my head, it was my fault my father died. (My father died in ICU because of complications of diabetic.) I realized, I lived my life trying to please other people and depriving myself from own happiness. I realized that all these time, regardless of what I do, it will never be enough for them. I realized that I sacrificed having a good life just because I want give good and comfortable life to my family. I realized that I may owe them because they provide for my schooling and they feed when till I was in college but that doesn’t mean I have to take shits from them. I have worked right after college and didn’t give myself anything as a reward for my hardwork.

With these realizations, I came to a decision…. I will live my life first for my baby now and my hubby. I don’t want to neglect it and deprive myself again from happiness that I deserve.  I will live my life to the fullest now…


A very heartwarming letter from my aunt…

I don’t know but I just cant take it anymore. I know I should be posting a personal email to me specially if its something that isn’t so good. But hey, this is my blog. This is my own space right? Anyways, I will be posting it here and try my best to translate it in English for those people who can’t understand Tagalog… Here it goes:

My aunt October 12 at 9:25am Report


Siguro kahit puro baba-e ang mga anak mo wala ka ring suerte, hamak mo para ka nilang ginagawa na parang katulong, particularly si (ME). (Maybe even your children were all girls, you still have no luck. Imagine, you were being treated like a maid particularly (ME))

I dont understand bakit ganyan ang mga iyan parang di ka niya nanay.Dios ko , Day mula tayo naging bata di man lang natin nagawa iyan kay Nanay.Ni panty natin di ni Nanay na narasan na palabhin nation siya kahit ano sa mga gamit natin. (I dont understand why they are like that as if you were not their mother. For Christ sake, Day since we were kids we were not able to do that to our mother.Our mom never experienced washing any of our clothes not even our underwears)

Day, naka-awa ka sa situation mo siguro kasi ang tingin nila sa iyo walang pera , di ko sukat akala-in itong si (ME), bakit ganyan siya sa iyo kay ED, nahalos ibuhos mo ang buhay mo sa kanila, ganyan pa ang trato niya sa iyo para kang mutchacha tratuhin. (Day, I feel bad for your situation, maybe they think you don’t have money. I cannot imagine (ME), why she’s like that to you where in you almost give your whole life for them and yet they are still treating you like this, like their maid.)

Minsan pagnai-sip kita, na-aawa talaga ako sa iyo. Sa tatlo mong anak alam ko kong sino tlaga ang magmamahal sa iyo at patunayan ko sa iyo kong sino ang walang kuwenta din pagdating ng oras. (Sometimes, when I think of you, I feel bad for you. With your three kids, I know who really loves you and I will prove to you who among them is useless to you in the future)

Isa ito sa mga advises ko sa iyo noong mga bata pa tayo, pero sinunod mo ang puso mo di utak, ako utak ang pina-iral pero sabihin ko pang nakarating man ako kong sa-an minahal ko ang mga magulang natin . (This is one of my advises to you since we were kids, but you still follow your heart and not your head. I used my head but even if I say I get to where I am now, I loved our parents.)

Di ko nagawa kila nanay ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo.I’m so sorry, sis.Haya-an mo Day, pag-uwi ko sa July magkikita tayo kahit sa-sn pero di sa mga anak natatakot ako sa kanila. (I never did what (ME) has done to you. I’m so sorry ss. Don’t worry, when I go there by July, we will see each other but never your children since I am afraid of them).

Nakakilabot ang mga bibig nila at mga ugali… I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary at nakapangilabot isipin . (Their mouth and attitudes are scary. I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary)

Take it easy baka ikamatay mo pa ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo na para kang Maid.(palamunin ka na pala niya, sabi ko sa iyo umalis kana diyan sa partment na iyan .)nakalimot na siya na mas marami siyang utang sa iyo kahit tambakan para siya. (Take it easy coz whatever (ME) is doin to you might cause your death because she is treating you like a maid. (she’s feeding you already huh. Leave that apartment. She already forget that she owes you alot even if she works her whole life)

Take it easy sis marunong ang dios. (Take it easy sis, God knows best)..

Alright now here’s my side…

1.) since I graduated  in college when I was 18, I never had the chance to enjoy my own salary. Why? Because it was in my head that my aunt sent me to college so I can work for my family after I graduated. So after graduation, I’m lucky to found a job. Whatever I am earning, I would only set aside money enough for me to survive till my next payout. NO EXTRA MONEY SET ASIDE FOR CLOTHES OR OTHER LEISURE. I always  budget my money even with my last job that I should not exceed certain amount for my food and transpo. Everything is calculated. If I overspend today, rest assured I will cut down something for my tomorrow’s expense.

2.) 10 years of working straight ( graduated from college when I was 18), and I never had the chance to buy anything for myself. Not even a brand new phone. Everything else, came from my aunt’s hand me down clothes that she sent through package. I never had the chance to experience shopping for my clothes, shoes, coz what I would usually think is the house expenses I have to pay when payday comes.

3.) I worked for call center for almost 5 years. Without me experiencing a day shift. Everything is GRAVEYARD SHIFT. So I was like an owl for 5 years. Why? Of course because of the extra pay I would get through night diff and other perks. I was able to save 350K. I was saving this because I want to start a rice dealership business.  But unfortunately, my dad was hospitalized and died after a week. So everything i saved went there.

But last Wednesday, my mom told me I killed my father. Why? Because I gvae him heartaches and the likes. See, since my father died, my family accused me of killing my father. All my life, I never said or mention any problem to them.

I remember whenever I’ve got problem in school before and tries to talk to my mom, she would just yell at me, spank me, slap me, grab my hair, pinch me or sometimes strangled me.  So I grew up with my nanny. I’ve went a lot since m high school days, its all in me but I never told anybody in my family. Because I know nobody would care to listen.

So now I finished college and worked, I worked hard for them. Not even thinking whether I will be sick or not. What’s important is for me to earn and gave them money. But despite this, it’s never enough.

I never treated my mom like a maid. I can do my own thing, but she would clean my room, wash my clothes in her own free will. I asked her to get a maid once, and she got me a maid who spreads gossip in the neighborhood that she wishes me to lose my baby. So I fired her. Then I asked her again to find me one but now, she refused. Coz she wants someone whom she can control and spreads gossip too.

I don’t understand why she has to make up stories about me, my sister or my brother so she can get money from my Aunt in US. I feel so so bad. All these years that I worked my ass for them, I didn’t know I’m still the bad one. I really don’t know what to do.

I have my own family now, and until the day she was here, I am the one paying the house rent, electricity, water bills, grocery AS IN EVERYTHING! It has been like that since I graduated.

All these time, I thought I was really bad. Until I met my hubby who tries to bring back my self esteem which I lost becase f the cruel comments I received from my family.

Sometimes I wanna go away from them. Have no contact or whatsoever with them. I was only asking my mom to pay me the house rent which she lent to her friend since her friend needs stethoscope for her son. Imagine STETHOSCOPE VS. OUR HOUSE. And it’s alright is she asked permission from me first but she never did. When we asked we have 3 months left behind already with the rent. I badly need that money, so I can move out and look for a new place. But I doubt if she will ever pay me. 😦

I never killed my father. God knows how much I worked hard for them. Why am I still the bad one in this story. 😦

My baby stuff

being mom for the first time gives me mixed feelings. Excitement, fear, joy and anticipation. And since I am on my 25th weeks now, I bought basic stuff my baby will need in the hospital.  I wanna share to you the things I bought yesterday for my kiddo… 🙂

Baby bag

Shirts, sandos, pajamas, shorts and bibs

Sandos and shirts

Pajama and short

Mittens, booties and bonnets

microfiber towels

Infants blanket

Infant blanket

hypoallergenic pillows

first grooming tools

clothes diaper




baby basic stuff

We are still hoping for a girl though… I hope it’s a girl. Although in my last ultrasound, it looks like it’s a boy.  Anyways, as long as the baby is healthy, normal and fine…

Till then

Bataan getaway

I have neglected my blog for long time now and honestly I am overwhelmed with what’s going on with my life. But anyways, last May 7, my hubby and I decided to have a getaway to Bataan.

As a matter of fact, it was our second option. Our first plan was to go to Boracay, However, due to budget issues, (kuripot na naman ako), I chose a place just within Luzon. I understand that there are budget trip from Cebu Pacific however we thought that we need to leave the island around 5 am just to get the flight back to Manila.

So finally, we end up in Bataan. I finally found this getaway from Manila and I must admit, ’twas really great.

On our first day, it wasn’t that nice. Emong just met us as we travel the SCTEX. And when we arrived at the resort, my hubby and I went to the shore and watch those huge waves. Here are some photos:






Yeah as you can see, we were telling each other that it won’t be a good idea to go to Bataan at this time. But positive me, told my hubby, “Hey, don;t worry tomorrow will be a sunny day”..

So the following day, we were greeted with a cheerful sun. And I knew it will be great day for the two of us. Here are the photos of the resort while sunny…
















Oh well, this is our first trip when I was 6 weeks pregnant. We promised to have more trips by next year after giving birth.

Till next time…

And it’s here.. Finally..

Oh well I have not updating my blog lately since I need a bed rest. I am currently on my way to 6 weeks pregnancy and getting and getting excited to see my baby.

I hope that my baby will be a girl, and that she will grow  God fearing, loving, healthy and most of all strong like his papa.

Oh my hubby is so excited, we are both hoping to have a baby girl so he could have his princess. 🙂

There is nothing more exciting and fun knowing that I will be a mom soon.  But whenever I think of my angel’s coming, there are still some fear in me that sets in. Most of all is, will I ever be a good mom?

I just hope that I will be able to raise my kid like my parents did to us. I pray to God that He will give us a healthy baby and that He will always keep her safe.

Till next time..


Previous Older Entries