Business….

Oh finally, im on the last part legwork of my business. My hubby gave me this Kowloon Franchise which will serve as my baby too. I had a very hectic schedule today, went to my store to take photos since my business permit isn’t the normal one. I need to secure to historical clearance and the likes. But finally it’s almost done. Hopefully, next week I will be able to start. 🙂

Last night, my hubby mentioned to me that instead of our plan in going to Greece alone, he said we might as well have like his friend’s cruise… A Mediterranean tour…. I was shocked and stunned. Didn’t expect I’d be able to have such cruise. Anyways, it will be next year so I will have lots of time to prepare my body after giving birth.

And right now, I am overwhelmed with the blessings I am receiving. Having a great husband, expecting for a wonderful kid, my family and my new baby, My Kowloon franchise….

Love you baby!

….

As I move forward and excited about the baby, there are still some anxieties that I cannot remove from my head. Anxieties that I just all within myself.

It’s hard to pretend it’s not happening, but why not, it is happening to me. It’s here, a reality I cannot ignore. Does it always have to include pains in every joy a person will have? Or can it just be plain happiness with no consequences involved? I have tried to live a fair life, a life wherein other people’s need is more important than my needs. I have neglected my needs for a long time and it’s not good.

Now the happiness I am longing for is within my reach or shall I say it’s in my hand but why can’t I be happy without feeling this pain inside me. I try to tell myself, it’s all in my head but it is not. No matter what I do, it’s there, right in front of my face.

How can I be truly happy? Is it something that’s so hard to achieve? Something I don’t deserve?

Why I cant have the whole pie, but instead just have a slice of it and share the entire pie with others?

Why? Am I that bad? Do I deserve this? I know a lot of people will just tell me, then walk away… But how can you walk away from the only happiness you ever have in your entire life? I wish it could be that easy… I wish it’s as easy as saying, “Leave if you can’t take it anymore”… But it’s not the solution to problem. It’s just an immediate solution but not a lifetime one. Once it’s there, the effect could be far worse than holding on.

Now what am I suppose to do, I’m lost and confused..

And it’s here.. Finally..

Oh well I have not updating my blog lately since I need a bed rest. I am currently on my way to 6 weeks pregnancy and getting and getting excited to see my baby.

I hope that my baby will be a girl, and that she will grow  God fearing, loving, healthy and most of all strong like his papa.

Oh my hubby is so excited, we are both hoping to have a baby girl so he could have his princess. 🙂

There is nothing more exciting and fun knowing that I will be a mom soon.  But whenever I think of my angel’s coming, there are still some fear in me that sets in. Most of all is, will I ever be a good mom?

I just hope that I will be able to raise my kid like my parents did to us. I pray to God that He will give us a healthy baby and that He will always keep her safe.

Till next time..

xoxo

I hope this is it…

I’m having this weird bleeding since last week. Not a regular menstruation I guess but rather a very short or most likely spotting only. I wonder if this what you call ‘implantation bleeding’. I am expecting to have my period this 24th, but I am hoping and praying that I am really pregnant. According to my doctor, I am showin’ signs of a pregnant woman, coz if I do now, I am on my third week.

But things aren’t always goin’ smoothly lately. Most of the times I feel so alone and just tryin to cover all the pains inside me. I try to smile so no one would know that I am hurting..

I guess I am good at it. Been good at it the longest time I can remember.

Now May 15 is also near, I need to prepare myself for looking for a new job. I cannot afford to be totally dependent on my bf. Especially if I am pregnant. I need to find a new job before May ends.

In these past three months, all I do is wonder. Whether I would still want a 8-5 job or I would want to set up my own biz.  I will be getting a separation pay and I might use it for small biz. But darn, deep inside of me I am scared. What if the biz won’t work out? What will happen to me and my baby if in case?

A lot of things have been goin’ on my head. I have no one to talk to. I envy those people who have a lot of friends. I do have friends but they are too far right now. Some of them, they just left me. Now I am missing Jen.. I wish she’s here.

And right now, my bf and I argue a lot. And sometimes, I just want to give up. But should I give up now if I have a baby now?

Right now, I dunno what to do?

My Wishlist

Oh well I know it’s kinda late now for my this year’s wishlist. However I would like to share it you. Too bad the idea just came to my head just last night while lying on my bed.

As you know, I will be losing my job on May 15 because of redundancy. The fact I will be losing my job makes me feel scared since I am supporting my family. But the fact that I know I can surpass this crisis since I’ve got the most loving, patient and supporting husband. (Oh well I considered him as my husband aight?!)

Okay now here’s my wishlist for this year:

1. Have a baby.. Well I hope its a baby girl since my hubby wants to have a princess. He’s excited to have a baby so his wish is my top priority. I guess He has always been my top priority since we were together.

2. Make my small business ventures a success. I have decided to start my small business. It is a fragrance business and I am planning to sell it to my friends and put some at my sister’s resto. Her place is a nice place to put one since there are a lot of students there. If this will be a hit, I am planning to start another one, an e-loading business. Oh well, I would love to have this business. Not that I’m lazy aight, but I don’t want to work anymore because I want to concentrate on taking care of my family. My husband and specially if I will get pregnant this year, our baby..

3. Find a new job. I would want to find new job but not as hectic as my previous one. I want a less stressful job so I will have more time taking care of my family.

4. To be less jealous. Oh well, insecurities always hits me. I am insecure of those girls paying attention to my sexy love. I know I am not pretty nor sexy and that makes me more insecure when he gives attention to those girls. Eventhough he would always tell me I’ve got the most beautiful brown eyes he have ever seen.

5. Learn to trust him again. We’ve got lot of issues lately and this is one thing I should try my best to learn…. To trust him again. I won’t elaborate further but I hope God will help me.

6. Enjoy every moment of my life. We’ll we will never know until when He will get us. But enjoying every moment of our life will at least make us feel more complete. Regrets will not be there but just pure satisfaction.

7. Love him more. I guess I have been loving him less because of my jealousy. I just hope it’s not too late.

I guess this is for it now… I think its doable…

Ciao!

Friday the 13th…

I honestly don’t know what to post or something. But a lot of us believe that Friday the 13th is unlucky well I guess yes it is.

Right now I feel nothing. Maybe still shocked and disoriented still with what happened. I didn’t expect that I will get my “redundancy letter” today. Stroke of bad luck, I will no longer have a job soon.

I don’t want to lose hope, I know I will find a job soon. I just hope and pray I will..

Cant write anything right now, my mind is shattered and I don’t even know if I”m writing it to release what I feel. I am worried about my family now. Specially I am sending my niece to school. 😦

Oh well, ces’t lavie.  I entrust everything to you Lord.

God thy will be done..

Missing you

Dear Love,

I wish I didn’t have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I know that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping!

I love you, babe. You are my first and my only love, and I thank you for be so kind with my heart. Hopefully, soon I won’t have to hate missing you.

Love Always,

Baby

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