Me and my lil man

When do you say goodbye? I guess what I did last night was right. I thought I could hold on longer but I was wrong. I don’t want my lil man see me and his dad fighting all the time. I think we better off as friends. I know, I shouldn’t gave up but for the sake of our child, I’d rather have him as a friend and have our lil man see us happy together than as couples who always fights and argue all the time.

I’ve got plans after giving birth. As I told him last December, even just after giving birth…. And now I gave birth, I guess I ought to keep my promise.. I will give him the freedom he wants. I know he would say he doesn’t want to end this, but what I know right now is that maybe he just can’t say goodbye.

It hurts a lot but I’ve got to be strong for my kid. Having Bell’s palsy is also something that I need to work on. I am glad that I have found a good-hearted employer online who is willing to give me a job. I am intending to keep it, and do my best to make her happy with my job. Even just for my kid, life has to go on. I shouldn’t stop even if I am tired. Yes, I think one thing I’ve learned from my child’s dad is never stop even if you are tired. There’s no room for tiredness.

Our future together is unknown. But whatever that awaits for me and my man, I will just enjoy the journey. Before I travel alone, but now I’ve got my lil man travelling with me in this journey called life..

My ordeal with Bell’s Palsy

I haven’t blog anything lately since I just gave birth to a wonderful boy last December 29, 2009 at UPHR Las Pinas. Everything was fine until last Dec 31 when I feel suddenly numbness on my left side of my face. I thought it was just something like an allergic reaction. Then morning of January 1, while brushing my teeth, I can’t really gargle on my left face. And I noticed, my left eye can’t even blink. I called our family doctor and told him about it, first it was thought to be an allergy so he gave me claritin. But nothing changed. Till he mentioned it could be “BELL’S PALSY”. I was so scared hearing that word. What could be this Bell’s palsy thing.

Okay what is a Bell’s Palsy?

Bell’s palsy weakens or paralyzes the muscles on one side of the face. When something is paralyzed, it can’t move, so half of the person’s face might look stiff or droopy. The paralysis does not last forever, but someone who has it will have trouble moving one side of his or her face.

Bell’s palsy can develop over a matter of days. Because it can happen suddenly, someone might think the problem is a stroke — when a blood vessel in the brain gets clogged or bursts. Like Bell’s palsy, a stroke can paralyze a person’s face. But Bell’s palsy is caused by nerve trouble and isn’t as serious as a stroke. Bell’s palsy can be scary, but it usually doesn’t last long and goes away without treatment.

Bell’s palsy was named after a Scottish doctor, Sir Charles Bell, who studied the two facial nerves that direct how the face moves. You have one facial nerve for each side of your face. These nerves send messages from the brain to the face. Through these messages, the facial nerves control the muscles of your face, forehead, and neck.

Facial nerves control the expressions you make — like raising your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut, or smiling. Each facial nerve starts in the brain, goes through the skull in a narrow tube of bone, and exits the skull behind the ear. From there, it splits into smaller branches of nerves that attach to the muscles of the face, neck, and ear. Other small nerve branches run to the glands that make saliva, the glands that make tears, and the front of the tongue.

Okay, then after that our doctor prescribed me a medicine called Polynerve. On Jan 2, my hubby rushed me to the ER of UPHR and I was given steriods. I was freaking out when they told me it will take MONTHS before I can get my face back.

I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking which I love to do. I’ve got lots of plans after giving birth like looking for a job and all.  But now I am stuck here at home feeling miserable. The only thing that gave me strength right now is my baby..

I hope to get well within two weeks. Please to those who will be able to read this blog, please pray for my fast recovery.. I have to do what I’ve got to do for my newborn son 🙂

Thanks guys…

Part 2 – My life story

Alright after receiving that heart warming and uplifting email from my aunt, my life has changed. I made a lot of realization now. I never had the genuine love from my family. All these years, I thought I was doing okay, being neglected and all. Why do I say I was neglected? I never experienced them genuinely care how I really feel. Even if I am in front of them and other people, they would tell those people how bad I am. I thought I would be fine because I learned to build walls around me.

But behind that wall, I gathered all my strength just in case they will be successful hurting me again. Since I was a kid, I can’t remember where my mom would hug me and comfort me whenever I cry or sad. I grew up with nanny. Whenever I try to approach my mom and tries to tell her “Hey mom, I’ve got a problem”, she would start yelling and accusing me of starting that problem.

I remember when I was in high school, we all know how high school works. Bullies are everywhere. I joined this COCC (Cadet Officer Candidate Course) so I can be an officer when I’m on my 4th year. I was bullied and was even threatened that I will be beaten up by some 4th year high school girls. I was alone in that school, I only have few friends but sad to say, fighting isn’t their style. So to my fear going to school, I called up my mom and cried and beg her to transfer to another school. I explained what happened and the only reply I got from her was “Are you taking drugs?”.. From then on, I know I have to survive. I worked my best to be able to get that acceleration test for me to enter college. I passed, with flying colors.

Then when I was in college, I learned that survival… Whenever I’ve got problems, I never tell it to her. Why? I would only get some physical abuse from her or verbal so why would I even bother right.

I graduated in college, my aunt who sent me to school (the one who sent the email) instilled in my head that I need to finish college so I can work for my family. I worked hard and during my college days, I would only get PHP100 a week for allowance, I go to school with a tricycle that costs me PHP10 and walk going home after school. My school starts at 12 noon and ends at 6 pm or sometimes 9, so its bearable for me to walk from school going home.

I graduated when I was 18, worked and my mind says I have to work for my family. Whenever I get my salary, I would only leave enough money for me to survive for the next payday and the rest goes to my family. I try and look for every possible way to get a higher pay. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve been through during my college days.

Our family business was bankrupt. My dad is sick and our small business which he set up after the bankruptcy barely even covers our daily expense. There were times when we have to share one plastic of bread bun (there’s 6 of us) for the whole day. We would usually ask our neighbor who has a store for some goods in credit. That stuck in my head.

So when I finally got a job just right after graduation, I told myself, it won’t happen to me again. I worked so hard that I even neglect buying rewards for my hard work. Coz I feel bad and would always think that “Hey I need to save this money so I can use this for our expenses in our house”. All throughout my working career, I never had the chance to buy those expensive cellphone gadgets nor shop for clothes. All of my stuff were hand me down clothes of my aunt from US which she sends through package. In my mind, whenever I see something I like to buy, I would tell myself, ” Not now, there’s a package coming”.

I deprived myself having some luxuries because I’m thinking of being responsible for house expenses. I saved my money, just in case someone would be sick. And it happened, my dad was confined. He got sick and everything I saved were gone.

I never regret that, don’t get me wrong. But what I can’t accept is being accused of killing my father. And being selfish and all. Don’t I have the right to complain that I’m tired? Don’t I have the right to say how I feel. Despite all of my efforts to provide for my family, all I get were criticisms. Comments that would usually break my heart.

I don’t know if I am that bad. I just want to be happy now. And that happiness is what I found from my hubby. My hubby gave me things I deprived myself for a long time. And even helped me out to bring back the self esteem I lost because of those hurting words I got from my own family and relatives. And I realized, hey I’ve been living my life like a robot. All my life, I gave it to my family. Thinking it is my responsibility to make them comfortable regardless of my own happiness. I realized, I have lived my life in guilt because after my father died, they instilled in my head, it was my fault my father died. (My father died in ICU because of complications of diabetic.) I realized, I lived my life trying to please other people and depriving myself from own happiness. I realized that all these time, regardless of what I do, it will never be enough for them. I realized that I sacrificed having a good life just because I want give good and comfortable life to my family. I realized that I may owe them because they provide for my schooling and they feed when till I was in college but that doesn’t mean I have to take shits from them. I have worked right after college and didn’t give myself anything as a reward for my hardwork.

With these realizations, I came to a decision…. I will live my life first for my baby now and my hubby. I don’t want to neglect it and deprive myself again from happiness that I deserve.  I will live my life to the fullest now…

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE WITH REGRETS. NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE EASY BUT I KNOW IT’S GONNA BE WORTH IT…

A very heartwarming letter from my aunt…

I don’t know but I just cant take it anymore. I know I should be posting a personal email to me specially if its something that isn’t so good. But hey, this is my blog. This is my own space right? Anyways, I will be posting it here and try my best to translate it in English for those people who can’t understand Tagalog… Here it goes:

My aunt October 12 at 9:25am Report

Son,

Siguro kahit puro baba-e ang mga anak mo wala ka ring suerte, hamak mo para ka nilang ginagawa na parang katulong, particularly si (ME). (Maybe even your children were all girls, you still have no luck. Imagine, you were being treated like a maid particularly (ME))

I dont understand bakit ganyan ang mga iyan parang di ka niya nanay.Dios ko , Day mula tayo naging bata di man lang natin nagawa iyan kay Nanay.Ni panty natin di ni Nanay na narasan na palabhin nation siya kahit ano sa mga gamit natin. (I dont understand why they are like that as if you were not their mother. For Christ sake, Day since we were kids we were not able to do that to our mother.Our mom never experienced washing any of our clothes not even our underwears)

Day, naka-awa ka sa situation mo siguro kasi ang tingin nila sa iyo walang pera , di ko sukat akala-in itong si (ME), bakit ganyan siya sa iyo kay ED, nahalos ibuhos mo ang buhay mo sa kanila, ganyan pa ang trato niya sa iyo para kang mutchacha tratuhin. (Day, I feel bad for your situation, maybe they think you don’t have money. I cannot imagine (ME), why she’s like that to you where in you almost give your whole life for them and yet they are still treating you like this, like their maid.)

Minsan pagnai-sip kita, na-aawa talaga ako sa iyo. Sa tatlo mong anak alam ko kong sino tlaga ang magmamahal sa iyo at patunayan ko sa iyo kong sino ang walang kuwenta din pagdating ng oras. (Sometimes, when I think of you, I feel bad for you. With your three kids, I know who really loves you and I will prove to you who among them is useless to you in the future)

Isa ito sa mga advises ko sa iyo noong mga bata pa tayo, pero sinunod mo ang puso mo di utak, ako utak ang pina-iral pero sabihin ko pang nakarating man ako kong sa-an minahal ko ang mga magulang natin . (This is one of my advises to you since we were kids, but you still follow your heart and not your head. I used my head but even if I say I get to where I am now, I loved our parents.)

Di ko nagawa kila nanay ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo.I’m so sorry, sis.Haya-an mo Day, pag-uwi ko sa July magkikita tayo kahit sa-sn pero di sa mga anak natatakot ako sa kanila. (I never did what (ME) has done to you. I’m so sorry ss. Don’t worry, when I go there by July, we will see each other but never your children since I am afraid of them).

Nakakilabot ang mga bibig nila at mga ugali… I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary at nakapangilabot isipin . (Their mouth and attitudes are scary. I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary)

Take it easy baka ikamatay mo pa ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo na para kang Maid.(palamunin ka na pala niya, sabi ko sa iyo umalis kana diyan sa partment na iyan .)nakalimot na siya na mas marami siyang utang sa iyo kahit tambakan para siya. (Take it easy coz whatever (ME) is doin to you might cause your death because she is treating you like a maid. (she’s feeding you already huh. Leave that apartment. She already forget that she owes you alot even if she works her whole life)

Take it easy sis marunong ang dios. (Take it easy sis, God knows best)..

Alright now here’s my side…

1.) since I graduated  in college when I was 18, I never had the chance to enjoy my own salary. Why? Because it was in my head that my aunt sent me to college so I can work for my family after I graduated. So after graduation, I’m lucky to found a job. Whatever I am earning, I would only set aside money enough for me to survive till my next payout. NO EXTRA MONEY SET ASIDE FOR CLOTHES OR OTHER LEISURE. I always  budget my money even with my last job that I should not exceed certain amount for my food and transpo. Everything is calculated. If I overspend today, rest assured I will cut down something for my tomorrow’s expense.

2.) 10 years of working straight ( graduated from college when I was 18), and I never had the chance to buy anything for myself. Not even a brand new phone. Everything else, came from my aunt’s hand me down clothes that she sent through package. I never had the chance to experience shopping for my clothes, shoes, coz what I would usually think is the house expenses I have to pay when payday comes.

3.) I worked for call center for almost 5 years. Without me experiencing a day shift. Everything is GRAVEYARD SHIFT. So I was like an owl for 5 years. Why? Of course because of the extra pay I would get through night diff and other perks. I was able to save 350K. I was saving this because I want to start a rice dealership business.  But unfortunately, my dad was hospitalized and died after a week. So everything i saved went there.

But last Wednesday, my mom told me I killed my father. Why? Because I gvae him heartaches and the likes. See, since my father died, my family accused me of killing my father. All my life, I never said or mention any problem to them.

I remember whenever I’ve got problem in school before and tries to talk to my mom, she would just yell at me, spank me, slap me, grab my hair, pinch me or sometimes strangled me.  So I grew up with my nanny. I’ve went a lot since m high school days, its all in me but I never told anybody in my family. Because I know nobody would care to listen.

So now I finished college and worked, I worked hard for them. Not even thinking whether I will be sick or not. What’s important is for me to earn and gave them money. But despite this, it’s never enough.

I never treated my mom like a maid. I can do my own thing, but she would clean my room, wash my clothes in her own free will. I asked her to get a maid once, and she got me a maid who spreads gossip in the neighborhood that she wishes me to lose my baby. So I fired her. Then I asked her again to find me one but now, she refused. Coz she wants someone whom she can control and spreads gossip too.

I don’t understand why she has to make up stories about me, my sister or my brother so she can get money from my Aunt in US. I feel so so bad. All these years that I worked my ass for them, I didn’t know I’m still the bad one. I really don’t know what to do.

I have my own family now, and until the day she was here, I am the one paying the house rent, electricity, water bills, grocery AS IN EVERYTHING! It has been like that since I graduated.

All these time, I thought I was really bad. Until I met my hubby who tries to bring back my self esteem which I lost becase f the cruel comments I received from my family.

Sometimes I wanna go away from them. Have no contact or whatsoever with them. I was only asking my mom to pay me the house rent which she lent to her friend since her friend needs stethoscope for her son. Imagine STETHOSCOPE VS. OUR HOUSE. And it’s alright is she asked permission from me first but she never did. When we asked we have 3 months left behind already with the rent. I badly need that money, so I can move out and look for a new place. But I doubt if she will ever pay me. 😦

I never killed my father. God knows how much I worked hard for them. Why am I still the bad one in this story. 😦


ATTEMPTED CARNAPPING AND ABDUCTION

I got this email from my Fil-Chi group… Hope this will serve as a warning to everyone who usually travels everyday going to work, meetings etc…

I know that this articlemight be too long to read but I am requesting that you please just givetime to read everything meticulously. This will help you a lot to bemore aware of your surroundings when driving. This isabout the attempted carnapping incident that I experienced last night,Oct 5.

FLAG DOWN Modus Operandi.

At about 10pm last night Imade a turn towards our main avenue in a village just by the Eastservice road in Sucat. I noticed a car was behind me but didn’t thinkmuch of it as we were already approaching the entrance to our village. Just right after we passed by the guard house, this particular carzoomed right pass by me to overtake. I thought perhaps it was just ahomeowner hurrying to get home after a long and tiring day.

My house is situated alongthe main avenue, and sad to say, the street does not have enoughsecurity and lighting as this is along the perimeter of our village. Our village guards are stationed only at the entrance and within thevillage. Just when I was 2 houses away from my gate, the car, now infront of me, hurriedly parked on the other side of the street. Thepassenger door suddenly opened and this policeman “1” got out andwalked directly to the side of the road I was driving at. At thispoint, my speed was at a minimum because I had just passed a hump onthe road. I had to stop the car because he was blocking my way and thefirst thing that came to my mind was that if I go ahead and ignore him,he might actually fire at me seeing that he was a cop. Upon stoppingthe car, he asked me to open the window on my side. I did so but withlittle space, just enough to hear whatever he has to say. He demandedthat I give him my car registration at once. I asked him right awaywhat this was about and his only answer to me was “Naka-flag kasi etongkotse mo”. I was puzzled by his answer but gave him anyway my carregistration thinking that if I just present to him whatever he wants,we can end this as quickly as possible since I know I didn’t commit anyviolations. Upon presenting him my car registration, he quickly passedit on to Policeman “2”who suddenly appeared behind him at that point. This policeman 2 then ordered me toopen my hood. Irritated now, I asked them again what this was about,but still I got the same answer – “Naka-flag kasi ang kotse mo”. Iopened my hood and policeman 2went to the front of the car to “check” whatever it was he wanted tocheck.

As policeman 2 was checking myhood, I got surprised when policeman1 knocked on the passenger side window, which was to myright, and asked if he can have a look at my driver’s license. Whywill he bother crossing to the other side of the car when he could’vejust asked it from me by my side? I opened my passenger window againwith just about 3inches of space. I then told him that my house wasjust beyond the curve, about 10 meters away from where we were, andrequested if we can hold the “inspection” there where I can feel safersince I can ask someone from the house to accompany me. To this Ididn’t get any reply. When I finally handed him my license, policeman 2 came back to myside from the front of the car, purposely to distract me. I evenrequested for the 2nd time to policeman 1, angrier this time,if we can proceed to the front of my house and just continue theinspection there. Suddenly, definitely God’s miracle, I turned towardsmy right to look back at policeman2 just in time to see his whole arm inside my car, squeezedin between the tiny open space, trying to open the door lock! Luckily,I have a window visor which makes it extra hard for him to move his arminside. When I saw this, I immediately pulled up the window switch tobring up the windows. He even cried in pain because his whole arm gotwedged in between the window in the process. This time, my irritationquickly transformed to sheer panic because I knew then that somethingwas definitely wrong. BY LAW, NO POLICEMAN IS ALLOWED TO TOUCHANYTHING INSIDE YOUR CAR. When he got his hand out of the car, Iquickly shut the passenger window.

It was then that I noticedpoliceman 2 was alreadypointing an Armalite gun at me by my window. I cannot remember clearlywhat he said but somewhere along the lines of “Buksan/Ibigay/Tumigil kakundi puputukan kita”. I knew then that if I let fear and panicovercome me, I will be in serious danger. I had to be strong and takecontrol. I started honking my horn as loud as I can and as long as Ican to attract attention. I had to try. My sister who was in ourhouse that time even mentioned after the incident that she alreadyrecognized my horn, but was puzzled because it sounded as if I werestill far away. This action clearly disturbed the two policemen (policeman 1 decided to join policeman 2 on my side now) andpoliceman 2 who was holding theArmalite gun became angrier and then held the gun to the frontwindshield pointing it in front of my face roughly tapping the glasswith the gun.

I decided then that I hadto escape. I groped for the paddle shift and hand break and juststepped on the gas. I didn’t care anymore if the Armalite pointed atme would go off. “Bahala na” was my attitude. I had to free myselffrom these two monsters. When I pressed on the gas pedal, I even hitone of them who started walking in front of the car, an attemptprobably to prevent me from driving off. He fell in a crouchingposition but quickly recovered and probably stepped back that’s why Iwas able to drive off. My car hood was still up, I couldn’t see athing but I didn’t care anymore. Luckily, the hood fell down when Ipassed by another hump just a meter away from where I left off. I justkept honking my horn all the way until I reached my house, just 10meters from where all it happened. I didn’t look anymore at myrearview mirror to check if they were behind me. I was focused on ourgate waiting to see when my brother’s feet will appear (good thing ourgate is solid so you won’t see the inside of the house) so that I candrive my car quickly inside as soon as possible. When I was able to doso, I shouted to my brother, “isarado mo na, isarado mo na!” Atricycle driver who witnessed the latter part of the incident testifiedto the same happenings and said that the two policemen went back totheir car and drove off, outside of our village to flee. They did notchase me. Thank God.

After this brief buttraumatic ordeal, I realized that everysingle move that they did was planned and with purpose. All the small details, when put together, make the perfect crime plan.

Their actions were clearlycalculated. To emphasize, their modus operandi is:

1) Carnappersdisguising themselves as Policemen. They were wearing full policeoutfit (blue pants, blue collared polo with police caps). They weredriving a GRAY INNOVA with a “PULIS” sign on the side door.

2) Carnappersdemanding that you show them your car registration and open the carhood. This was a tacticto obscure my line of vision when the hood is up so I couldn’t driveoff. This was also so that passersby will think that nothing wrong isgoing on, just two policemen helping fix the car.

3) Carnappersasking for your license or any document for that matter on the other side of the car,away from you. This was an attempt to open the car door/lockwhile the other policeman was distracting me. If theguy was able to get in the car, I was sure that they were going tobring me with them.

Unfortunately, thesecriminals weren’t apprehended and are walking free as you read this. Probably planning on their next “target”. That’s why I want to sharethis with all of you. To warn you of the dangers lurking around us.

This is definitely an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone else. This can happen toanyone, boy or girl. My car was heavily tinted. Even the frontwindshield was tinted. So we are assuming that I was just at the wrongplace at the wrong time.

Nagbakasakalilang sila, doesn’t matter if I was a boy or a girl, if I was alone ornot. But by God’s grace, I was able to get out of it unharmed.

If you are faced with thisexperience, call for help right away. Attract attention. This is thebest way to get out of this situation. Maintain your presence ofmind. Do NOT panic, panicking will only make matters worse. For”real” police emergency, number to call is 117. This is worth a try. Rather than having your family members or friends rescue you unarmed. Just call family or friends after you’ve called the authorities. Also,make sure to save your village or subdivision’s guard house number soyou can easily call for help when needed.

Please share this with thepeople that you care for so we may all stay away from harm’s way. Thisis not a hoax. This is real life. Let this be a reminder that wecan ONLY trust people that we know. People disguised as the “goodguys” can end up really being the evil ones. It is so sick how peoplecan be this evil when so much suffering is happening around. Pleaseplease please BE SAFE at all times.

If you can share otherexperiences or precautionary measures, please do so to aid everyone onwhat to do in situations like this.

Thank you, God bless andSTAY SAFE.

STEPH

Love quotes

A girl love this boy. but the boy didn’t mind. One day the girl got sick
and was about to die. Then the boy asked, Why are you leaving me?
then the girl answered, so I can be your angel and love you forever

Would you be my angel, to have and to hold?
Would you be my rose, to cherish more than gold?
I love you so much. I wish you were mine, but all I can do is wait till that time.

People only realize what they had after they lose it, so hold onto what you have and never let it go.

As you look back upon your life, you find the times when you have most lived, are the times when you have lived for love

I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade and people change
I’m living every moment like its my last No longer letting my future be based on my past

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.

I would give up everything for one moment with you; for one moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you

Love is not measured by how you feel, but how you make the other person feel.

You don’t marry someone you can live with. – you marry the person who you cannot live without.


Sad thoughts

It;s 4:30 am and I am still up. Still thinking for what I should have done to make things right. I have been a dreamer I must say. I dream for perfect endings, but it seems like no matter how I try to have it that way, that ending is impossible to have.

I almost believe that what’s going on with my life will always have a fairy tale ending. Wherein I will happily ever after. But is having that happy ending really hard to get?

I have tried to have it that way, maybe sometimes I’m a dreamer. I’m dreaming of having a perfect life. Where I will always have the life I have been dreaming, but what if the person you want to be part of that life isn’t ready to do same things with you? What if he has different perspective in life, say, be content with what he can give you and not having an extra effort in changing things you always argue or disagree about? Is it worth holding on?

Life is too short, and right now, I want to live my life to the fullest. I may not be able to see things those things when I am finally home. Yes, home, a place where I hope I won’t feel the pain.

Is it worth holding on or it is time to let go…? The pain is too much to bear now, it’s all inside me. I try not to cry, but I cannot help it. 😦 Reality bites.

One thing I have learned is sometimes, when you think that a person can’t live without you will choose you always, it’s not all the time… Sometimes, that very person will choose that toy over you. Don’t be too secured of your standing in that person’s life. Coz if the time comes that you ask him to choose, you may not like the choice he will make.

Toy vs. the one you love – it doesn’t always have to be the one you love. Most of the time, people will choose toys. I still don’t get it until now. My head spins and I am trying to crack my head out to understand why.. But it always ends up in “I think I am just not good enough”.

Right now, live with my child, that’s what is important. I have been hurt many times. A lot of times… And in those times, I am always alone. No family or friends to talk to. Trying to conceal the real happenings with both of us. I wish it’s easy the way you take things. If you cannot accept it, then go. Yes maybe in time I’ll go. But with the remaining of my life, I want to spend it with you. My life is too short… And if with my remaining life means loving you together with the pain I have inside, maybe I will stick.

I just hope that when I’m gone, you will remember me with a smile. Life is too short to worry about us being 50+. But it does feels good to think I will have that chance to reach that age, with you and our child.

Please take care of our child if ever I’m gone. Hug her and kiss her for me. Tell her how much I love both of you. You will always have my heart. Where ever I am, I will still look after you and love you even from afar..

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