Moving on

Hi guys,

As you can see, I don’t update this blog anymore. I have move to new a domain. I hope you will still follow me and hope to see you around.

La Chica Fabulosa

I miss receiving a lot of comments and I do hope you’d still like my new blog.

See you there..

 

 

In the eyes if a child

My song for my lil one Inigo Miguel… I love you so much my little angel. It’s you and Mama till the end. Thanks for giving me new meaning to my life…

When you look to the past for life’s long hidden meaning

For the dreams and the plans made in your youth

Does the thrill to achieve match the warm hidden feeling

That lies so still and lives in you

In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

You’ve found the place to walk the path you’ve chosen

You’ll never miss the world you left behind

When life gives life, it’s happiness unbroken

When you give love, it’s love you’ll find

In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

In the eyes of a child, there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life, there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child

Me and my lil man

When do you say goodbye? I guess what I did last night was right. I thought I could hold on longer but I was wrong. I don’t want my lil man see me and his dad fighting all the time. I think we better off as friends. I know, I shouldn’t gave up but for the sake of our child, I’d rather have him as a friend and have our lil man see us happy together than as couples who always fights and argue all the time.

I’ve got plans after giving birth. As I told him last December, even just after giving birth…. And now I gave birth, I guess I ought to keep my promise.. I will give him the freedom he wants. I know he would say he doesn’t want to end this, but what I know right now is that maybe he just can’t say goodbye.

It hurts a lot but I’ve got to be strong for my kid. Having Bell’s palsy is also something that I need to work on. I am glad that I have found a good-hearted employer online who is willing to give me a job. I am intending to keep it, and do my best to make her happy with my job. Even just for my kid, life has to go on. I shouldn’t stop even if I am tired. Yes, I think one thing I’ve learned from my child’s dad is never stop even if you are tired. There’s no room for tiredness.

Our future together is unknown. But whatever that awaits for me and my man, I will just enjoy the journey. Before I travel alone, but now I’ve got my lil man travelling with me in this journey called life..

My ordeal with Bell’s Palsy

I haven’t blog anything lately since I just gave birth to a wonderful boy last December 29, 2009 at UPHR Las Pinas. Everything was fine until last Dec 31 when I feel suddenly numbness on my left side of my face. I thought it was just something like an allergic reaction. Then morning of January 1, while brushing my teeth, I can’t really gargle on my left face. And I noticed, my left eye can’t even blink. I called our family doctor and told him about it, first it was thought to be an allergy so he gave me claritin. But nothing changed. Till he mentioned it could be “BELL’S PALSY”. I was so scared hearing that word. What could be this Bell’s palsy thing.

Okay what is a Bell’s Palsy?

Bell’s palsy weakens or paralyzes the muscles on one side of the face. When something is paralyzed, it can’t move, so half of the person’s face might look stiff or droopy. The paralysis does not last forever, but someone who has it will have trouble moving one side of his or her face.

Bell’s palsy can develop over a matter of days. Because it can happen suddenly, someone might think the problem is a stroke — when a blood vessel in the brain gets clogged or bursts. Like Bell’s palsy, a stroke can paralyze a person’s face. But Bell’s palsy is caused by nerve trouble and isn’t as serious as a stroke. Bell’s palsy can be scary, but it usually doesn’t last long and goes away without treatment.

Bell’s palsy was named after a Scottish doctor, Sir Charles Bell, who studied the two facial nerves that direct how the face moves. You have one facial nerve for each side of your face. These nerves send messages from the brain to the face. Through these messages, the facial nerves control the muscles of your face, forehead, and neck.

Facial nerves control the expressions you make — like raising your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut, or smiling. Each facial nerve starts in the brain, goes through the skull in a narrow tube of bone, and exits the skull behind the ear. From there, it splits into smaller branches of nerves that attach to the muscles of the face, neck, and ear. Other small nerve branches run to the glands that make saliva, the glands that make tears, and the front of the tongue.

Okay, then after that our doctor prescribed me a medicine called Polynerve. On Jan 2, my hubby rushed me to the ER of UPHR and I was given steriods. I was freaking out when they told me it will take MONTHS before I can get my face back.

I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking which I love to do. I’ve got lots of plans after giving birth like looking for a job and all.  But now I am stuck here at home feeling miserable. The only thing that gave me strength right now is my baby..

I hope to get well within two weeks. Please to those who will be able to read this blog, please pray for my fast recovery.. I have to do what I’ve got to do for my newborn son 🙂

Thanks guys…

The Bitter truth

Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning.Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~Marco R. Capristo

finally found her– The love of my life! Too bad her girlfriend Found her first. ~Edward Etter

I’m walking down the street and i see you caught my attention your shirt that’s blue how pathetic am I? To fall on color blue not on the person wearing through. Is it love? Or juz another feeling that will tear me of. ~Anonymous

It’s better to have never felt the happiness of love than to be tortured by the pain of it ending. ~Mike

Im jealous of every girl who has ever hugged you, because for that one moment they held my entire world tears are like kisses, the only real ones are the ones you cant hold back never make someone your everything, because when they are gone you have nothing. You will never know true pain until you look into the eyes of someone you love, and they look away The scars are nothing compared to the pain that put them there goodbye is only painful when you know you can never say hello again How can you learn from your mistakes when mistakes are all you’ve ever made What’s the point in living when the ones you love the most refuse to love you break my heart and tell me lies, because eventually every heart dies. -Michelle Mace

The word love… is so powerfull that once a guy says it they have total access to a girls heart… but no matter how many times a girl says it she cant stop them from leaving with it… ~Anonymous

Where did life go?…and why did it run away??…and how come evrrything has to change? ~Anonymous

A millon words would not bring u back…i know cause ive tried…and a millon tears wouldnt either…i know because ive cried ~Anonymous

You smile when your feel like crying…you act like your okay..when your really falling apart inside…and you let it go….you move on because thres nothing else u can do or say. ~Anonymous

If he was stupid enough to walk away be smart enough to let him go. ~Anonymous

Live your life as it’s givin onse, use it as you wish, laugh on tough day’s and drop a tear or two on death day’s. Life is good and so is time. Love every moment of it and you will be fine. ~Shaima mohammed

Love is thinking about them all day and all night no matter how hard you try to stop. Love is every morning you wake up he is the 1st face that pops in your mind and the last face b4 u fall asleep. Love is the tickles that you get in your tummy everytime you see their face in ur head. Love is the warmth and protection you felt the first time u saw him Love is the best feeling you could ever have U have the key to my heart Ur the only one to come in Someday U’ll find the way! I Love U!!! ~Anonymous

I would love to be what i like to love what i am. ~Orion

ex boyfriends are like herpes, once u have them u can never get rid of them and when they break through it gets messy. ~Anonymous

the person you would call a sholder to cry on is the person that mad you cry… tell me whats worse than that ? ~Anonymous

If tomorrow can be terrible than today.. today is better. If tomorrow is better than today..today is the worst. If today and tomorrow are going to be the same…. i am happy. ~Tina

P-Perfect, R-Radiant, I-Irresistible, N-Never- Wrong , C-Cute, E-Everything Cute and Adorable, S-Super Woman S-Soooo SpecialPrincess=ME! ~Anonymous

Love is like a roller coaster when it’s all over you throw up ~Brooke

Guys are like dogs. Put them on a leash and they’ll be chassing every puss in sight! ~Brittany Abner

So I don’t make you happy anymore so let me be and send me back to my maker. ~Anonymous

i pretend to be the girl youre looking for to fall madly deeply in love but it back fires and turns to hatred. ~Anonymous

Don’t you love it when a guy’s arm goes all the way around you when you’re kissing; and the girl next to you thinking the same thing? ~Nicole

A wise girl kisses, but doesn’t love…listens but doesn’t believe and leaves before she is left. ~Natalie

Love Starts with a smile….grows with a kiss…and ends with a tear. -Kourtney

Sometimes It’s Best To Leave Your Ex’s Where You Found Them!!!! -Anonymous

when you are born the people around you are smiling and you are crying live your life so that when you die your the one smiling and the people around you are crying. -Anonymous

if barbie has so many friends why do you have to buy them? -Anonymous

If something is not worth fighting for, then it is not worth keeping. -Leena

They say to follow your heart, but how can you when it is blinded by love. -Anonymous

shit happens, if it’s yours wipe it up. –LRT

If you want to get the chances. You got to beat the odds. -Anonymous

To Every Girl It only takes one bad boyfriend to realize that you deserve SO much more. -Anonymous

Keep Talkin’ cus I love It! Its when they stop talking about you that you gotta start worryin! -Anonymous

Humans will kill each other…And when the last one stands among the corpses of his brothers….It is then that he will beg for death. Humans will curse their friends… Till he has no more… And in the end he’ll realize… He’s all alone. Humanity will kill for riches…. And then kill one another. By the time man realizes he cannot eat money….They will begin to eat each other. Have not pity. They are but animals. Killing the planet. And destroying their souls.  -Rooster

And I wait… For an endless song that never starts, For a cure to the age-old broken heart. ~Janessa

There’s a difference between optimism and naïveté… ~Janessa

Laugh and the world laughs with you… cry and the world laughs at you -Hevinlee Melton

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upsetis a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. -Dirissy

For the ones who are Luckly, lucky they are. For those who aren’t lucky, let them make there choice. -Dark Magnus

This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. -Fight Club

There comes a point in every girls life where she realizes that she just needs to let it go, I mean nothings ever gonna change the fact that at one point I really did love you with everything in me…It’s just the fact that I simply cannot do this to myself and I cannot make this work …face it baby we’re in a lose-lose situation…and as far as you’re concerned i’m just on one of my “im leaving for good this time” kicks again, but the olny difference is this time it’s real… I’m done, and don’t bother because you’re never gonna change, honestly you CAN’T change & we BOTH know that…So when you finally realized that I loved you anyway more than I ever could have loved anyone else, you’ll see something more in me, something that you’re forced to live without.

Can you see it? It’s in my sweet sweet smile! Its in my laugh! Its in my eyes! its there can you see it now? its the pain of leaving you!!!!! -Emily W

Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself. ~Emon

Loving a man is like loving a child, if you dont correct them when they upset you….they will never learn how to treat you with respect. ~Emma

You told me what I wanted to hear, but it was just a sweet nothing whispered in every girls ear. Sometimes A Sorry Being Said By The Mouth… Means Nothing From The Heart… ~Thuy(Twee)D

Time heals and reveals. ~Valerie

Some of us think holding on makes us stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go that proves our real strength! ~Alicia

Yet Again, It has been proven to me, that no matter what…I will always be considered the exspendable person. ~Jessi

The only true painful good-byes are the ones that are never said and never explained. ~Farah Jawaid

Falling in love is like falling off a building it dosent hurt till the end. ~Unknown

Just when you thought you had it all, it all falls apart. ~Jess

A friend hears the words you say a true friends reads the feels in between the words and when together with a true friend and you’re are feeling down words are not needed. ~Unknown

If you love someone, give them the option to leave, but never give them a reason to. ~Unknown

Only someone who has cried a great deal understands why someone else wants to stop the tears. ~V.C. Andrews

True love is like Santa, you grow up believing in it then find out it just doesn’t exsist. ~ Angela

The last time I got over you, you were lying flat on your face and all I had to do was jump… ~Jessica

In the whole of the universe there are only two: the lover and the beloved. ~Bhai Sahib

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. ~William Shakespeare

I existed from all eternity and, behold, I am here; and I shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end. ~Kahlil Gibran

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.  Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. ~James Baldwin

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. ~H.L. Mencken

Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun. ~Don Marquis

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. ~William Jennings Bryan

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ~Albert Einstein

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. ~T.S. Eliot

We never know the worth of water ’til the well is dry. ~English Proverb

EX-boyfriends are like bad smells that linger in your mind. The only way to get rid of them is to pretend they are not there or replace them!

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans.  After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, And you really do have worth.

Yes, there are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.

Sometimes the Only Harder then Finding the Man of Your Dreams is Losing Him.

It is said that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But, it is also true that you don’t know what you have been missing until it arrives!

They say follow your heart. But when your heart is in so many pieces. Which way are you to follow?

No man is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.

If you love something, and are dumb enough to let it go..you didn’t deserve it in the first place.

Tears of sadness make room in your heart for joy.

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion.

If you had to chose between someone you love or someone who loves you, pick the person who loves you because you can learn to love someone but you cant make someone love you back.

I wish i were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person started hating us, but because we found out that they’d be happier if we let them go.

I can say I’m fine when you don’t see me cry. I can say I could move on when I can’t even try. I can say I’m happy when I just wanna die, but there’s one thing I can’t say…” love you” when you said, “goodbye.”

I cry for the time you were almost mine, I cry for the memories you’ve left behind. I cry for the pain, the lost, the old, and the new… I cry for the times I thought I had you.

What do I have to do to make you notice me too? What do I have to say to make you fell this way? What do I have to be to make you start loving me?

It’s hard to pretend you love someone  if you really don’t, but it’s harder to pretend you don’t love someone if you really do.

It’s better to love someone you can’t have than to have someone you can’t love.

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? Why is it that I miss someone I was never with? And I’ll ask why I love someone whose love was never mine.

Once in my life I laughed. Once in my life that empty space in my heart was filled. Once in my life I loved someone more than anything in this world. For once in my life, I had you.

When you love someone you must be ready to sacrifice anything, even if that anything includes your happiness.

When you love, you must not expect anything in return, for if you do you are not loving but investing. If you love, you must prefer to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you are not loving, but using.

The hardest thing in life is watching somone you love, fall in love with somebody else. Nothing is more painful then realizing they meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him. Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back.

Forgive

I have been spending time with my new found friend. Never did I expect I would find that sister I was looking for, for a long time. In her I feel strong and wise, which I never felt when I was with my true sister. Sometimes, the family you were looking for can be found in other people. It’s the reality I have experienced and I must say, “reality bites”…

Anyways, she’s been going through tough times now. She is realizing some truths about her friends and ex love. I think this poem is appropriate for her.. I hope she likes it…

You forgive me for liking you too much,

And I’ll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,

And I’ll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,

And I’ll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,

And I’ll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,

And I’ll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,

And I’ll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,

And I’ll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,

And I’ll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,

And I’ll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,

And I’ll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.

Do we have a deal?

Part 2 – My life story

Alright after receiving that heart warming and uplifting email from my aunt, my life has changed. I made a lot of realization now. I never had the genuine love from my family. All these years, I thought I was doing okay, being neglected and all. Why do I say I was neglected? I never experienced them genuinely care how I really feel. Even if I am in front of them and other people, they would tell those people how bad I am. I thought I would be fine because I learned to build walls around me.

But behind that wall, I gathered all my strength just in case they will be successful hurting me again. Since I was a kid, I can’t remember where my mom would hug me and comfort me whenever I cry or sad. I grew up with nanny. Whenever I try to approach my mom and tries to tell her “Hey mom, I’ve got a problem”, she would start yelling and accusing me of starting that problem.

I remember when I was in high school, we all know how high school works. Bullies are everywhere. I joined this COCC (Cadet Officer Candidate Course) so I can be an officer when I’m on my 4th year. I was bullied and was even threatened that I will be beaten up by some 4th year high school girls. I was alone in that school, I only have few friends but sad to say, fighting isn’t their style. So to my fear going to school, I called up my mom and cried and beg her to transfer to another school. I explained what happened and the only reply I got from her was “Are you taking drugs?”.. From then on, I know I have to survive. I worked my best to be able to get that acceleration test for me to enter college. I passed, with flying colors.

Then when I was in college, I learned that survival… Whenever I’ve got problems, I never tell it to her. Why? I would only get some physical abuse from her or verbal so why would I even bother right.

I graduated in college, my aunt who sent me to school (the one who sent the email) instilled in my head that I need to finish college so I can work for my family. I worked hard and during my college days, I would only get PHP100 a week for allowance, I go to school with a tricycle that costs me PHP10 and walk going home after school. My school starts at 12 noon and ends at 6 pm or sometimes 9, so its bearable for me to walk from school going home.

I graduated when I was 18, worked and my mind says I have to work for my family. Whenever I get my salary, I would only leave enough money for me to survive for the next payday and the rest goes to my family. I try and look for every possible way to get a higher pay. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve been through during my college days.

Our family business was bankrupt. My dad is sick and our small business which he set up after the bankruptcy barely even covers our daily expense. There were times when we have to share one plastic of bread bun (there’s 6 of us) for the whole day. We would usually ask our neighbor who has a store for some goods in credit. That stuck in my head.

So when I finally got a job just right after graduation, I told myself, it won’t happen to me again. I worked so hard that I even neglect buying rewards for my hard work. Coz I feel bad and would always think that “Hey I need to save this money so I can use this for our expenses in our house”. All throughout my working career, I never had the chance to buy those expensive cellphone gadgets nor shop for clothes. All of my stuff were hand me down clothes of my aunt from US which she sends through package. In my mind, whenever I see something I like to buy, I would tell myself, ” Not now, there’s a package coming”.

I deprived myself having some luxuries because I’m thinking of being responsible for house expenses. I saved my money, just in case someone would be sick. And it happened, my dad was confined. He got sick and everything I saved were gone.

I never regret that, don’t get me wrong. But what I can’t accept is being accused of killing my father. And being selfish and all. Don’t I have the right to complain that I’m tired? Don’t I have the right to say how I feel. Despite all of my efforts to provide for my family, all I get were criticisms. Comments that would usually break my heart.

I don’t know if I am that bad. I just want to be happy now. And that happiness is what I found from my hubby. My hubby gave me things I deprived myself for a long time. And even helped me out to bring back the self esteem I lost because of those hurting words I got from my own family and relatives. And I realized, hey I’ve been living my life like a robot. All my life, I gave it to my family. Thinking it is my responsibility to make them comfortable regardless of my own happiness. I realized, I have lived my life in guilt because after my father died, they instilled in my head, it was my fault my father died. (My father died in ICU because of complications of diabetic.) I realized, I lived my life trying to please other people and depriving myself from own happiness. I realized that all these time, regardless of what I do, it will never be enough for them. I realized that I sacrificed having a good life just because I want give good and comfortable life to my family. I realized that I may owe them because they provide for my schooling and they feed when till I was in college but that doesn’t mean I have to take shits from them. I have worked right after college and didn’t give myself anything as a reward for my hardwork.

With these realizations, I came to a decision…. I will live my life first for my baby now and my hubby. I don’t want to neglect it and deprive myself again from happiness that I deserve.  I will live my life to the fullest now…

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE WITH REGRETS. NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE EASY BUT I KNOW IT’S GONNA BE WORTH IT…

I Love You More Today Than Yesterday

I don’t remember what day it was

I didn’t notice what time it was

All I know is that I fell in love with you

And if all my dreams come true

I’ll be spending time with you

Every day’s a new day in love with you

With each day comes a new way of loving you

Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander

And if all my dreams come true

I’ll be spending time with you

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow

I love you more today than yesterday

But, darling, not as much as tomorrow

Tomorrow’s date means springtime’s just a day away

Cupid, we don’t need ya now, be on your way

I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger

And I always will be true

I know you feel the same way, too

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow

I love you more today than yesterday

But only half as much as tomorrow

Every day’s a new day

Every time I love ya

Every way’s a new way

Every time I love ya

Every day’s a new day

Every time I kiss ya

Every day’s a new day

fade out…

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY!!!!

A very heartwarming letter from my aunt…

I don’t know but I just cant take it anymore. I know I should be posting a personal email to me specially if its something that isn’t so good. But hey, this is my blog. This is my own space right? Anyways, I will be posting it here and try my best to translate it in English for those people who can’t understand Tagalog… Here it goes:

My aunt October 12 at 9:25am Report

Son,

Siguro kahit puro baba-e ang mga anak mo wala ka ring suerte, hamak mo para ka nilang ginagawa na parang katulong, particularly si (ME). (Maybe even your children were all girls, you still have no luck. Imagine, you were being treated like a maid particularly (ME))

I dont understand bakit ganyan ang mga iyan parang di ka niya nanay.Dios ko , Day mula tayo naging bata di man lang natin nagawa iyan kay Nanay.Ni panty natin di ni Nanay na narasan na palabhin nation siya kahit ano sa mga gamit natin. (I dont understand why they are like that as if you were not their mother. For Christ sake, Day since we were kids we were not able to do that to our mother.Our mom never experienced washing any of our clothes not even our underwears)

Day, naka-awa ka sa situation mo siguro kasi ang tingin nila sa iyo walang pera , di ko sukat akala-in itong si (ME), bakit ganyan siya sa iyo kay ED, nahalos ibuhos mo ang buhay mo sa kanila, ganyan pa ang trato niya sa iyo para kang mutchacha tratuhin. (Day, I feel bad for your situation, maybe they think you don’t have money. I cannot imagine (ME), why she’s like that to you where in you almost give your whole life for them and yet they are still treating you like this, like their maid.)

Minsan pagnai-sip kita, na-aawa talaga ako sa iyo. Sa tatlo mong anak alam ko kong sino tlaga ang magmamahal sa iyo at patunayan ko sa iyo kong sino ang walang kuwenta din pagdating ng oras. (Sometimes, when I think of you, I feel bad for you. With your three kids, I know who really loves you and I will prove to you who among them is useless to you in the future)

Isa ito sa mga advises ko sa iyo noong mga bata pa tayo, pero sinunod mo ang puso mo di utak, ako utak ang pina-iral pero sabihin ko pang nakarating man ako kong sa-an minahal ko ang mga magulang natin . (This is one of my advises to you since we were kids, but you still follow your heart and not your head. I used my head but even if I say I get to where I am now, I loved our parents.)

Di ko nagawa kila nanay ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo.I’m so sorry, sis.Haya-an mo Day, pag-uwi ko sa July magkikita tayo kahit sa-sn pero di sa mga anak natatakot ako sa kanila. (I never did what (ME) has done to you. I’m so sorry ss. Don’t worry, when I go there by July, we will see each other but never your children since I am afraid of them).

Nakakilabot ang mga bibig nila at mga ugali… I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary at nakapangilabot isipin . (Their mouth and attitudes are scary. I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary)

Take it easy baka ikamatay mo pa ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo na para kang Maid.(palamunin ka na pala niya, sabi ko sa iyo umalis kana diyan sa partment na iyan .)nakalimot na siya na mas marami siyang utang sa iyo kahit tambakan para siya. (Take it easy coz whatever (ME) is doin to you might cause your death because she is treating you like a maid. (she’s feeding you already huh. Leave that apartment. She already forget that she owes you alot even if she works her whole life)

Take it easy sis marunong ang dios. (Take it easy sis, God knows best)..

Alright now here’s my side…

1.) since I graduated  in college when I was 18, I never had the chance to enjoy my own salary. Why? Because it was in my head that my aunt sent me to college so I can work for my family after I graduated. So after graduation, I’m lucky to found a job. Whatever I am earning, I would only set aside money enough for me to survive till my next payout. NO EXTRA MONEY SET ASIDE FOR CLOTHES OR OTHER LEISURE. I always  budget my money even with my last job that I should not exceed certain amount for my food and transpo. Everything is calculated. If I overspend today, rest assured I will cut down something for my tomorrow’s expense.

2.) 10 years of working straight ( graduated from college when I was 18), and I never had the chance to buy anything for myself. Not even a brand new phone. Everything else, came from my aunt’s hand me down clothes that she sent through package. I never had the chance to experience shopping for my clothes, shoes, coz what I would usually think is the house expenses I have to pay when payday comes.

3.) I worked for call center for almost 5 years. Without me experiencing a day shift. Everything is GRAVEYARD SHIFT. So I was like an owl for 5 years. Why? Of course because of the extra pay I would get through night diff and other perks. I was able to save 350K. I was saving this because I want to start a rice dealership business.  But unfortunately, my dad was hospitalized and died after a week. So everything i saved went there.

But last Wednesday, my mom told me I killed my father. Why? Because I gvae him heartaches and the likes. See, since my father died, my family accused me of killing my father. All my life, I never said or mention any problem to them.

I remember whenever I’ve got problem in school before and tries to talk to my mom, she would just yell at me, spank me, slap me, grab my hair, pinch me or sometimes strangled me.  So I grew up with my nanny. I’ve went a lot since m high school days, its all in me but I never told anybody in my family. Because I know nobody would care to listen.

So now I finished college and worked, I worked hard for them. Not even thinking whether I will be sick or not. What’s important is for me to earn and gave them money. But despite this, it’s never enough.

I never treated my mom like a maid. I can do my own thing, but she would clean my room, wash my clothes in her own free will. I asked her to get a maid once, and she got me a maid who spreads gossip in the neighborhood that she wishes me to lose my baby. So I fired her. Then I asked her again to find me one but now, she refused. Coz she wants someone whom she can control and spreads gossip too.

I don’t understand why she has to make up stories about me, my sister or my brother so she can get money from my Aunt in US. I feel so so bad. All these years that I worked my ass for them, I didn’t know I’m still the bad one. I really don’t know what to do.

I have my own family now, and until the day she was here, I am the one paying the house rent, electricity, water bills, grocery AS IN EVERYTHING! It has been like that since I graduated.

All these time, I thought I was really bad. Until I met my hubby who tries to bring back my self esteem which I lost becase f the cruel comments I received from my family.

Sometimes I wanna go away from them. Have no contact or whatsoever with them. I was only asking my mom to pay me the house rent which she lent to her friend since her friend needs stethoscope for her son. Imagine STETHOSCOPE VS. OUR HOUSE. And it’s alright is she asked permission from me first but she never did. When we asked we have 3 months left behind already with the rent. I badly need that money, so I can move out and look for a new place. But I doubt if she will ever pay me. 😦

I never killed my father. God knows how much I worked hard for them. Why am I still the bad one in this story. 😦

ATTEMPTED CARNAPPING AND ABDUCTION

I got this email from my Fil-Chi group… Hope this will serve as a warning to everyone who usually travels everyday going to work, meetings etc…

I know that this articlemight be too long to read but I am requesting that you please just givetime to read everything meticulously. This will help you a lot to bemore aware of your surroundings when driving. This isabout the attempted carnapping incident that I experienced last night,Oct 5.

FLAG DOWN Modus Operandi.

At about 10pm last night Imade a turn towards our main avenue in a village just by the Eastservice road in Sucat. I noticed a car was behind me but didn’t thinkmuch of it as we were already approaching the entrance to our village. Just right after we passed by the guard house, this particular carzoomed right pass by me to overtake. I thought perhaps it was just ahomeowner hurrying to get home after a long and tiring day.

My house is situated alongthe main avenue, and sad to say, the street does not have enoughsecurity and lighting as this is along the perimeter of our village. Our village guards are stationed only at the entrance and within thevillage. Just when I was 2 houses away from my gate, the car, now infront of me, hurriedly parked on the other side of the street. Thepassenger door suddenly opened and this policeman “1” got out andwalked directly to the side of the road I was driving at. At thispoint, my speed was at a minimum because I had just passed a hump onthe road. I had to stop the car because he was blocking my way and thefirst thing that came to my mind was that if I go ahead and ignore him,he might actually fire at me seeing that he was a cop. Upon stoppingthe car, he asked me to open the window on my side. I did so but withlittle space, just enough to hear whatever he has to say. He demandedthat I give him my car registration at once. I asked him right awaywhat this was about and his only answer to me was “Naka-flag kasi etongkotse mo”. I was puzzled by his answer but gave him anyway my carregistration thinking that if I just present to him whatever he wants,we can end this as quickly as possible since I know I didn’t commit anyviolations. Upon presenting him my car registration, he quickly passedit on to Policeman “2”who suddenly appeared behind him at that point. This policeman 2 then ordered me toopen my hood. Irritated now, I asked them again what this was about,but still I got the same answer – “Naka-flag kasi ang kotse mo”. Iopened my hood and policeman 2went to the front of the car to “check” whatever it was he wanted tocheck.

As policeman 2 was checking myhood, I got surprised when policeman1 knocked on the passenger side window, which was to myright, and asked if he can have a look at my driver’s license. Whywill he bother crossing to the other side of the car when he could’vejust asked it from me by my side? I opened my passenger window againwith just about 3inches of space. I then told him that my house wasjust beyond the curve, about 10 meters away from where we were, andrequested if we can hold the “inspection” there where I can feel safersince I can ask someone from the house to accompany me. To this Ididn’t get any reply. When I finally handed him my license, policeman 2 came back to myside from the front of the car, purposely to distract me. I evenrequested for the 2nd time to policeman 1, angrier this time,if we can proceed to the front of my house and just continue theinspection there. Suddenly, definitely God’s miracle, I turned towardsmy right to look back at policeman2 just in time to see his whole arm inside my car, squeezedin between the tiny open space, trying to open the door lock! Luckily,I have a window visor which makes it extra hard for him to move his arminside. When I saw this, I immediately pulled up the window switch tobring up the windows. He even cried in pain because his whole arm gotwedged in between the window in the process. This time, my irritationquickly transformed to sheer panic because I knew then that somethingwas definitely wrong. BY LAW, NO POLICEMAN IS ALLOWED TO TOUCHANYTHING INSIDE YOUR CAR. When he got his hand out of the car, Iquickly shut the passenger window.

It was then that I noticedpoliceman 2 was alreadypointing an Armalite gun at me by my window. I cannot remember clearlywhat he said but somewhere along the lines of “Buksan/Ibigay/Tumigil kakundi puputukan kita”. I knew then that if I let fear and panicovercome me, I will be in serious danger. I had to be strong and takecontrol. I started honking my horn as loud as I can and as long as Ican to attract attention. I had to try. My sister who was in ourhouse that time even mentioned after the incident that she alreadyrecognized my horn, but was puzzled because it sounded as if I werestill far away. This action clearly disturbed the two policemen (policeman 1 decided to join policeman 2 on my side now) andpoliceman 2 who was holding theArmalite gun became angrier and then held the gun to the frontwindshield pointing it in front of my face roughly tapping the glasswith the gun.

I decided then that I hadto escape. I groped for the paddle shift and hand break and juststepped on the gas. I didn’t care anymore if the Armalite pointed atme would go off. “Bahala na” was my attitude. I had to free myselffrom these two monsters. When I pressed on the gas pedal, I even hitone of them who started walking in front of the car, an attemptprobably to prevent me from driving off. He fell in a crouchingposition but quickly recovered and probably stepped back that’s why Iwas able to drive off. My car hood was still up, I couldn’t see athing but I didn’t care anymore. Luckily, the hood fell down when Ipassed by another hump just a meter away from where I left off. I justkept honking my horn all the way until I reached my house, just 10meters from where all it happened. I didn’t look anymore at myrearview mirror to check if they were behind me. I was focused on ourgate waiting to see when my brother’s feet will appear (good thing ourgate is solid so you won’t see the inside of the house) so that I candrive my car quickly inside as soon as possible. When I was able to doso, I shouted to my brother, “isarado mo na, isarado mo na!” Atricycle driver who witnessed the latter part of the incident testifiedto the same happenings and said that the two policemen went back totheir car and drove off, outside of our village to flee. They did notchase me. Thank God.

After this brief buttraumatic ordeal, I realized that everysingle move that they did was planned and with purpose. All the small details, when put together, make the perfect crime plan.

Their actions were clearlycalculated. To emphasize, their modus operandi is:

1) Carnappersdisguising themselves as Policemen. They were wearing full policeoutfit (blue pants, blue collared polo with police caps). They weredriving a GRAY INNOVA with a “PULIS” sign on the side door.

2) Carnappersdemanding that you show them your car registration and open the carhood. This was a tacticto obscure my line of vision when the hood is up so I couldn’t driveoff. This was also so that passersby will think that nothing wrong isgoing on, just two policemen helping fix the car.

3) Carnappersasking for your license or any document for that matter on the other side of the car,away from you. This was an attempt to open the car door/lockwhile the other policeman was distracting me. If theguy was able to get in the car, I was sure that they were going tobring me with them.

Unfortunately, thesecriminals weren’t apprehended and are walking free as you read this. Probably planning on their next “target”. That’s why I want to sharethis with all of you. To warn you of the dangers lurking around us.

This is definitely an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone else. This can happen toanyone, boy or girl. My car was heavily tinted. Even the frontwindshield was tinted. So we are assuming that I was just at the wrongplace at the wrong time.

Nagbakasakalilang sila, doesn’t matter if I was a boy or a girl, if I was alone ornot. But by God’s grace, I was able to get out of it unharmed.

If you are faced with thisexperience, call for help right away. Attract attention. This is thebest way to get out of this situation. Maintain your presence ofmind. Do NOT panic, panicking will only make matters worse. For”real” police emergency, number to call is 117. This is worth a try. Rather than having your family members or friends rescue you unarmed. Just call family or friends after you’ve called the authorities. Also,make sure to save your village or subdivision’s guard house number soyou can easily call for help when needed.

Please share this with thepeople that you care for so we may all stay away from harm’s way. Thisis not a hoax. This is real life. Let this be a reminder that wecan ONLY trust people that we know. People disguised as the “goodguys” can end up really being the evil ones. It is so sick how peoplecan be this evil when so much suffering is happening around. Pleaseplease please BE SAFE at all times.

If you can share otherexperiences or precautionary measures, please do so to aid everyone onwhat to do in situations like this.

Thank you, God bless andSTAY SAFE.

STEPH

Love quotes

kung isang araw magcing ka at maisip mong nag-iisa ka’t wlang kasama.. m2log ka ulit.. bka naiwan lang ako sa panaginip mo dhil hangga’t nand2 ako hindi k mag-iisa! pangako yan..

mhirap mwalan ng kaibigan, ng kabarkada, ng kasama, ng 2lad mo.. mahirap: pag kw nwla. mas mahirap: kw hanapin. pnkmahirap: kw palitan! at NEVER ko un gagawin..

bukas.. bka makalimot n tau pwedeng magkanyakanya.. na maaaring yun n ang katapusan kya bago pa mangyari ang lhat ng un gus2 kong sbhin.. salamat.. binuo mo ang buhay ko..

pag may “ikaw” my “ako”. di aalis c “ako” kc mahal nya c “ikaw”. pag wala n c “ikaw” la na rin c “ako”.. bakit? kc c “ikaw” ang buhay ni “ako”.. ingat c “ikaw” dhil nag-aalala c “ako”..

Minsan tinanong kita, “bakit mo sya mahal? ” sabi mo sa kin,” kse matagal na napagsamahan namin”, nainis ako kse manhid ka, di m0 man lang naisip na kung gaano kayo katagal, mas matagal kitang hinintay

Pag iniwan ba kita… Iiyak ka ba? Malulungkot? Masasaktan? Magdaramdam? Cguro ako hindi… Cguradong hindi… Kita iiwan

Even if someone already owns your heart, i dont give a damn! Though the pain is killing me, i wont care at all! I wont steal you from her but ill tell her… “mahalin mo siya para sa akin ha…”

kahit gaano ko kalakas isigaw sa buong mundo kung gaano pa rin kita kamahal, hindi mo ito maririnig dahil iba na mundo mo

dati ang saya saya natin dati di matapos yung mga kwentuhan dati sobrang dami nating alam sa isa’t-isa pero dati lng pala yon!!!! ngayon……. iba na ang lahat……..

u sed u luv me, u care and ul always b der bt wen i was abt 2 say iluvu2, u smyld and sed “practice lang, di ko kazi masabi sa kanya eh..”

Sabi nila… find a true person, yung tanggap ka? yung di ka iiwan in times of trouble.. yung the best?! Natawa ako… kse sa isip ko.. Bakit pa? Eh… nandyan ka na!

Minsan, hirap din pala magpahalaga sa isang tao.. yun tipong lagi ka andyan para sa kanya, kasama sa gitna ng gyera, karamay sa problema.. Tapos 1 araw, magigising ka na lang…iniwan ka rin pala!!!

Minsan ang daling sabihing mahal mo sya pero ang totoo, mas mahal mo yung isa! pero bakit mo pinipilit na mahalin yung isa? Simple lang! Syempre,
para makalimutan mo yung mahal mong talaga! Tama ba?

Aalis ako kasi may iba kang gusto.. .Aalis ako kasi alam kong mahal mo cya at mahal ka rin nya.. .Aalis na lang ako ha? Kasi sa tingin ko,masaya ka na…
Pero babalik din ako…Pag iniwan ka nya

Der are times in my life that i just want 2 give up & let lose, but have you ever thought why I’m still here fighting against depression..? Kse andyan ka e… Wag mo ko iiwan ha..! Bibigay ako

Sabi mo andyan ka lang..Pero bakit wala ka? Sabi mo di mo ko iiwan..Pero asan ka? Sabi mo mahal mo ko..Pero bakit d ko maramdaman? Yun pala sinabi mo lang lahat yun.. .Para d ako masaktan

Pag sobrang lapit mo sa isang kaibigan, matutunan mo syang mahalin noh?
Kaya wag kang lalapit sa akin ha? At baka mahalin kita… tapos yun pala para sayo “friend” mo lang ako…

noon sabi mo, hindi kita iiwan. Magkasama tayo kahit na anong laban…
ipagtatangol, poprotektahan… naniwala namana ko… nasiyahan… yun pala hindi na natin kailangan ng laban…. Dumating lang siya… alam ko na kung sinong talunan

Natatandaan mo dati…umiiyak ako… Sabi mo “tama na! nandito lang ako…”
tapos ngayon umiiyak pa rin ako..pero ang sinabi mo.. .”tama na,makakalimutan mo rin ako..”

I’ve always thought that i have 2 fight 4 what i really feel, I’ve fought & got hurt, still i tried 2 give it a chance.. But now i don’t know if i still believe in that kse tao lang ako… Napapagod din!!

Alam ko hindi mo sinabi na maghintay ako.. In fact, u even told me 2 forget u.. I promise, I’m trying but i really can’t… Di ko alam kung bakit ako ganito..
Nagpapakat**** at nagpapakag*g*ng maghintay at magmahal sa isang taong nde ako kayang mahalin…

Alam ko kung pano umiyak, kse pinaiyak mo na ako, alam ko kung pano masaktan, kse nasaktan mo na ako. pero alam mo kung ano ang hindi ko alam? Ang magmahal ng iba at iwan ka.

Kala ko nun tapos na… kala ko nakalimutan na kita, di ko inaasahang aabot sa ganito… nababaliw na ko sa pagmamahal sayo! ito lang tanong ko,ako kaya…mahal mo?!

Ilang beses ko na sinabi sa sarili ko na hinding-hindi na kita mamahalin,
ngunit tuwing nakikita kita laging sinasabi ng puso ko “hanggang ngayon mahal pa din kta. Di yun magbabago!”

mas mahirap ang umasa na isang araw mamahalin ka rin ng mahal mo dahil sa bawat pagkakataon na nalalaman mong may mahal syang iba at hindi ikaw.
di ba sagad hanggang buto ang sakit?

Napangiti ka na ba niya dahil andyan sya? Nabuo na ba araw mo? Pakiramdam mo ba sya na? Nagpapasalamat ka ba dahil nakilala mo sya?
Siguro “oo” sagot mo…E pano yan.. Mahal ka ba niya?

If you were beside me, i’d stare at you, look deep into your eyes while holding you very tight… And as i look at your face, i’d close my eyes and pray…
I’ wish to god…God… Sana habambuhay akin lang sya…”

Nasaktan ka ba ng malaman mong may mahal na kong iba?… Pasensya na ha..ayoko na kasing umasa… pagod na rin kong maghintay… pero makakatulong ba kung sabihin kong… handa ko siyang iwan para sa yo….

Iiwan mo ko? Sayang!… mahal pa naman kita… sakin ah! Pero sabagay bat nga naman ako masasaktan? E kahit kelan naman,di ka naging akin!

Sabi mo gusto mo ko, sabi mo konting panahon na lang magkakasama na tayo, sabi mo iiwan mo na sya…sabi mo intayin kita, sabi mo mas mahal mo ako, bakit ngayon asan ka na? Bakit kapiling ka pa rin nya.

Love quotes

A girl love this boy. but the boy didn’t mind. One day the girl got sick
and was about to die. Then the boy asked, Why are you leaving me?
then the girl answered, so I can be your angel and love you forever

Would you be my angel, to have and to hold?
Would you be my rose, to cherish more than gold?
I love you so much. I wish you were mine, but all I can do is wait till that time.

People only realize what they had after they lose it, so hold onto what you have and never let it go.

As you look back upon your life, you find the times when you have most lived, are the times when you have lived for love

I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade and people change
I’m living every moment like its my last No longer letting my future be based on my past

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.

I would give up everything for one moment with you; for one moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you

Love is not measured by how you feel, but how you make the other person feel.

You don’t marry someone you can live with. – you marry the person who you cannot live without.

My baby stuff

being mom for the first time gives me mixed feelings. Excitement, fear, joy and anticipation. And since I am on my 25th weeks now, I bought basic stuff my baby will need in the hospital.  I wanna share to you the things I bought yesterday for my kiddo… 🙂

We are still hoping for a girl though… I hope it’s a girl. Although in my last ultrasound, it looks like it’s a boy.  Anyways, as long as the baby is healthy, normal and fine…

Till then

Sad thoughts

It;s 4:30 am and I am still up. Still thinking for what I should have done to make things right. I have been a dreamer I must say. I dream for perfect endings, but it seems like no matter how I try to have it that way, that ending is impossible to have.

I almost believe that what’s going on with my life will always have a fairy tale ending. Wherein I will happily ever after. But is having that happy ending really hard to get?

I have tried to have it that way, maybe sometimes I’m a dreamer. I’m dreaming of having a perfect life. Where I will always have the life I have been dreaming, but what if the person you want to be part of that life isn’t ready to do same things with you? What if he has different perspective in life, say, be content with what he can give you and not having an extra effort in changing things you always argue or disagree about? Is it worth holding on?

Life is too short, and right now, I want to live my life to the fullest. I may not be able to see things those things when I am finally home. Yes, home, a place where I hope I won’t feel the pain.

Is it worth holding on or it is time to let go…? The pain is too much to bear now, it’s all inside me. I try not to cry, but I cannot help it. 😦 Reality bites.

One thing I have learned is sometimes, when you think that a person can’t live without you will choose you always, it’s not all the time… Sometimes, that very person will choose that toy over you. Don’t be too secured of your standing in that person’s life. Coz if the time comes that you ask him to choose, you may not like the choice he will make.

Toy vs. the one you love – it doesn’t always have to be the one you love. Most of the time, people will choose toys. I still don’t get it until now. My head spins and I am trying to crack my head out to understand why.. But it always ends up in “I think I am just not good enough”.

Right now, live with my child, that’s what is important. I have been hurt many times. A lot of times… And in those times, I am always alone. No family or friends to talk to. Trying to conceal the real happenings with both of us. I wish it’s easy the way you take things. If you cannot accept it, then go. Yes maybe in time I’ll go. But with the remaining of my life, I want to spend it with you. My life is too short… And if with my remaining life means loving you together with the pain I have inside, maybe I will stick.

I just hope that when I’m gone, you will remember me with a smile. Life is too short to worry about us being 50+. But it does feels good to think I will have that chance to reach that age, with you and our child.

Please take care of our child if ever I’m gone. Hug her and kiss her for me. Tell her how much I love both of you. You will always have my heart. Where ever I am, I will still look after you and love you even from afar..

It just not good enough

Started my Sunday feeling well and happy then turned into disaster.

I dont know if it’s my fault asking and telling my ex-house help daughter for waivers in school whenever they have field trips, film showing to be held on non-schooling days. As you all know, I used to have a househelp and since I cannot tolerate her irresponsible gossiping with our neighbors about me, my family and other tenants of our townhouse, I asked her to leave. With her leaving, she left her daughter to us who is in college. The kid decided to stay since if she will go with her mom, she will be stopping from college.

So, it is very obvious it is my responsibility to whatever happens to this kid right? I just simply told her not to do again what she’s been doing to me for this whole week, telling me she needed to go to the field trip on the night before she leaves. Is it right? I dont think so. Whenever we ask for waiver, she would tell us she doesn’t have it, it is okay if I didn’t go to college and know the rules.

Just this morning, after me and my hubby had this wee hour breakfast, we were discussing about “when it is just not good enough”. And just this morning, when I was talking to the kid about permission before leaving and going to any school activities, since my hubby said if she can’t keep up with our house rules, she is free to go and live on her own, my mom just retorted back saying “she already asked permission from me”. It is okay if she will be liable to this kid but she’s not. And told her not to meddle, to my horror, she was about to throw me the computer mouse. It’s ironic that even my husband pays for the rent of this house, this is still not my house. I pay for everything here, electricity,rent, food and all utilities and still this is not my house. hahahaha how ironic isn’t it? It will never be good enough I guess no matter what you do. I know I am not asking too much from the kid, I just don’t want to have any loopholes for her stupid mom to get back on me if something happened to her, am I right guys? Please tell me if what I’m asking from this kid is too much…

As of the moment, I want to get away from them. I packed my things and thinking of looking for another house anytime… I guess it will be better to live on my own than continue living with them where I shoulder everything and yet I don’t have the right to set the rules for the house… What dyou think?

One Minute with God

Got this wonderful images from a friend. I thought I might share it with you to show how wonderful, grateful and powerful our God is. 🙂

Business….

Oh finally, im on the last part legwork of my business. My hubby gave me this Kowloon Franchise which will serve as my baby too. I had a very hectic schedule today, went to my store to take photos since my business permit isn’t the normal one. I need to secure to historical clearance and the likes. But finally it’s almost done. Hopefully, next week I will be able to start. 🙂

Last night, my hubby mentioned to me that instead of our plan in going to Greece alone, he said we might as well have like his friend’s cruise… A Mediterranean tour…. I was shocked and stunned. Didn’t expect I’d be able to have such cruise. Anyways, it will be next year so I will have lots of time to prepare my body after giving birth.

And right now, I am overwhelmed with the blessings I am receiving. Having a great husband, expecting for a wonderful kid, my family and my new baby, My Kowloon franchise….

Love you baby!

….

As I move forward and excited about the baby, there are still some anxieties that I cannot remove from my head. Anxieties that I just all within myself.

It’s hard to pretend it’s not happening, but why not, it is happening to me. It’s here, a reality I cannot ignore. Does it always have to include pains in every joy a person will have? Or can it just be plain happiness with no consequences involved? I have tried to live a fair life, a life wherein other people’s need is more important than my needs. I have neglected my needs for a long time and it’s not good.

Now the happiness I am longing for is within my reach or shall I say it’s in my hand but why can’t I be happy without feeling this pain inside me. I try to tell myself, it’s all in my head but it is not. No matter what I do, it’s there, right in front of my face.

How can I be truly happy? Is it something that’s so hard to achieve? Something I don’t deserve?

Why I cant have the whole pie, but instead just have a slice of it and share the entire pie with others?

Why? Am I that bad? Do I deserve this? I know a lot of people will just tell me, then walk away… But how can you walk away from the only happiness you ever have in your entire life? I wish it could be that easy… I wish it’s as easy as saying, “Leave if you can’t take it anymore”… But it’s not the solution to problem. It’s just an immediate solution but not a lifetime one. Once it’s there, the effect could be far worse than holding on.

Now what am I suppose to do, I’m lost and confused..

Time Warp

Yesterday while doin’ nothin on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I took a nap and before that, been tellin’ myself I need to find something to do. So when I woke up, all of a sudden, I’ve decided to see my college best buds.

I haven’t seen my college buds since when.. Hmm last year or two years ago?! Darn, can’t even remember myself. Well anyways, so I took a bath and dress up and rushed down our home and got my car key.

It feels good to start driving again. Oh well, my first time to drive with an expensive car of course courtesy of my hubby :D…

As we took the old route goin’ to my friend’s house at Pag-Asa, memories flashed into my head. I was so happy telling Ube (daughter of our househelp) how we were during our college days.

I was so happy seeing my friend. When I went to Eve’s place, lots of memories rushed into our head. Oh well, she was still sleeping and i bugged her. While waiting for Ian, we were chatting with Claude (Eve’s bf) and we were laughing on our college days.

I thought that Ian won’t arrived so we’ve decided to leave around 7:30. But Eve told me that Ian arrived already and asked us to go there. So we went there, and I’m glad to see Tita Abet, Vic (Ian’s husband), Eula and Botchok (their kids).

We were laughing like we were still in college. Oh well, I will definitely see them more often now. I’m glad to see  my bestfriends.

Be happy right now

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,

have a baby, then another, get a new job, get a new house.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough

and we’ll be more content when they are.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than

right now! If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and

treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,

special enough to spend your time with…

And remember that time waits for no one!

So, stop waiting…

…until your car or home is paid off

…until you get a new car or a new job

…until you go back to school

…until you lose ten pounds

…until you gain ten pounds

…until you finish school

…until you get married

…until you get a divorce

…until you have kids

…until your kids leave the house

…until you retire

…until summer

…until fall

…until winter

…until spring

…until you die!

There is no better time than right now to be happy…