Back to work

Tomorrow will be my first day back to work. I dunno what to expect and what to do. After long hiatus of being professional, I know it will need time again for me to be able to grasp my daily routine.

This year, we will be moving to new office. I will definitely miss our great building today. We got great lobby and a very impressive facade. But I guess it would be better to move to smaller office than losing our jobs right?

Oh well, tomorrow is another day for a new yea. I hope this year will be a better year for us.

I’ll cross my fingers.. Till then

2009 Resolutions

2009 is almost coming, today is 30th already and one more day its the first day of the year. I would normally make New Year’s resolutions however, out of say 5 I made, I will only be able to achieve 3 of those. I would normally wonder why, but I realized, its more on, I would normally find reason why its impossible for me to achieve it.

But this year, I have resolutions again which I have started working this year. Its more on continuation of the things I have started already:

1. Lose more weight.. Yeah I have lost 30 lbs already in one month. And not bad if I lose more say 10-15 more lbs.

2. Get a new job. Oh well eventhough I am waiting for a new job, I will still try to look for new job too. Better have a fallback than nothing at all.

3. Have a baby. Yes once I lost weight, me and my hubby are planning to have our little angel next year. We hope it’s gonna be a baby girl. Since we will be naming our name as Althea Nicole. But if its gonna be a baby boy, it will be Inigo Miguel. Cute isn’t it?

4. Start a little business. By saving more this year, I might be able to start again my online store. I used to have an online store but I never had the chance to take it seriously since I am too scared that I may not be able to get back my capital. But hey, if I will not take the risk, how will my money earn aight?

5. Be the best partner and mother. Once we have our baby, I hope and will try my best to be the best I can be. I am trying to be the best partner he can have right now and I just hope that I can also be a good mom.

Right now these are the resolutions I made. And I hope I will be able to achieve all.

Till next year’s resolutions… Ciao!

Goin’ stronger

Last week has been a very nice and peaceful week for us. Although last week, my love is quite restless because of his problems. I understand how he feels, a lot of people depends on him. He has to be strong. I realized that our relationship is getting stronger and makes us more closer to each other.

I was surprised when he told me last Tue, “You know I got a song for you?”. And I asked, “What is it?”.. So he let me listen to this song..

Who would have thought a guy like him would dedicate such cute and romantic song for a girl. While he was singing at the top of his voice with matching dance choreography, I felt so loved and appreciated. No one has ever made me feel like this. I asked him if the entire lyrics is dedicated to me, oh well some of us just dedicate certain part of a song aight? But he said, “yes, my baby love. The entire song is how I feel and you make me feel”.  Below is the lyrics of this song.. It really made me calm whenever I feel like bursting. After listening to this song, I listen to this song everyday to start my day right..

(Nicole)
I remember like it was yesterday
first kiss and I knew you changed the game
you had me, exactly, where you wanted
and i’m on it, and I aint ever gon let you get away
holding hands never made me feel this way
so special, boy its your..
your smile, we so in Love (lalalalaaa)
yeeeah we so in Love (Lalalalalaaa)
and I just can’t get enough of your
lalala Lovee
yeeah we so in love LOVE
I want you to know…

You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything

In a minute now we’re still holding it down
butterflies everytime he come around
you make me, so crazy, its crazy, ohh baby
I don’t ever wanna be with no one else
you’re the only one that ever made me mad
you’re special, boy it’s your, your style
we so in Love (lalalalalaaa)
yeeeah we so in love Lalalalalalaa
and I just can’t get enough
of your lalala Love
yeah thats all i’m thinking of
LOVE, I want you to know

You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up

ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything

everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh

(Guy)
You always and forever you my sunshine
on my mind constant
think about you all the time (you’re my everything)

(Nicole)
Everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh

(Guy)
you ma new school (love)
you ma old school (love)
and it’s true you’re the one i’m thinking of

(Nicole)
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything

You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything

You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up ( you make the sun come up on a cloudy day)
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything

everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh

you are my baby baby baby babe love

everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh

you’re my everything
you are my baby baby baby baby love

And then Saturday came, I was like texting him and I felt he was cold. But to my surprise, he called me and I was shocked that he introduced me to his bestfriend. And I was speechless to know what he was telling to his friends about me. His bestfriend told me that my love told him that I am smart, caring, thoughtful, loving and someone he can talk in straight English. The last part really made me laugh. And his bestfriend asked me if I can introduce him to someone like me, because he also wants to get what my boyfriend is experiencing now. And my boyfriend said ” Sorry, she is mine and nobody can be like her”. It made me smile and realized that he is really proud of me.

Maybe in the last past few weeks, I was afraid to trust him. Not that I don’t love him, but I have been hurt a lot of times before. And when I realized just how much proud he is of me, I told myself, enough of my doubts and fears. I should learn to trust him that no matter what happens, he will always be my love. We are destined for each other. We both came in our lives, just right in time. In time we both need someone to love, hang on and share our burdens. This makes us more closer and appreciate each other more. We are not perfect, but we know that despite our flaws, we can see a perfect person for us. Because they made us better person. We both feel that we are willing to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Just like what he said and the song goes, I make the sun goes up and I am everything he dream of, I am his everything.

There is only one rule in love. And that is to make you love happy

I love you so much baby. I want you to be the father my baby. I am excited and happy as we both enjoy our journey called life. You’re my everything baby love.

Holdin’ on…

I am surprised to how long I can hold on to someone I love now. I used to be someone who can easily let go and just move on, without looking behind. But now, with what’s going on in our relationship, I am quite surprised on how much patience I am giving just to hold on and to fight for this relationship. I never knew I have that capability. I thought I am just someone who can easily move on and let go after someone said goodbye. But with him, I don’t expect I can hold on this longer despite all the pains and heartaches I am going through.

I think that is part of loving, the pain. Did I try to forget that pain is a package when you’re loving? Yes, I did. But I realized its inevitable. It will always be there. Sometimes, too much loving can also cause pain and sometimes we cannot avoid that.. And we are doing it ‘unconsciously’.

I don’t know I can love someone like him. I don’t expect I can even give this kind of love to someone. That I am capable of giving love and continue loving that person despite the heartaches he is giving me. Maybe this is what I call true love. Not trying to be masochist, it’s reality. I never felt this love so strong.

But I am no saint. I may have tantrums sometimes, which I think is just normal. I am not perfect. I may cry a lot because that’s the only way I can release the pains I feel inside. But till then, I pray that someday, everything will fall into the right place. “God thy will be done..”

Future together

Last night while love was here, I was surprised that he knew how to read palm. And on his reading, he mentioned that I will end up with the second guy I love. I’m starting to wonder, I didn’t tell him anything about my exes and my past relationships with him. Because he believes that whatever in past should remain in the past so we don’t dwell too much in talking about my ex boyfriends. I don’t think he does even know how many boyfriends I had before.

Too my surprise he said, I will end up with the second guy I have love. And I was like, “Oh my, there’s two of them I genuinely love”. Honestly, there’s only two of them I really cried and felt the fear of losing them. I just realized that what I felt with my ex isn’t really “love”. I mean, I love them but the whole of them. Maybe I was just in love with the idea that I love them but I don’t really feel it in my heart. Now that explains why I never felt so lonely nor hurt when we broke up. I thought before, I just really don’t know how to cry and when that reading happened last night, I was stunned and surprised.

I don’t regret ending up with him. I must say that he is the best guy I ever with. We have our own ups and downs but it doesn’t stop us from loving one another. Our fights and arguments are just merely way of telling one another that we are already hurting but that doesn’t mean we will give up on our relationship.

We were happy with what happened last night. Funny for other people it may seems but for us it means a lot. That even our palms says we will end up together. Btw, he was kinda sad when he said I will end up with the second guy I loved. And that’s the time I told him, “I never told you this before but there’s only two of you that I really cried and beg not to leave me. You’re the second guy I cried and beg not to leave me”. His face lit up and hug me. And he said, ” I am happy to be with you”.. Awww so sweet…

Now I think time to be more relaxed. I love him and he loves me. There’s nothing I want more. Just to be with him is enough for me to go on and live a full and contented life.

I love you my sexy love… muuah

Cold weather

Hmm the weather right now, since we got a storm. Just makes me wonder why it always rains when we are together. Is it a sign or a blessing? I just wonder…

Last night, as I watched you having good time with my bro, I wonder, is it a sign that you are indeed my soulmate. I don’t believe in soulmate in the first place, I think it’s very idealistic. But with you, I just knew, you’re everything I have been hoping to be with. Someone that makes me complete.

I really cannot find the right words to say on how much I love you. I guess with the things I am doing for you, it is enough for you to know and feel it right.

My only wish is that we will last forever, funny as it is when you said ” I will love you even if you look like raisins. And you’re stuck with me”…. 🙂

I love you baby and thanks for loving me and also my family.

Happy birthday to me?

My birthday last night didn’t started out the way I wanted it though. In morning, I was in the hotel with my boss to finish our assessment for our client. In the afternoon, I was rushing to the mall to buy some boxers for love. However, I didn’t know that my birthday will start with tears and a small confrontation.

Love and I was exchanging text messages and thought we are just playing around the usual thing we do. I was just surprise to find out, he took one of my messages seriously. Arrgghh, damn, I was crying like hell because he wouldn’t want to be with me last night.

So I was drank to cover up the pain I feel inside. But he finally said he will be coming over to see me. I don’t know but with happened last night, something tells me, I should be back with my old self. Building walls to let no one hurt me.

I had worst experiences that I could ever imagine, most of them were abusive. This is one is quite different that made me decide that I should let him get that close to me and trust him like I never did before. I remember this quote that was sent to me once “Love like you were never hurt before:… And that’s what I am doing now.

I am just waiting for next year. We are planning to have our baby. Maybe by that time, I will no longer be hurt like this. I’ve got my baby… I know some of you will tell me, “Oh baby isn’t the answer”, but for me, that is the best thing I could do.

So this journey continues. I shall write more with my journey with him, what do you think?

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

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