Bob Ong’s quote

PAG-IBIG (LOVE)

“Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..” (If you don’t love a person, don’t give a motive for him/her to love you)

“Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon.” (Everybody gets serious if they are truly in love. However, not everybody is strong in temptations)

“Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo.” (Use your heary to take care those people you care about. Use your head to take care of yourself)

“Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.” (Don’t let go of something you don’t want to use holding by other people).

“Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.” (Don’t hold something that you know you will just let go)

“Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.” (Don’t hold on to something if you know you’re already holding one)

“Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”( It is just like an elevator. Why push yourself if there’s no place for you. There is a stair, you just ignore it.)

“Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”(If you will just wait for someone to flirt with you, nothing will happen to your life.You should also flirt)

“Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.” (If you like someone and he/she does’t like you, let it be. Who knows in the next day, you don’t like him/her also,it so happens, he/she felt it first)

“Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”(Leave him/her if you’re not happy anymore.There is no cure for stupid only initiative)

“Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”(If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t complain. Because there are also people that you don’t love but they love you. So it’s even.)

“Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila? (Why do children don’t want to take a nap in the afternoon?Do they know if they learn to love, they cannot sleep even if they want to)

“Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.” (Not sadness or fear is the difficult part of being alone. It is the acceptance that out of billions of people in the world, there is nobody who even tried to fight just to be with you)

“Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!” (If you love somebody that doesn’t deserve you and you got hurt, don’t blame your heart. Your heart is only beating to supply blood to your body. Now if you’re good at anatomy and blame your hypothalamus that controls your emotions, you’re wrong again. Why?For Christ sake, don’t blame all of your body organs for your pains in your life. Remember this, you will only be happy, if you learn that not your heart,brain,liver or intestines has nothing to do with all the things that happens in your life because IT IS YOURSELF!)

PAG-AARAL (STUDIES)

“Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!).”(Study hard.Because if you will stop, you will regret when you get old that you never experienced the joy brought by no classes or suspension of classes or teachers being absent)

“Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba’t-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan…” (You learned that there are free lectures in the world, and it is you who will make the syllabus. There are a lot of teachers outside school, it is your decision who you will choose to teach you. All of us are enrolled now in a university, there are a lot of free subjects that are difficult, but because it is free, it is your lost if you drop.One by one we will graduate, in different ways. Our only diploma are the memories of whatever help or love that we left in this world that we once tried to change)

“Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa.”(Encourage everybody to have at least one favorite book in their life. Because there will be more wretched than those people who are literate but doesn’t read)

“dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung ‘di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit. sobrang lugi. kung alam lang ‘yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela.” (You will only study for two decades. If you will not persevere, five decade of poverty will substitute.If the youth only knows about this, I believe no one will avoid school)

BUHAY (IN GENERAL) (LIFE)

“nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures.” ( I’ve learned that final exam isn’t the passing rate of life. It is not multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks that is being answered but and essay that we write everyday. It will be judged not based whether we have right or wrong answer but based on the value of what we write. Erasures are allowed)

“Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan.” (You can eat a siopao with a pad of cat or walk in broken glasses without foot cover but never ever try drugs. If you cannot avoid it, seek help of your parents. Because they know cheaper supplier and they will never cheat on you)

“Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa’yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili.” (Dream and strive to achieve it. Don’t blame your broken family, your useless boyfriend/girlfriend, crippled puppy or flying cockroaches. If your family has shortcomings to you,you can blame and rebel. Stop studying, marry someone, do drugs, dye your armpit hair. In the end, you will be the victim. A rebel that doesn’t prove anything and has good reason to yourself)

“Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa’yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?” (Achieve your dream. It is your obligation to yourself.If you want to eat tons of soil so you will be included in the Guiness book of record so our country will be proud of you, go ahead.Who the hell are they.Ignore whatever the people will say to stop you. If the scientists before didn’t strive, we are not living in Jupiter now. But we are not living in Jupiter now because the scientists before didn’t strive harder. Do you see the moral lesson?)

“Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras.” (I learned that as we grow, you will stumble a lot of times. Whether you get up or not, life will continue, the earth will still revolve and time will be exhausted)

HALO-HALO (ANYTHING)

“Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka.” (Don’t rush in marriage. Three, five or ten years from now, your standard will change and you will realize that it is not right to choose a partner just because she sounded like Debbie Gibson or can do break dancing. It is true that character is still more important. As the time passes, even your school heartrobs will look like bread. Believe me)

“ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko.” ( I don’t want to get used of the things that I will lose eventually)

“hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?” ( Are you look for me or my absence?)

“hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. ” (Not because you cannot understand something, it is already a lie. And not all you can understand is truth)

“Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa’yo – ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao.” (They said that in any problem,  there is only one person who can help you- IT IS YOURSELF. They are right. I surrendered myself. Maybe that is why God gave conscience, because he knows not all the time our brains are functioning.)

“Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko.” (It’s my obligation to sail, it is my right to go to anywhere I want to go, my life is my responsibility)

“Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko.” (I am a bad person, like you, in the same way that you’re a good person like me)

“Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.” (It is better to fail in doing something that win in doing nothing)

“iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala.” (Doing nothing is different from not doing anything)

“iba ang informal gramar sa mali !!!” (Informal grammar is different from wrong grammar)

” Para san ba ang cellphone na may camera? Kung kailangan sa buhay un, dapat matagal na kong patay.” (What is the use of phones with camera? If it is really needed in life, I am already dead a long time ago)

The Ten Conyo–mandments

(By Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu)

1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”

“Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore!”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “di ba” and “eh” in your pangungusap

“I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, noh? Eh di ba it’s like, so
ewww, di ba?
“What ba? Stop nga being maarte noh!”
“Eh as if you want naman also, di ba?

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang–uri!”

“It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman, I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, “tsong” or “pare”

“Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh.”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

“My bag is so bigat today, you know.”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kase the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangalans like in English or Spanish

“I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always like. Like, I know right?

“Like it’s so init naman!”
“Yeah! The air–con, it’s like sira kase eh!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your
sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

“Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
”It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty of abbreviations, you know, daglat?

“Like OMG! It’s like traffic sa EDSA.”
“I know, right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamarte voice and pronunciation you have para full
effect!

“I’m like, making aral at the Arrhneow!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”

Why teachers are stressed?

Do you wonder why teachers are so stressed? Please see some samples below…

Essay #1

Essay # 2

Math Equation # 1

Math Equation # 2

Math Equation # 3

Math Equation # 4

Math Equation # 5

One good reason for doing the right thing today is TOMORROW!

Dating Table

New words for 2008

1. BLAMESTORMING- Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2.SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3.ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

4.SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.

6.PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

8.SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9.STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10.SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11.XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

12.IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admonisher are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message ‘404 Not Found,’ meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17.OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18.WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

Bitchology

Bitchy quotes

Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow”

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”-

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

I’m not anti-social, I just don’t like you”

“We are all going to hell, and I am driving the bus”

“You shouldn’t compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think.”

“The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never go away.”

“I can either be your best friend or your worst enemy”.

We crush the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies

I’m not a tease, Im just a reminder of what you can’t have

**If it doesn’t fit force it, if it breaks it needed replaced anyway*

“Enjoy life. There’s plenty of time to be dead.”

“I don’t want to achieve immortality thru my work. I want to achieve immortality thru not dying”

Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

Don’t give other people a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change

Good friends will help you move. REALLY good friends will help you move bodies.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

“Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes.”

I wanna be different just like everyone else

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don’t eat pork. I’m sorry, what was that last one?? Don’t eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt

I believe that imagination is more important than knowledge.

You can’t argue with a sick mind

You’re only young once, but you can be immature the rest of your life

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

Every piece of paper has two good sides… Unless you use magic marker then you’re fucked

When faced with a difficult task, pass it on to a lazy person and she’ll figure out an easier way to accomplish it.

“Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers”

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying “that was fucking awesome

What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?

“Butchs are like roses, watch out for the pricks…

Stoners live and stoners die, and at the end they all get high, then soon the don’t succeed, FUCK IT ALL LETS SMOKE SOME WEED!

*Fighting for peace is like f***in for virginity*

It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.

Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again
A wise monkey never monkies w/ another monkey’s monkey!

***Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege***

Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!

Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!
*They say true love hides behind every Corner…I must be walking in Circles! *

Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!

4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

FOR ALL OF YOU WHO TALK ABOUT ME THANKS FOR MAKING ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD!

I can only please one person per day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I am not a player…I’m the game

I’m not a blonde! I’m knot! I’m knot! I’m knot!

I Know I’m Not Perfect, but I’m So Close it scares me~! ~

I smile because I have no idea what is going on

I dont need Your Attitude, I Have One of My Own

****I’m not weird! I’m gifted****

You’re only bad if you’re caught… So that makes me a good girl, RIGHT!

~What a shame…looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks!

CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY “I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE”

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Hooked on funks worked far me, Kant cha tell?

DON’T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

Success comes before work… only in the dictionary

~*Never fight with an ugly person~*~they have nothing to loose! *~

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I’m done!

~* Big Girls dont cry they get even*~

NO OFFICER THERE’S ANY BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM!
In some cultures what I do is considered normal

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

Roses are red violets are blue
sugar is sweet and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead
the sugar bowls empty and so is your head

If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk

Mirrors don’t talk and lucky for you they don’t laugh!

I don’t come with dice-so don’t play me.

This is an inside joke and your on the outside!

-That’s all right, that’s okay, you’re going to pump my gas someday! –

Don’t think of it as losing, think of it as getting beat by a girl

Don’t Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen

EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards

Life isn’t a garden…so stop being a hoe!

HOW MANY BOWLS OF COURAGE DID U EAT THIS MORNING?

Roses are red violets are blue I’m skitzafranic and so am I!

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

Fact: If you ever hurt me…you get it back 10 times worse.

I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night…”

“Winston, you are drunk.” – Lady Astor
“Yes my dear, but you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober” – Winston Churchill

“It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another. It’s the same damn thing over and over.”

How many frickin’ times do I have to say, ‘In the form of a question’, people?!?” – Alex Trebek

I no longer wish to belong to the kind of club that accepts people like me as members” – Groucho Marx

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it’s in a jar on my desk.” – Stephen King

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” – Britney Spears

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember

How can there be self-help GROUPS?

What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Save Your Breath … You’ll need it to blow up your date

Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!

Don’t go away mad, just go away!

We’re having creative differences. I’m creative, you’re different

Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.

I’d like to see things your way, but I’m not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass.

What is your worst sin? My vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty. That isn’t vanity, dear, that’s imagination.

If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?

It’s a beautiful world but everyone’s insane.”

~Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

It’s not that I don’t like you! It’s just that when I’m not behind the mic I’m a person just like you!

A butch talks dirty to a women and its sexual harassement. A women talks dirty to a butch and its $3.95 a min.

“Drug laws create criminals”

Your friends are worth more than you think–$7.99 at least

“Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much.”

“If you need space, join NASA, baby”

Its not an attitude ,its the way I am

If the ocean was made of vodka and I were a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up.
But since the ocean isnt vodka and Im not a duck, Just hand me the bottle and shut the fuck up.

Bad English Part 2

Well, last night while I was writing the Bad English article, I forgot this recent incident. This happened during the last Binibining Pilipinas 2008. The girl who won the Binibining Pilipinas World and will be competing for this year Ms. World beauty pageant has a very bad command in English. Come to think of it, Ms. Janina San Miguel is a communication student (major in Broadcasting), and yet she has this English command.

Just see and watch: (please see the transcript too!)

Plus the transcript!

Paolo Bediones: Janina, how are you?
Janina San Miguel: I’m fine.
Paolo Bediones: Alright, so you won two of the major awards – Best in Long Gown, Best in Swimsuit, do you feel any pressure right now?
Janina San Miguel: No, I don’t feel any pressure right now.
Paolo Bediones: Confident! Alright! Please choose a name of the judge.
Paolo Bediones: We have Miss Vivienne Tan.
Vivienne Tan: Good Evening.
Janina San Miguel: Good Evening.
Vivienne Tan: The question is, what role did your family play to you as candidate to Binibining Pilinas?
Janina San Miguel: Well, my family’s role for me is so important b’coz there was the wa- they’re, they was the one who’s… very… Hahahaha… Oh I’m so sorry, Ahhmm… My pamily (thi… My family… Oh my god… I’m… Ok, I’m so sorry… I… I told you that I’m so confident… Eto, Ahhmm, Wait… Hahahaha, Ahmmm, Sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever b’coz I’m only 17 years old and ahahaha I, I did not expect that I came from, I came from one of the top 10. Hmmm, so… but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you.

Hmm, now what do you think of her English? Can you understand? I wonder how she even won the title and for me I she had not answered the question. See, the p and f she says “pamily” while it should be “f”amily.

A lot of of people says that this also happens with Ms. Teen U.S.A (Ms. South Carolina). And she doesn’t have any excuse since she is an American and she should have “mastered” this language very well. Hmm I can’t seem to understand whether she is confused or don’t know how to answer that damn question.

Please take A look..(Please read the transcript!)

The question: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?

Transcript of Ms. South Carolina’s answer:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as. And I believe that they should, uh, our education over here! In the U.S. should help the U.S., or, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

Hmm funny right? I wonder when they can try to at least speak slowly but surely *confused*.. Why they always have to be in the rush.

Bad English…

I was working with call center industry for almost 5 years. And given I have been dealing with foreigners most of the time and we are not allowed to disclose our locations, (say even if the customer noticed our native accent, we should still say that we are located in U.S.), we need to really sound like Americans or Brits, depends which account you will be handling.

Mostly of the accounts I handled were U.S. clients so I need to undergo this American Accent training with none other than Anne Cook. Dang she is really good. But since I am a Filipino, I think there would still be slip of the tongue when it comes to this English language. The common problems of Filipinos I think would be the P and the F, the B and V. Most of the time, they interchange this with one another for example “pe-der” (this should be “F”ea=ther), fey-per (this should be “P”ey-per) and the likes. Also the “Th” sounds.

Hmm, I think this is the classic Filipino English which is mostly shown during our Accent training classes. This is why I just so love Rex Navarette. I know some people think he is kinda racist but common, he is stand up comedian, and I think most of them do this as well.

Yeah see the P and the F. 😀

Maritess is also funny..

Basically this are videos that shows that we need to have to improve our English if we are really serious in getting in the call center industry. But sometimes, I think when I was in this industry, I find some of the agents so TH (trying hard) when they try to imitate the way black people speak. For me, I think, they sounded like this:

Yeah, the more harder you try to sound like those black or put some twangs the more it ends up in disaster. Example the beach ends up with short e and it sound like BITCH!. Common dude, speak in your normal way. Don’t be so trying so hard. You look like a mess.

I’d rather listen to this person. Who thinks that the title of Mariah Carey’s song Without you is Ken Lee. I think she has more excuse in English language since I think only few speaks fluent English in Bulgaria.

Hmm, now I wonder, do I also speak that bad. But hey, so far in my stay in the call center, none of my customers during escalations of my agents thinks I am not located in U.S. so as my agents.

Maybe, I should not be confident enough. I should still improve my English.

Prayers of the Stress Impaired

  • Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am e.s.t.
  • God, help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.
  • God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually NOT my fault.
  • God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!
  • Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.
  • God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.
  • God give me patience, and I mean right NOW!
  • Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)
  • God, help me to finish everything I sta
  • God, help me to keep my mind on one th-Look a bird-ing at a time.
  • God, help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?
  • Lord, keep me open to others’ ideas, WRONG though they may be.
  • Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.
  • Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I’ll settle for a few minutes.
  • Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo. Amen

Just for a laugh

Got this from my officemate. I can’t help but laugh while reading it.

  • “Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!” ~ Talong ~
  • “Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!” ~ Putok ~
  • “Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?” ~ Lego ~
  • “Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako’yiyong matikman at ika’y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!” ~ Popcorn ~
  • “Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!” ~ Singit ~
  • “Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako’y sa iyo. Ayoko langnaman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!” ~ Utot ~
  • “Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!” ~ Pigsa ~
  • “Kapag ang katawan mo’y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya’t maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!” ~ Aircon ~
  • “Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sapagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!” ~ Christmas Tree. ~
  • “I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, Ididn’t ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipol!” ~ Manny Pacquiao ~
  • “You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me awayjust like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of shit!” ~ Tissue ~
  • “Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!” ~ Golddilocks ~
  • “Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!” ~ Jollibee~
  • “Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Satuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod ako sa pagngiti!” ~ Smiley ~
  • “You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, itwasn’t fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it’s allyour fault! You stabbed me with a knife!” ~ Sibuyas ~
  • “Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,” ~ Ice Candy ~
  • “Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil bamas sweet ang iba?”. ~ Fruitcake ~
  • “Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!”. ~ Panty ~
  • “Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako”. ~ Electric fan ~
  • “Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!” ~ winnie d’ pooh ~
  • “Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo”. ~ ipis ~
  • “Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo.” ~ hipon ~
  • “Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!” ~ Gasolina ~
  • “Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako.”~ Bola ~
  • “Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka? ~ TV ~
  • “Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C” ~ kili kili ~
  • “Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako! ~ Libag ~
  • “Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan…” ~ Sanitary Napkin ~
  • “Hwag mo na akong bilugin..” ~ kulangot ~
  • “Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali, gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!” ~ Brief ~
  • “Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo! ~ deodorant ~
  • “Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!” ~ English ~
  • “Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!”~ Shrek ~

Why live in the Philippines

I got this from an email. I find written here very funny but unfortunately true. Have fun reading

When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines ? Well here it is…..

It is the only place on earth where……

1. Every street has a basketball court.
2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.
8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
9. Everything can be forged.
10. All kinds of animals are edible.
11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
18. People can pay to defy the law.
19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.
20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!
21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.
22. Being called a bum is never offensive.
23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
27. Where insurance does not work.
28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.
29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.
32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
34.. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;
35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.
36. Fast food is a diet meal.
37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
38. Where being mugged is normal and It happens to everyone.
39. Rodents are normal house pets.
40. The definition of traffic is the ‘non-movement’ of vehicles.
41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;
42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.
47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga ‘to!)
48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax)
– than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.
2. Anita Bakery
3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night
4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;
5. A bakery named Bread Pitt
6. Fast-food place selling ‘maruya’ (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.
7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing
8. A boutique called The Way We Wear
9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental
10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken
11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s
12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts
13. A shop selling ‘lumpia’ (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll
14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the ‘Taglish’ (The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:
15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu ? We hab sopdrink in can an in batol? [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].
16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises – [translation: Beads and Pieces –or– Bits and Pieces]

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but
they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to ‘correct’ them like…….
17. In a restaurant in Baguio City , the ‘summer capital’ of the Philippines : ? Wanted: Boy Waitress?
18. On a highway in Pampanga: ?We Make Modern Antique Furniture?
19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : ? We Shoot You While You Wait?
20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila :?Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier?.

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:
21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: ? We Sell Imported Robber Shoes? (these could be the ‘sneakiest’ sneakers);
22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: ?House For Rent, Fully Furnaced? (it must really be hot inside)!
23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique – if not altogether odd.

City in southern Philippines which said: ?Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation? .
24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia – which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively – (believe it or not)!
25. Some folks also ‘creatively’ redesign English to be more efficient.?The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, ?says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign …..

House Fersallarend’ (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?
26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because?We are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive?. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?