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As I move forward and excited about the baby, there are still some anxieties that I cannot remove from my head. Anxieties that I just all within myself.

It’s hard to pretend it’s not happening, but why not, it is happening to me. It’s here, a reality I cannot ignore. Does it always have to include pains in every joy a person will have? Or can it just be plain happiness with no consequences involved? I have tried to live a fair life, a life wherein other people’s need is more important than my needs. I have neglected my needs for a long time and it’s not good.

Now the happiness I am longing for is within my reach or shall I say it’s in my hand but why can’t I be happy without feeling this pain inside me. I try to tell myself, it’s all in my head but it is not. No matter what I do, it’s there, right in front of my face.

How can I be truly happy? Is it something that’s so hard to achieve? Something I don’t deserve?

Why I cant have the whole pie, but instead just have a slice of it and share the entire pie with others?

Why? Am I that bad? Do I deserve this? I know a lot of people will just tell me, then walk away… But how can you walk away from the only happiness you ever have in your entire life? I wish it could be that easy… I wish it’s as easy as saying, “Leave if you can’t take it anymore”… But it’s not the solution to problem. It’s just an immediate solution but not a lifetime one. Once it’s there, the effect could be far worse than holding on.

Now what am I suppose to do, I’m lost and confused..

Time Warp

Yesterday while doin’ nothin on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I took a nap and before that, been tellin’ myself I need to find something to do. So when I woke up, all of a sudden, I’ve decided to see my college best buds.

I haven’t seen my college buds since when.. Hmm last year or two years ago?! Darn, can’t even remember myself. Well anyways, so I took a bath and dress up and rushed down our home and got my car key.

It feels good to start driving again. Oh well, my first time to drive with an expensive car of course courtesy of my hubby :D…

As we took the old route goin’ to my friend’s house at Pag-Asa, memories flashed into my head. I was so happy telling Ube (daughter of our househelp) how we were during our college days.

I was so happy seeing my friend. When I went to Eve’s place, lots of memories rushed into our head. Oh well, she was still sleeping and i bugged her. While waiting for Ian, we were chatting with Claude (Eve’s bf) and we were laughing on our college days.

I thought that Ian won’t arrived so we’ve decided to leave around 7:30. But Eve told me that Ian arrived already and asked us to go there. So we went there, and I’m glad to see Tita Abet, Vic (Ian’s husband), Eula and Botchok (their kids).

We were laughing like we were still in college. Oh well, I will definitely see them more often now. I’m glad to see  my bestfriends.

Ian and Eve

Be happy right now

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,

have a baby, then another, get a new job, get a new house.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough

and we’ll be more content when they are.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than

right now! If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and

treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,

special enough to spend your time with…

And remember that time waits for no one!

So, stop waiting…

…until your car or home is paid off

…until you get a new car or a new job

…until you go back to school

…until you lose ten pounds

…until you gain ten pounds

…until you finish school

…until you get married

…until you get a divorce

…until you have kids

…until your kids leave the house

…until you retire

…until summer

…until fall

…until winter

…until spring

…until you die!

There is no better time than right now to be happy…

Bataan getaway

I have neglected my blog for long time now and honestly I am overwhelmed with what’s going on with my life. But anyways, last May 7, my hubby and I decided to have a getaway to Bataan.

As a matter of fact, it was our second option. Our first plan was to go to Boracay, However, due to budget issues, (kuripot na naman ako), I chose a place just within Luzon. I understand that there are budget trip from Cebu Pacific however we thought that we need to leave the island around 5 am just to get the flight back to Manila.

So finally, we end up in Bataan. I finally found this getaway from Manila and I must admit, ’twas really great.

On our first day, it wasn’t that nice. Emong just met us as we travel the SCTEX. And when we arrived at the resort, my hubby and I went to the shore and watch those huge waves. Here are some photos:

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Yeah as you can see, we were telling each other that it won’t be a good idea to go to Bataan at this time. But positive me, told my hubby, “Hey, don;t worry tomorrow will be a sunny day”..

So the following day, we were greeted with a cheerful sun. And I knew it will be great day for the two of us. Here are the photos of the resort while sunny…

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Oh well, this is our first trip when I was 6 weeks pregnant. We promised to have more trips by next year after giving birth.

Till next time…

And it’s here.. Finally..

Oh well I have not updating my blog lately since I need a bed rest. I am currently on my way to 6 weeks pregnancy and getting and getting excited to see my baby.

I hope that my baby will be a girl, and that she will grow  God fearing, loving, healthy and most of all strong like his papa.

Oh my hubby is so excited, we are both hoping to have a baby girl so he could have his princess. 🙂

There is nothing more exciting and fun knowing that I will be a mom soon.  But whenever I think of my angel’s coming, there are still some fear in me that sets in. Most of all is, will I ever be a good mom?

I just hope that I will be able to raise my kid like my parents did to us. I pray to God that He will give us a healthy baby and that He will always keep her safe.

Till next time..

xoxo

I hope this is it…

I’m having this weird bleeding since last week. Not a regular menstruation I guess but rather a very short or most likely spotting only. I wonder if this what you call ‘implantation bleeding’. I am expecting to have my period this 24th, but I am hoping and praying that I am really pregnant. According to my doctor, I am showin’ signs of a pregnant woman, coz if I do now, I am on my third week.

But things aren’t always goin’ smoothly lately. Most of the times I feel so alone and just tryin to cover all the pains inside me. I try to smile so no one would know that I am hurting..

I guess I am good at it. Been good at it the longest time I can remember.

Now May 15 is also near, I need to prepare myself for looking for a new job. I cannot afford to be totally dependent on my bf. Especially if I am pregnant. I need to find a new job before May ends.

In these past three months, all I do is wonder. Whether I would still want a 8-5 job or I would want to set up my own biz.  I will be getting a separation pay and I might use it for small biz. But darn, deep inside of me I am scared. What if the biz won’t work out? What will happen to me and my baby if in case?

A lot of things have been goin’ on my head. I have no one to talk to. I envy those people who have a lot of friends. I do have friends but they are too far right now. Some of them, they just left me. Now I am missing Jen.. I wish she’s here.

And right now, my bf and I argue a lot. And sometimes, I just want to give up. But should I give up now if I have a baby now?

Right now, I dunno what to do?

My Wishlist

Oh well I know it’s kinda late now for my this year’s wishlist. However I would like to share it you. Too bad the idea just came to my head just last night while lying on my bed.

As you know, I will be losing my job on May 15 because of redundancy. The fact I will be losing my job makes me feel scared since I am supporting my family. But the fact that I know I can surpass this crisis since I’ve got the most loving, patient and supporting husband. (Oh well I considered him as my husband aight?!)

Okay now here’s my wishlist for this year:

1. Have a baby.. Well I hope its a baby girl since my hubby wants to have a princess. He’s excited to have a baby so his wish is my top priority. I guess He has always been my top priority since we were together.

2. Make my small business ventures a success. I have decided to start my small business. It is a fragrance business and I am planning to sell it to my friends and put some at my sister’s resto. Her place is a nice place to put one since there are a lot of students there. If this will be a hit, I am planning to start another one, an e-loading business. Oh well, I would love to have this business. Not that I’m lazy aight, but I don’t want to work anymore because I want to concentrate on taking care of my family. My husband and specially if I will get pregnant this year, our baby..

3. Find a new job. I would want to find new job but not as hectic as my previous one. I want a less stressful job so I will have more time taking care of my family.

4. To be less jealous. Oh well, insecurities always hits me. I am insecure of those girls paying attention to my sexy love. I know I am not pretty nor sexy and that makes me more insecure when he gives attention to those girls. Eventhough he would always tell me I’ve got the most beautiful brown eyes he have ever seen.

5. Learn to trust him again. We’ve got lot of issues lately and this is one thing I should try my best to learn…. To trust him again. I won’t elaborate further but I hope God will help me.

6. Enjoy every moment of my life. We’ll we will never know until when He will get us. But enjoying every moment of our life will at least make us feel more complete. Regrets will not be there but just pure satisfaction.

7. Love him more. I guess I have been loving him less because of my jealousy. I just hope it’s not too late.

I guess this is for it now… I think its doable…

Ciao!

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