Holdin’ on…

I am surprised to how long I can hold on to someone I love now. I used to be someone who can easily let go and just move on, without looking behind. But now, with what’s going on in our relationship, I am quite surprised on how much patience I am giving just to hold on and to fight for this relationship. I never knew I have that capability. I thought I am just someone who can easily move on and let go after someone said goodbye. But with him, I don’t expect I can hold on this longer despite all the pains and heartaches I am going through.

I think that is part of loving, the pain. Did I try to forget that pain is a package when you’re loving? Yes, I did. But I realized its inevitable. It will always be there. Sometimes, too much loving can also cause pain and sometimes we cannot avoid that.. And we are doing it ‘unconsciously’.

I don’t know I can love someone like him. I don’t expect I can even give this kind of love to someone. That I am capable of giving love and continue loving that person despite the heartaches he is giving me. Maybe this is what I call true love. Not trying to be masochist, it’s reality. I never felt this love so strong.

But I am no saint. I may have tantrums sometimes, which I think is just normal. I am not perfect. I may cry a lot because that’s the only way I can release the pains I feel inside. But till then, I pray that someday, everything will fall into the right place. “God thy will be done..”

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