My American Heart

Quite surprised today when I received his phone call. He is calling me from California. Let me try to introduce this guy. This is the guy I was with for 6 years. I met him through a common friend named Bao. Bao was so eager to help me go to US that time and we are thinking of ways how. Till he remembered his friend named Casey. “Casey is such a nice guy”, that what’s Bao said. And told him, “Is he willing to help me out?”. He said “Of course he will, and I am pretty sure he will fall for you”. So he gave me his number then I called.

The moment he picked up the phone, I said, he must be good looking and indeed nice. So we talked over the phone for the next 2 hours. We exchange questions about ourselves, things we would like to know about us. And it does include why I would want to move to US and if I am ready to marry a foreigner. Yes at that time, we both know it is just plainly “marry me and once I get my greencard, we’re done”.

But see, for a year that we chat, talk and exchange emails there is something strange feelings that started to grow inside me. A feeling that I can’t explain. So it came to a point that he admitted to me, he is falling for me as well and so am I.

When I hear Estelle`s song American boy, he is the first that came into my mind. The song fits…

Take me on a trip, I’d like to go some day.
Take me to New York, I’d love to see LA.
I really want to come kick it with you.
You’ll be my American Boy.

He said Hey Sister.
It’s really really nice to meet ya.
I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who’s just my type.
I like the way he’s speaking his confidence is peaking.
Don’t like his baggy jeans but Ima like what’s underneath them.
And no I ain’t been to MIA
I heard that Cali never rains and New York’s heart awaits. First let’s see the west end.
I’ll show you to my Bredrin.
I’m liking this American Boy. American Boy

Take me on a trip, I’d like to go some day
Take me to New York, I’d love to see LA.
I really want to come kick it with you.
You’ll be my American Boy, American Boy.

Can we get away this weekend.
Take me to Broadway.
Let’s go shopping baby then we’ll go to a Café.
Let’s go on the subway.
Take me to your hood.
I neva been to Brooklyn and I’d like to see what’s good.
Dressed in all your fancy clothes.
Sneaker’s looking Fresh to Death I’m lovin those Shell Toes.
Walkin that walk.
Talk that slick talk.
I’m likin this American Boy. American Boy.

Take me on a trip, I’d like to go some day.
Take me to New York, I’d love to see LA.
I really want to come kick it with you.
You’ll be my American Boy

Our relationship is not the typical relationship. We have Long Distance Relationship. And it requires a lot of trust. Eventhough he is in US and I am here in the Philippines, it did not stop us from having a wonderful relationship. He made me feel special and loved. That even he is thousand of miles away, I know he is faithful and loyal to me. He remains true. Whenever girls are around him, he is proud to tell them he is with a Filipina Girl. And that he loves me so much. So girls would usually say, that I am luck, well I am.. He is good looking, sexy, smart,sweet, nice, God fearing.. Almost perfect.

I met his mom over the phone. She is a very nice and fine woman. A woman full of love and compassion. A very ideal future mother in law.

He took care of me in a very special way even he is out there. Now I am confused because he starts communicating with me again.

I am torn between Ouchies and to my American heart.

Till then..

Parental Control

I love watching this reality t.v. show. I just don’t understand why some kids really fall in love with the wrong one. In US I assume when they reach 16, they cannot be controlled by their parents. But when I watched this reality show, I told myself “dang, they have this kind of show”. hmm…

In the latest version, parents unhappy with their child’s current partner, interview and select prospective partners who vie for the affections of their child. Afterwards, their child goes on a date with the two selections. They have to decide whether to keep their current relationship, or one of the new prospects.

During each date, the parents and the current partner watch and comment, often antagonistically, as the date unfolds on television. When the dates are finished, the child selects their new partner from amongst the competitors and current partner.

I remember when I was in high school, I was so scared to let my family know that somebody likes me. Being in conservative family, I was so scared, which I don’t know why. So till I was in college, my mentality is like this. The guy should be well liked by my family.

I remember whenever guy sends me something before, I made it sure nobody sees it. Then as I mature, I learned that there is nothing wrong if somebody likes me. Then, that’s the time I asked my suitors visit me at home which I think is more appropriate.

Most of the guy I was involved with, were pretty decent and nice guys. But I must say, there is only one of them who really made a huge difference of who I am now. He made me realize a lot of things, pushed me to my limit to give everything I can to get what I want. To learn how to hold on despite of the pain and not to give up easily no matter what other people will say. Before if I didn’t get something that I like on the first try, I just give up easily. And mostly, this guy taught me how to cry. With my ex boyfriends before, I don’t know how to cry. I just simply don’t like them seeing me cry. For me it is sign of weakness. I am not weak. So I built all these walls and don’t let anyone get that close, close enough to hurt me. But with him, I let all my guards down and the very ‘first’ guy who made me cry.

The Parental control with him, didn’t became a big issue. With his status, I am sure that it should require lots of parental advices and the likes but to my surprise, I didn’t get a single one. Although my mom would always tells me that he likes my ex from US before (that guy and I were together for 6 years that’s why) more than this guy. But see, she didn’t stop me because she knows I am happy with this guy.

Right now, I was able to surpass all those difficult trials, on the verge of losing him but I keep on holding on. First time to hold on to someone, scared of losing him since I learned to love him. 18 months has passed, and yet we are not exclusively into this relationship, ‘special friend’ I think would suited us better. But I don’t regret anything of it, I am happy and I love this guy.

I will hold on till I can. The parental control, would always be there, and I am not close to that idea. But I am glad my parents didn’t stop me the way these parents in this reality shows does. My mom just listens (my dad died almost four years ago already) and my mom would always just be there behind me to support me if I am down.

So I think, some children should somehow be glad of those ‘parental control’. Parents would never want something bad to happen to us. Just explain to them how you feel whenever they try to apply this control. I am sure they won’t stop you from being happy but give them a chance to explain themselves as well. 🙂