Me and my lil man
07 Jan 2010 Leave a Comment
When do you say goodbye? I guess what I did last night was right. I thought I could hold on longer but I was wrong. I don’t want my lil man see me and his dad fighting all the time. I think we better off as friends. I know, I shouldn’t gave up but for the sake of our child, I’d rather have him as a friend and have our lil man see us happy together than as couples who always fights and argue all the time.
I’ve got plans after giving birth. As I told him last December, even just after giving birth…. And now I gave birth, I guess I ought to keep my promise.. I will give him the freedom he wants. I know he would say he doesn’t want to end this, but what I know right now is that maybe he just can’t say goodbye.
It hurts a lot but I’ve got to be strong for my kid. Having Bell’s palsy is also something that I need to work on. I am glad that I have found a good-hearted employer online who is willing to give me a job. I am intending to keep it, and do my best to make her happy with my job. Even just for my kid, life has to go on. I shouldn’t stop even if I am tired. Yes, I think one thing I’ve learned from my child’s dad is never stop even if you are tired. There’s no room for tiredness.
Our future together is unknown. But whatever that awaits for me and my man, I will just enjoy the journey. Before I travel alone, but now I’ve got my lil man travelling with me in this journey called life..
My ordeal with Bell’s Palsy
07 Jan 2010 6 Comments
in Anything goes, Family, Inspirational, Personal Tags: bell's palsy, delivery, giving birth, Perpetual, UPHR
I haven’t blog anything lately since I just gave birth to a wonderful boy last December 29, 2009 at UPHR Las Pinas. Everything was fine until last Dec 31 when I feel suddenly numbness on my left side of my face. I thought it was just something like an allergic reaction. Then morning of January 1, while brushing my teeth, I can’t really gargle on my left face. And I noticed, my left eye can’t even blink. I called our family doctor and told him about it, first it was thought to be an allergy so he gave me claritin. But nothing changed. Till he mentioned it could be “BELL’S PALSY”. I was so scared hearing that word. What could be this Bell’s palsy thing.
Okay what is a Bell’s Palsy?
Bell’s palsy weakens or paralyzes the muscles on one side of the face. When something is paralyzed, it can’t move, so half of the person’s face might look stiff or droopy. The paralysis does not last forever, but someone who has it will have trouble moving one side of his or her face.
Bell’s palsy can develop over a matter of days. Because it can happen suddenly, someone might think the problem is a stroke — when a blood vessel in the brain gets clogged or bursts. Like Bell’s palsy, a stroke can paralyze a person’s face. But Bell’s palsy is caused by nerve trouble and isn’t as serious as a stroke. Bell’s palsy can be scary, but it usually doesn’t last long and goes away without treatment.
Bell’s palsy was named after a Scottish doctor, Sir Charles Bell, who studied the two facial nerves that direct how the face moves. You have one facial nerve for each side of your face. These nerves send messages from the brain to the face. Through these messages, the facial nerves control the muscles of your face, forehead, and neck.
Facial nerves control the expressions you make — like raising your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut, or smiling. Each facial nerve starts in the brain, goes through the skull in a narrow tube of bone, and exits the skull behind the ear. From there, it splits into smaller branches of nerves that attach to the muscles of the face, neck, and ear. Other small nerve branches run to the glands that make saliva, the glands that make tears, and the front of the tongue.
Okay, then after that our doctor prescribed me a medicine called Polynerve. On Jan 2, my hubby rushed me to the ER of UPHR and I was given steriods. I was freaking out when they told me it will take MONTHS before I can get my face back.
I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking which I love to do. I’ve got lots of plans after giving birth like looking for a job and all. But now I am stuck here at home feeling miserable. The only thing that gave me strength right now is my baby..
I hope to get well within two weeks. Please to those who will be able to read this blog, please pray for my fast recovery.. I have to do what I’ve got to do for my newborn son 
Thanks guys…
Part 2 – My life story
20 Oct 2009 1 Comment
in Anything goes, Family, Life, Personal Tags: Family, Life, personal life, realization
Alright after receiving that heart warming and uplifting email from my aunt, my life has changed. I made a lot of realization now. I never had the genuine love from my family. All these years, I thought I was doing okay, being neglected and all. Why do I say I was neglected? I never experienced them genuinely care how I really feel. Even if I am in front of them and other people, they would tell those people how bad I am. I thought I would be fine because I learned to build walls around me.
But behind that wall, I gathered all my strength just in case they will be successful hurting me again. Since I was a kid, I can’t remember where my mom would hug me and comfort me whenever I cry or sad. I grew up with nanny. Whenever I try to approach my mom and tries to tell her “Hey mom, I’ve got a problem”, she would start yelling and accusing me of starting that problem.
I remember when I was in high school, we all know how high school works. Bullies are everywhere. I joined this COCC (Cadet Officer Candidate Course) so I can be an officer when I’m on my 4th year. I was bullied and was even threatened that I will be beaten up by some 4th year high school girls. I was alone in that school, I only have few friends but sad to say, fighting isn’t their style. So to my fear going to school, I called up my mom and cried and beg her to transfer to another school. I explained what happened and the only reply I got from her was “Are you taking drugs?”.. From then on, I know I have to survive. I worked my best to be able to get that acceleration test for me to enter college. I passed, with flying colors.
Then when I was in college, I learned that survival… Whenever I’ve got problems, I never tell it to her. Why? I would only get some physical abuse from her or verbal so why would I even bother right.
I graduated in college, my aunt who sent me to school (the one who sent the email) instilled in my head that I need to finish college so I can work for my family. I worked hard and during my college days, I would only get PHP100 a week for allowance, I go to school with a tricycle that costs me PHP10 and walk going home after school. My school starts at 12 noon and ends at 6 pm or sometimes 9, so its bearable for me to walk from school going home.
I graduated when I was 18, worked and my mind says I have to work for my family. Whenever I get my salary, I would only leave enough money for me to survive for the next payday and the rest goes to my family. I try and look for every possible way to get a higher pay. I don’t want to experience again what I’ve been through during my college days.
Our family business was bankrupt. My dad is sick and our small business which he set up after the bankruptcy barely even covers our daily expense. There were times when we have to share one plastic of bread bun (there’s 6 of us) for the whole day. We would usually ask our neighbor who has a store for some goods in credit. That stuck in my head.
So when I finally got a job just right after graduation, I told myself, it won’t happen to me again. I worked so hard that I even neglect buying rewards for my hard work. Coz I feel bad and would always think that “Hey I need to save this money so I can use this for our expenses in our house”. All throughout my working career, I never had the chance to buy those expensive cellphone gadgets nor shop for clothes. All of my stuff were hand me down clothes of my aunt from US which she sends through package. In my mind, whenever I see something I like to buy, I would tell myself, ” Not now, there’s a package coming”.
I deprived myself having some luxuries because I’m thinking of being responsible for house expenses. I saved my money, just in case someone would be sick. And it happened, my dad was confined. He got sick and everything I saved were gone.
I never regret that, don’t get me wrong. But what I can’t accept is being accused of killing my father. And being selfish and all. Don’t I have the right to complain that I’m tired? Don’t I have the right to say how I feel. Despite all of my efforts to provide for my family, all I get were criticisms. Comments that would usually break my heart.
I don’t know if I am that bad. I just want to be happy now. And that happiness is what I found from my hubby. My hubby gave me things I deprived myself for a long time. And even helped me out to bring back the self esteem I lost because of those hurting words I got from my own family and relatives. And I realized, hey I’ve been living my life like a robot. All my life, I gave it to my family. Thinking it is my responsibility to make them comfortable regardless of my own happiness. I realized, I have lived my life in guilt because after my father died, they instilled in my head, it was my fault my father died. (My father died in ICU because of complications of diabetic.) I realized, I lived my life trying to please other people and depriving myself from own happiness. I realized that all these time, regardless of what I do, it will never be enough for them. I realized that I sacrificed having a good life just because I want give good and comfortable life to my family. I realized that I may owe them because they provide for my schooling and they feed when till I was in college but that doesn’t mean I have to take shits from them. I have worked right after college and didn’t give myself anything as a reward for my hardwork.
With these realizations, I came to a decision…. I will live my life first for my baby now and my hubby. I don’t want to neglect it and deprive myself again from happiness that I deserve. I will live my life to the fullest now…
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE WITH REGRETS. NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE EASY BUT I KNOW IT’S GONNA BE WORTH IT…
A very heartwarming letter from my aunt…
18 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
in Anything goes, Family, Personal Tags: cruel words, open letter
I don’t know but I just cant take it anymore. I know I should be posting a personal email to me specially if its something that isn’t so good. But hey, this is my blog. This is my own space right? Anyways, I will be posting it here and try my best to translate it in English for those people who can’t understand Tagalog… Here it goes:
My aunt October 12 at 9:25am Report
Son,
Siguro kahit puro baba-e ang mga anak mo wala ka ring suerte, hamak mo para ka nilang ginagawa na parang katulong, particularly si (ME). (Maybe even your children were all girls, you still have no luck. Imagine, you were being treated like a maid particularly (ME))
I dont understand bakit ganyan ang mga iyan parang di ka niya nanay.Dios ko , Day mula tayo naging bata di man lang natin nagawa iyan kay Nanay.Ni panty natin di ni Nanay na narasan na palabhin nation siya kahit ano sa mga gamit natin. (I dont understand why they are like that as if you were not their mother. For Christ sake, Day since we were kids we were not able to do that to our mother.Our mom never experienced washing any of our clothes not even our underwears)
Day, naka-awa ka sa situation mo siguro kasi ang tingin nila sa iyo walang pera , di ko sukat akala-in itong si (ME), bakit ganyan siya sa iyo kay ED, nahalos ibuhos mo ang buhay mo sa kanila, ganyan pa ang trato niya sa iyo para kang mutchacha tratuhin. (Day, I feel bad for your situation, maybe they think you don’t have money. I cannot imagine (ME), why she’s like that to you where in you almost give your whole life for them and yet they are still treating you like this, like their maid.)
Minsan pagnai-sip kita, na-aawa talaga ako sa iyo. Sa tatlo mong anak alam ko kong sino tlaga ang magmamahal sa iyo at patunayan ko sa iyo kong sino ang walang kuwenta din pagdating ng oras. (Sometimes, when I think of you, I feel bad for you. With your three kids, I know who really loves you and I will prove to you who among them is useless to you in the future)
Isa ito sa mga advises ko sa iyo noong mga bata pa tayo, pero sinunod mo ang puso mo di utak, ako utak ang pina-iral pero sabihin ko pang nakarating man ako kong sa-an minahal ko ang mga magulang natin . (This is one of my advises to you since we were kids, but you still follow your heart and not your head. I used my head but even if I say I get to where I am now, I loved our parents.)
Di ko nagawa kila nanay ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo.I’m so sorry, sis.Haya-an mo Day, pag-uwi ko sa July magkikita tayo kahit sa-sn pero di sa mga anak natatakot ako sa kanila. (I never did what (ME) has done to you. I’m so sorry ss. Don’t worry, when I go there by July, we will see each other but never your children since I am afraid of them).
Nakakilabot ang mga bibig nila at mga ugali… I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary at nakapangilabot isipin . (Their mouth and attitudes are scary. I will stay in Manila but not with your children. It’s scary)
Take it easy baka ikamatay mo pa ang ginagawa ni EDEN sa iyo na para kang Maid.(palamunin ka na pala niya, sabi ko sa iyo umalis kana diyan sa partment na iyan .)nakalimot na siya na mas marami siyang utang sa iyo kahit tambakan para siya. (Take it easy coz whatever (ME) is doin to you might cause your death because she is treating you like a maid. (she’s feeding you already huh. Leave that apartment. She already forget that she owes you alot even if she works her whole life)
Take it easy sis marunong ang dios. (Take it easy sis, God knows best)..
Alright now here’s my side…
1.) since I graduated in college when I was 18, I never had the chance to enjoy my own salary. Why? Because it was in my head that my aunt sent me to college so I can work for my family after I graduated. So after graduation, I’m lucky to found a job. Whatever I am earning, I would only set aside money enough for me to survive till my next payout. NO EXTRA MONEY SET ASIDE FOR CLOTHES OR OTHER LEISURE. I always budget my money even with my last job that I should not exceed certain amount for my food and transpo. Everything is calculated. If I overspend today, rest assured I will cut down something for my tomorrow’s expense.
2.) 10 years of working straight ( graduated from college when I was 18), and I never had the chance to buy anything for myself. Not even a brand new phone. Everything else, came from my aunt’s hand me down clothes that she sent through package. I never had the chance to experience shopping for my clothes, shoes, coz what I would usually think is the house expenses I have to pay when payday comes.
3.) I worked for call center for almost 5 years. Without me experiencing a day shift. Everything is GRAVEYARD SHIFT. So I was like an owl for 5 years. Why? Of course because of the extra pay I would get through night diff and other perks. I was able to save 350K. I was saving this because I want to start a rice dealership business. But unfortunately, my dad was hospitalized and died after a week. So everything i saved went there.
But last Wednesday, my mom told me I killed my father. Why? Because I gvae him heartaches and the likes. See, since my father died, my family accused me of killing my father. All my life, I never said or mention any problem to them.
I remember whenever I’ve got problem in school before and tries to talk to my mom, she would just yell at me, spank me, slap me, grab my hair, pinch me or sometimes strangled me. So I grew up with my nanny. I’ve went a lot since m high school days, its all in me but I never told anybody in my family. Because I know nobody would care to listen.
So now I finished college and worked, I worked hard for them. Not even thinking whether I will be sick or not. What’s important is for me to earn and gave them money. But despite this, it’s never enough.
I never treated my mom like a maid. I can do my own thing, but she would clean my room, wash my clothes in her own free will. I asked her to get a maid once, and she got me a maid who spreads gossip in the neighborhood that she wishes me to lose my baby. So I fired her. Then I asked her again to find me one but now, she refused. Coz she wants someone whom she can control and spreads gossip too.
I don’t understand why she has to make up stories about me, my sister or my brother so she can get money from my Aunt in US. I feel so so bad. All these years that I worked my ass for them, I didn’t know I’m still the bad one. I really don’t know what to do.
I have my own family now, and until the day she was here, I am the one paying the house rent, electricity, water bills, grocery AS IN EVERYTHING! It has been like that since I graduated.
All these time, I thought I was really bad. Until I met my hubby who tries to bring back my self esteem which I lost becase f the cruel comments I received from my family.
Sometimes I wanna go away from them. Have no contact or whatsoever with them. I was only asking my mom to pay me the house rent which she lent to her friend since her friend needs stethoscope for her son. Imagine STETHOSCOPE VS. OUR HOUSE. And it’s alright is she asked permission from me first but she never did. When we asked we have 3 months left behind already with the rent. I badly need that money, so I can move out and look for a new place. But I doubt if she will ever pay me. 
I never killed my father. God knows how much I worked hard for them. Why am I still the bad one in this story.
ATTEMPTED CARNAPPING AND ABDUCTION
18 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
I got this email from my Fil-Chi group… Hope this will serve as a warning to everyone who usually travels everyday going to work, meetings etc…
I know that this articlemight be too long to read but I am requesting that you please just givetime to read everything meticulously. This will help you a lot to bemore aware of your surroundings when driving. This isabout the attempted carnapping incident that I experienced last night,Oct 5.
FLAG DOWN Modus Operandi.
At about 10pm last night Imade a turn towards our main avenue in a village just by the Eastservice road in Sucat. I noticed a car was behind me but didn’t thinkmuch of it as we were already approaching the entrance to our village. Just right after we passed by the guard house, this particular carzoomed right pass by me to overtake. I thought perhaps it was just ahomeowner hurrying to get home after a long and tiring day.
My house is situated alongthe main avenue, and sad to say, the street does not have enoughsecurity and lighting as this is along the perimeter of our village. Our village guards are stationed only at the entrance and within thevillage. Just when I was 2 houses away from my gate, the car, now infront of me, hurriedly parked on the other side of the street. Thepassenger door suddenly opened and this policeman “1″ got out andwalked directly to the side of the road I was driving at. At thispoint, my speed was at a minimum because I had just passed a hump onthe road. I had to stop the car because he was blocking my way and thefirst thing that came to my mind was that if I go ahead and ignore him,he might actually fire at me seeing that he was a cop. Upon stoppingthe car, he asked me to open the window on my side. I did so but withlittle space, just enough to hear whatever he has to say. He demandedthat I give him my car registration at once. I asked him right awaywhat this was about and his only answer to me was “Naka-flag kasi etongkotse mo”. I was puzzled by his answer but gave him anyway my carregistration thinking that if I just present to him whatever he wants,we can end this as quickly as possible since I know I didn’t commit anyviolations. Upon presenting him my car registration, he quickly passedit on to Policeman “2″who suddenly appeared behind him at that point. This policeman 2 then ordered me toopen my hood. Irritated now, I asked them again what this was about,but still I got the same answer – “Naka-flag kasi ang kotse mo”. Iopened my hood and policeman 2went to the front of the car to “check” whatever it was he wanted tocheck.
As policeman 2 was checking myhood, I got surprised when policeman1 knocked on the passenger side window, which was to myright, and asked if he can have a look at my driver’s license. Whywill he bother crossing to the other side of the car when he could’vejust asked it from me by my side? I opened my passenger window againwith just about 3inches of space. I then told him that my house wasjust beyond the curve, about 10 meters away from where we were, andrequested if we can hold the “inspection” there where I can feel safersince I can ask someone from the house to accompany me. To this Ididn’t get any reply. When I finally handed him my license, policeman 2 came back to myside from the front of the car, purposely to distract me. I evenrequested for the 2nd time to policeman 1, angrier this time,if we can proceed to the front of my house and just continue theinspection there. Suddenly, definitely God’s miracle, I turned towardsmy right to look back at policeman2 just in time to see his whole arm inside my car, squeezedin between the tiny open space, trying to open the door lock! Luckily,I have a window visor which makes it extra hard for him to move his arminside. When I saw this, I immediately pulled up the window switch tobring up the windows. He even cried in pain because his whole arm gotwedged in between the window in the process. This time, my irritationquickly transformed to sheer panic because I knew then that somethingwas definitely wrong. BY LAW, NO POLICEMAN IS ALLOWED TO TOUCHANYTHING INSIDE YOUR CAR. When he got his hand out of the car, Iquickly shut the passenger window.
It was then that I noticedpoliceman 2 was alreadypointing an Armalite gun at me by my window. I cannot remember clearlywhat he said but somewhere along the lines of “Buksan/Ibigay/Tumigil kakundi puputukan kita”. I knew then that if I let fear and panicovercome me, I will be in serious danger. I had to be strong and takecontrol. I started honking my horn as loud as I can and as long as Ican to attract attention. I had to try. My sister who was in ourhouse that time even mentioned after the incident that she alreadyrecognized my horn, but was puzzled because it sounded as if I werestill far away. This action clearly disturbed the two policemen (policeman 1 decided to join policeman 2 on my side now) andpoliceman 2 who was holding theArmalite gun became angrier and then held the gun to the frontwindshield pointing it in front of my face roughly tapping the glasswith the gun.
I decided then that I hadto escape. I groped for the paddle shift and hand break and juststepped on the gas. I didn’t care anymore if the Armalite pointed atme would go off. “Bahala na” was my attitude. I had to free myselffrom these two monsters. When I pressed on the gas pedal, I even hitone of them who started walking in front of the car, an attemptprobably to prevent me from driving off. He fell in a crouchingposition but quickly recovered and probably stepped back that’s why Iwas able to drive off. My car hood was still up, I couldn’t see athing but I didn’t care anymore. Luckily, the hood fell down when Ipassed by another hump just a meter away from where I left off. I justkept honking my horn all the way until I reached my house, just 10meters from where all it happened. I didn’t look anymore at myrearview mirror to check if they were behind me. I was focused on ourgate waiting to see when my brother’s feet will appear (good thing ourgate is solid so you won’t see the inside of the house) so that I candrive my car quickly inside as soon as possible. When I was able to doso, I shouted to my brother, “isarado mo na, isarado mo na!” Atricycle driver who witnessed the latter part of the incident testifiedto the same happenings and said that the two policemen went back totheir car and drove off, outside of our village to flee. They did notchase me. Thank God.
After this brief buttraumatic ordeal, I realized that everysingle move that they did was planned and with purpose. All the small details, when put together, make the perfect crime plan.
Their actions were clearlycalculated. To emphasize, their modus operandi is:
1) Carnappersdisguising themselves as Policemen. They were wearing full policeoutfit (blue pants, blue collared polo with police caps). They weredriving a GRAY INNOVA with a “PULIS” sign on the side door.
2) Carnappersdemanding that you show them your car registration and open the carhood. This was a tacticto obscure my line of vision when the hood is up so I couldn’t driveoff. This was also so that passersby will think that nothing wrong isgoing on, just two policemen helping fix the car.
3) Carnappersasking for your license or any document for that matter on the other side of the car,away from you. This was an attempt to open the car door/lockwhile the other policeman was distracting me. If theguy was able to get in the car, I was sure that they were going tobring me with them.
Unfortunately, thesecriminals weren’t apprehended and are walking free as you read this. Probably planning on their next “target”. That’s why I want to sharethis with all of you. To warn you of the dangers lurking around us.
This is definitely an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone else. This can happen toanyone, boy or girl. My car was heavily tinted. Even the frontwindshield was tinted. So we are assuming that I was just at the wrongplace at the wrong time.
Nagbakasakalilang sila, doesn’t matter if I was a boy or a girl, if I was alone ornot. But by God’s grace, I was able to get out of it unharmed.
If you are faced with thisexperience, call for help right away. Attract attention. This is thebest way to get out of this situation. Maintain your presence ofmind. Do NOT panic, panicking will only make matters worse. For”real” police emergency, number to call is 117. This is worth a try. Rather than having your family members or friends rescue you unarmed. Just call family or friends after you’ve called the authorities. Also,make sure to save your village or subdivision’s guard house number soyou can easily call for help when needed.
Please share this with thepeople that you care for so we may all stay away from harm’s way. Thisis not a hoax. This is real life. Let this be a reminder that wecan ONLY trust people that we know. People disguised as the “goodguys” can end up really being the evil ones. It is so sick how peoplecan be this evil when so much suffering is happening around. Pleaseplease please BE SAFE at all times.
If you can share otherexperiences or precautionary measures, please do so to aid everyone onwhat to do in situations like this.
Thank you, God bless andSTAY SAFE.
STEPH
Love quotes
07 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
in Anything goes, Inspirational, Love Tags: Love, quotes
A girl love this boy. but the boy didn’t mind. One day the girl got sick
and was about to die. Then the boy asked, Why are you leaving me?
then the girl answered, so I can be your angel and love you forever
Would you be my angel, to have and to hold?
Would you be my rose, to cherish more than gold?
I love you so much. I wish you were mine, but all I can do is wait till that time.
People only realize what they had after they lose it, so hold onto what you have and never let it go.
As you look back upon your life, you find the times when you have most lived, are the times when you have lived for love
I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade and people change
I’m living every moment like its my last No longer letting my future be based on my past
Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.
I would give up everything for one moment with you; for one moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you
Love is not measured by how you feel, but how you make the other person feel.
You don’t marry someone you can live with. – you marry the person who you cannot live without.
Sad thoughts
26 Aug 2009 5 Comments
It;s 4:30 am and I am still up. Still thinking for what I should have done to make things right. I have been a dreamer I must say. I dream for perfect endings, but it seems like no matter how I try to have it that way, that ending is impossible to have.
I almost believe that what’s going on with my life will always have a fairy tale ending. Wherein I will happily ever after. But is having that happy ending really hard to get?
I have tried to have it that way, maybe sometimes I’m a dreamer. I’m dreaming of having a perfect life. Where I will always have the life I have been dreaming, but what if the person you want to be part of that life isn’t ready to do same things with you? What if he has different perspective in life, say, be content with what he can give you and not having an extra effort in changing things you always argue or disagree about? Is it worth holding on?
Life is too short, and right now, I want to live my life to the fullest. I may not be able to see things those things when I am finally home. Yes, home, a place where I hope I won’t feel the pain.
Is it worth holding on or it is time to let go…? The pain is too much to bear now, it’s all inside me. I try not to cry, but I cannot help it. Reality bites.
One thing I have learned is sometimes, when you think that a person can’t live without you will choose you always, it’s not all the time… Sometimes, that very person will choose that toy over you. Don’t be too secured of your standing in that person’s life. Coz if the time comes that you ask him to choose, you may not like the choice he will make.
Toy vs. the one you love – it doesn’t always have to be the one you love. Most of the time, people will choose toys. I still don’t get it until now. My head spins and I am trying to crack my head out to understand why.. But it always ends up in “I think I am just not good enough”.
Right now, live with my child, that’s what is important. I have been hurt many times. A lot of times… And in those times, I am always alone. No family or friends to talk to. Trying to conceal the real happenings with both of us. I wish it’s easy the way you take things. If you cannot accept it, then go. Yes maybe in time I’ll go. But with the remaining of my life, I want to spend it with you. My life is too short… And if with my remaining life means loving you together with the pain I have inside, maybe I will stick.
I just hope that when I’m gone, you will remember me with a smile. Life is too short to worry about us being 50+. But it does feels good to think I will have that chance to reach that age, with you and our child.
Please take care of our child if ever I’m gone. Hug her and kiss her for me. Tell her how much I love both of you. You will always have my heart. Where ever I am, I will still look after you and love you even from afar..
It just not good enough
23 Aug 2009 4 Comments
Started my Sunday feeling well and happy then turned into disaster.
I dont know if it’s my fault asking and telling my ex-house help daughter for waivers in school whenever they have field trips, film showing to be held on non-schooling days. As you all know, I used to have a househelp and since I cannot tolerate her irresponsible gossiping with our neighbors about me, my family and other tenants of our townhouse, I asked her to leave. With her leaving, she left her daughter to us who is in college. The kid decided to stay since if she will go with her mom, she will be stopping from college.
So, it is very obvious it is my responsibility to whatever happens to this kid right? I just simply told her not to do again what she’s been doing to me for this whole week, telling me she needed to go to the field trip on the night before she leaves. Is it right? I dont think so. Whenever we ask for waiver, she would tell us she doesn’t have it, it is okay if I didn’t go to college and know the rules.
Just this morning, after me and my hubby had this wee hour breakfast, we were discussing about “when it is just not good enough”. And just this morning, when I was talking to the kid about permission before leaving and going to any school activities, since my hubby said if she can’t keep up with our house rules, she is free to go and live on her own, my mom just retorted back saying “she already asked permission from me”. It is okay if she will be liable to this kid but she’s not. And told her not to meddle, to my horror, she was about to throw me the computer mouse. It’s ironic that even my husband pays for the rent of this house, this is still not my house. I pay for everything here, electricity,rent, food and all utilities and still this is not my house. hahahaha how ironic isn’t it? It will never be good enough I guess no matter what you do. I know I am not asking too much from the kid, I just don’t want to have any loopholes for her stupid mom to get back on me if something happened to her, am I right guys? Please tell me if what I’m asking from this kid is too much…
As of the moment, I want to get away from them. I packed my things and thinking of looking for another house anytime… I guess it will be better to live on my own than continue living with them where I shoulder everything and yet I don’t have the right to set the rules for the house… What dyou think?
The countdown begins
12 Mar 2009 5 Comments
Oh well I am waiting for the 24th.. Dang didn’t expect it would be this long haha.. I am waiting when I will miss my period, and if that happens, I will be the luckiest and happiest woman in this world. I am waiting for our lil angel to come. We’ve been disappointed the last time but I hope this time, it will be for real now. The excitement overwhelms all the time. I in fact bought pregnancy book and hoping that I will have baby soon. My hubby and I hopes that it will be a baby girl. And we shall name her Althea Nicole. If its a boy, it will be Iñigo Miguel. It’s not very obvious we are very excited huh?! Anyways, on the 24th is the day I am waiting… If I will miss my period or not. hehe
Till next time…
Friday the 13th…
13 Feb 2009 Leave a Comment
in Anything goes Tags: friday the 13th, Life, Personal
I honestly don’t know what to post or something. But a lot of us believe that Friday the 13th is unlucky well I guess yes it is.
Right now I feel nothing. Maybe still shocked and disoriented still with what happened. I didn’t expect that I will get my “redundancy letter” today. Stroke of bad luck, I will no longer have a job soon.
I don’t want to lose hope, I know I will find a job soon. I just hope and pray I will..
Cant write anything right now, my mind is shattered and I don’t even know if I”m writing it to release what I feel. I am worried about my family now. Specially I am sending my niece to school.
Oh well, ces’t lavie. I entrust everything to you Lord.
God thy will be done..
Missing you
29 Jan 2009 2 Comments
in Anything goes Tags: Love, love letter, Personal
Dear Love,
I wish I didn’t have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any happier. But then again, I know that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every waking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping!
I love you, babe. You are my first and my only love, and I thank you for be so kind with my heart. Hopefully, soon I won’t have to hate missing you.
Love Always,
Baby
Back to work
11 Jan 2009 2 Comments
in Anything goes Tags: new year, Personal, work
Tomorrow will be my first day back to work. I dunno what to expect and what to do. After long hiatus of being professional, I know it will need time again for me to be able to grasp my daily routine.
This year, we will be moving to new office. I will definitely miss our great building today. We got great lobby and a very impressive facade. But I guess it would be better to move to smaller office than losing our jobs right?
Oh well, tomorrow is another day for a new yea. I hope this year will be a better year for us.
I’ll cross my fingers.. Till then
2009 Resolutions
30 Dec 2008 2 Comments
in Anything goes, Personal Tags: New Year's resolution, Personal
2009 is almost coming, today is 30th already and one more day its the first day of the year. I would normally make New Year’s resolutions however, out of say 5 I made, I will only be able to achieve 3 of those. I would normally wonder why, but I realized, its more on, I would normally find reason why its impossible for me to achieve it.
But this year, I have resolutions again which I have started working this year. Its more on continuation of the things I have started already:
1. Lose more weight.. Yeah I have lost 30 lbs already in one month. And not bad if I lose more say 10-15 more lbs.
2. Get a new job. Oh well eventhough I am waiting for a new job, I will still try to look for new job too. Better have a fallback than nothing at all.
3. Have a baby. Yes once I lost weight, me and my hubby are planning to have our little angel next year. We hope it’s gonna be a baby girl. Since we will be naming our name as Althea Nicole. But if its gonna be a baby boy, it will be Inigo Miguel. Cute isn’t it?
4. Start a little business. By saving more this year, I might be able to start again my online store. I used to have an online store but I never had the chance to take it seriously since I am too scared that I may not be able to get back my capital. But hey, if I will not take the risk, how will my money earn aight?
5. Be the best partner and mother. Once we have our baby, I hope and will try my best to be the best I can be. I am trying to be the best partner he can have right now and I just hope that I can also be a good mom.
Right now these are the resolutions I made. And I hope I will be able to achieve all.
Till next year’s resolutions… Ciao!
YOU’RE ONLY A POLITICIAN AND NOT GOD!
28 Dec 2008 6 Comments
in Anything goes, Personal Tags: abuse, golf, Politicians, power trip, Sec. Pagandaman, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman
I was blog hopping this morning when i stumble on Demetia’s blog about this incident with a politician and current cabinet member of PGMA. I was amazed that these people are still alive. They should be burned in hell. They’re not God, they’re just politicians who happens to have power in our country but they DO NOT HAVE RIGHTS TO ABUSE THEIR POWER ON OTHER PEOPLE. These politicians should be reprimanded or worst remove them from the face of the earth.
I’ll re-post the blog that I read and until now it made me furious… Read on and be the judge…
So, I just had the worst day of my life.
At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.
This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.
My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they’re with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn’t give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head…”Sorry na po, sorry na po…tama na…tama na po…” With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.
Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: “Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!” And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He’s the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He’s the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He’s a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.
I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: “Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta’y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?”
The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, “Tatandaan kita!” And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother’s bad for defending his father?!
We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he’s dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face “they’re beating my father up and you want me to stop?!” I pull at his shirt-I don’t let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn’t even see my brother getting beat up.
People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.
My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino’s right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor’s bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. “Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila…Maam…umalis na po kayo please…”
I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn’t do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.
Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn’t it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother’s ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.
The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.
Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.
Source: http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html
Happy monthsary my love
22 Dec 2008 2 Comments
in Anything goes, Love, Personal
Well my computer clock says 3:46 A.M. and here I am still up and thinking of…. in fact i realized, I am thinking of nothing…
Later, my love will be here so we can wait together the 12 A.M. first hour of our monthsary. We’ve been together for only 5 months and yet we are both saying it seems like years already. We are so much in love that we cant stop but talk having future together.
I have learned a lot from him. From being tough to being wise about life. We compliment each other. His weakness is my strength and vice versa.
I don’t know what will I be if ever he will be gone. I have seen myself spending the rest of my life with this wonderful guy. I’m just so lucky to have him.
He cries over me, just the thought of losing me, brings him to tears. Saw that already and I believe that.I asked him why he was crying over me, he said there are a lot of girls out there with different price tags.. But I’m the only one and a very rare and precious one that no price tags can compare… I find it very very flattering..
Oh well, what can I say.. Nothing just I Love you Baby and thanks for loving. I can’t promise you that we will have a perfect relationship but what I can promise is to love you the perfect way I know…
Happy monthsary… I love you
English Facts
12 Dec 2008 4 Comments
in Anything goes Tags: english, facts, language, trivia
I received this from my officemate and I thought it would be great to share with you some English facts:
Interesting Facts:
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English
language is “screeched.”
2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends
in the letters “mt”.
3. No word in English language rhymes with
“month,” “silver,” “purple,” or “orange.”
4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called
an octothorpe.
5. The symbol used in many URLs (Web addresses)
is called a tilde. (~)
6. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
7. The word “set” has more definitions than any
other word in English.
8. “Underground” is the only word in English that
begins and ends with the letters “und.”
9. There are only four words in the English language
which end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous,
stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language,
according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of
letters is its plural:
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses.
12. The longest place-name still in use is
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu,
the Maori name of a hill in New Zealand.
13. Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra
Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula” and
can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, L.A.
14. The verb “cleave” has definitions which are
antonyms of each other: to adhere and to separate.
15. The verb “sanction” also has definitions which
are antonyms: to sponsor and to ban.
16. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
17. There is a seven-letter word in English that
contains eleven words without rearranging any of its
letters, “therein”: the, there, he, in, rein, her,
here, ere, I, therein, herein.
18. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that
is typed with only the left hand.
19. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine
different ways; the following sentence contains them
all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman
strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling
into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”
20. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without
repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable.”
21. “Facetious” and “abstemious” contain all the vowels in
the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning “containing
arsenic.”
22. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian
phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”
23. Only three words have entered English from Czech:
polka, pilsner, and robot.
Friendship and love
24 Sep 2008 1 Comment
in Anything goes Tags: frie, Friendship, Inspirational, Life, Love
- Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
- Don’t cry over anyone who won’t cry over you.
- Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
- You can only go as far as you push.
- Actions speak louder than words.
- The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
- Don’t let the past hold you back; you’re missing the good stuff.
- Life’s short. If you don’t look around once in a while, you might miss it.
- A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.
- If you think that the world means nothing, think again. You might mean the world to someone else.
- When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there
- True friendship never ends.
- Friends are forever.
- Good friends are like stars….You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.
- Don’t frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
- What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
- NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. (Isn’t that the truth?)
- Everything is okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.
Most people walk in and out of you life. But only True friends leave footprints in your heart.
When we look back on our younger years, we will remember the people who went to school with us, the people who made us laugh, the people who hung out with us when nobody else would, and the people who made our lives much better simply by being a part of it.
There may be somebody who is thinking about you RIGHT NOW and wishing that you were around. That’s the wonderful thing about friendship-you always feel loved and cared about.
The most important thing to remember is… Always appreciate the friends that you have.
A fight may come and go very easily, but a friendship could last forever.
For every second spent in anger, a minute of happiness is wasted.
Dooms day
25 Jul 2008 Leave a Comment
in Anything goes Tags: 2001, December 12, Doomsday, prophecy
Everybody is aware that on this date, the Mayan calendar will end. There have been prophesies that this will be the end of day. I know I am scared too. However I would like to share to you the article that I have read.
Prophecies throughout time have named this as the end time, movement to a golden age, gold referencing the alchemy of time and consciousness. To examine the accelerating physical Earth changes and consciousness of humanity, recognizing and healing its issues, is to understand this evolutionary process and what is occurring. There are many factors linked to December 21, 2012 back into light, from which the human biogenetic came. The best barometer for you, is your own intuition, which will allow you to sense great changes. Dreams and meditation will also guide this part of your journey.
On December 21, 2012, for the first time in approximately 26,000 years, the Sun will rise to conjunct the intersection of the Milky Way (eye, heart, center) and the ecliptic plane. The sun aligning with the galactic center, is referred to as the Cosmic Cross. According to the ancient Maya, this date will mark the end of one world as we know it and the beginning of another. It is considered to be an embodiment of the Sacred Tree, The Tree of Life, a Tree remembered as sacred in all the world’s spiritual traditions. Emerging from this tree, or star alignment, comes a serpent (DNA) rope with an enlightened being named Nine (9, Closure) Winds (Wormholes, Spirals, StarGates, SG, Sacred Geometry). Nine Winds is Quetzalcoatl riding upon a blessed substance the Mayans called ‘itz’ (it’s Z).
The Milky Way Galaxy is the inspiration for the symbol of the Ouroboros. Mythology refers to a serpent of light residing in the heavens. The Milky Way is this serpent, and viewed at galactic central point near Sagittarius, this serpent eats its own tail. The Milky Way galaxy keeps a great time cycle that ends in catastrophic change. The sign of the Suntelia Aion is the sun rising out of the mouth of the ouroboros, which will occur on the winter solstice December 21, 2012 at 11:11 UT. Ancient historians, including Plato referred to a cycle of catastrophe at the End of the Age. The AION was symbolized by the Ouroboros.
The Mayan Calendar
The Mayan Calendar was allegedly created by Quetzalcoatl.December 21, 2012: The Long Count calendar used by the Maya civilization of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica completes its thirteenth b’ak’tun cycle since the calendar’s mythical starting point (equivalent to 3114 BCE August 11 in the proleptic Gregorian calendar, according to the “GMT-correlation” JDN= 584283). The Long Count b’ak’tun date of this starting point (13.0.0.0.0.0) is repeated, for the first time in a span of approximately 5,125 solar years. The significance of this period-ending to the pre-Columbian Maya themselves is unclear, and there is only a single known but incomplete inscription (Tortuguero Stela 6) which records this date. However, it is conjectured that this may represent in the Maya belief system a transition from the current Creation world into the next. A number of modern synchretisms and “New Age” theories co-opt this period-ending into their own speculations on the meaning of this “ending” of a Maya calendar cycle. The December solstice for 2012 also occurs on this day; to the majority of Mayanist scholars this is seen as no more than a coincidence, and the Maya did not deliberately devise their calendar so that this period would end on a solstice point.
Mayan Calendar and 11:11 UT, Universal Time.
2012
month day hour 2012
month
day
hour
minute month
day
hour
minute
Perihelion
Jan
5
00
Equinoxes
Mar
20
05
14
Sept
22
14
49
Aphelion
July
5
03
Solstices
June
20
23
09
Dec
21
11
11
Cherokee Calendar
Prophecy: 2004 and 2012 bring an alignment both on the Cherokee Calendar and in the heavens of the Rattlesnake Constellation. It is the time of the doublehead serpent stick. It is the time of the Red of Orion and Jupiter against White Blue of Pleiades and Venus. It is the time of the Uku’s choosing. It is the time of the Beloved Woman and Mysteries of Time Untime. It is the Time Untime of the Thunderbolt and the spirits of Lightning Mountains. Rattlesnake or serpent represents the human DNA biogenetic experiment.
Terence McKenna
Terence McKenna (November 16, 1946 – April 3, 2000) was a writer, philosopher, and ethnobotanist. He is noted for his many speculations on the use of psychedelic, plant-based hallucinogens, and subjects ranging from shamanism, the development of human consciousness, and the Novelty Theory – Time Wave: Zero Point.
Novelty Theory predicts the ebb and flow of novelty in the universe as an inherent quality of time. McKenna developed the theory in the mid-1970s after his experiences in the Amazon at La Chorrera led him to closely study the King Wen sequence of the I-Ching. Novelty theory involves ontology, extropy, and eschatology.The theory proposes that the universe is an engine designed for the production and conservation of novelty. Novelty, in this context, can be thought of as newness, or extropy (a term coined by Max More meaning the opposite of entropy). According to McKenna, when novelty is graphed over time, a fractal waveform known as “timewave zero” or simply the “timewave” results. The graph shows at what time periods, but never at what locations, novelty increases or decreases.
Considered by some to represent a model of history’s most important events, the universal algorithm has also been extrapolated to be a model for future events. McKenna admitted to the expectation of a “singularity of novelty”, and that he and his colleagues projected many hundreds of years into the future to find when this singularity (runaway “newness” or extropy) could occur. The graph of extropy had many enormous fluctuations over the last 25,000 years, but amazingly, it hit an asymptote at exactly December 21, 2012.
In other words, entropy (or habituation) no longer exists after that date. It is impossible to define that state. The technological singularity concept parallels this, only at a date roughly three decades later. According to leading expert Ray Kurzweil), another concept called cultural singularity (essentially cultural dissolution, or language dissolution), parallels this as well.
McKenna claimed to have no knowledge of the Mayan calendar, which ends exactly the same day that the Timewave graph does: December 21, 2012.
Venus Transit
The next transit of Venus will occur on June 6, 2012. In Astrology, some believe that a doorway opened during the Venus Transit on June 8, 2004 and highlights in June 2012. This is close to the end time date in my screenplay “2012 The Alchemy of Time” adapted from my book 2012 Sarah and Alexander.
Astrology
The center of the Milky Way Galaxy is 26º 54 minutes Sagittarius. It approaches 27º 0 minutes in the year 2010. In the year 2012 the galactic center will be 27º 1 minute. If your birthday is on or around December 18, you are aligned with the sun pointing to the center of the galaxy. People born on this date include Brad Pitt and Steven Spielberg.
For more articles about this prophecy, here is another link http://www.greatdreams.com/2012.htm
French Beat Boxer
16 Jun 2008 Leave a Comment
in Anything goes, Life, Music Tags: amazing, beat box, bravo, French, Music, unique
Watch this video. He is so great. Bravo!
