I hope this is it…
I’m having this weird bleeding since last week. Not a regular menstruation I guess but rather a very short or most likely spotting only. I wonder if this what you call ‘implantation bleeding’. I am expecting to have my period this 24th, but I am hoping and praying that I am really pregnant. According to my doctor, I am showin’ signs of a pregnant woman, coz if I do now, I am on my third week.
But things aren’t always goin’ smoothly lately. Most of the times I feel so alone and just tryin to cover all the pains inside me. I try to smile so no one would know that I am hurting..
I guess I am good at it. Been good at it the longest time I can remember.
Now May 15 is also near, I need to prepare myself for looking for a new job. I cannot afford to be totally dependent on my bf. Especially if I am pregnant. I need to find a new job before May ends.
In these past three months, all I do is wonder. Whether I would still want a 8-5 job or I would want to set up my own biz. I will be getting a separation pay and I might use it for small biz. But darn, deep inside of me I am scared. What if the biz won’t work out? What will happen to me and my baby if in case?
A lot of things have been goin’ on my head. I have no one to talk to. I envy those people who have a lot of friends. I do have friends but they are too far right now. Some of them, they just left me. Now I am missing Jen.. I wish she’s here.
And right now, my bf and I argue a lot. And sometimes, I just want to give up. But should I give up now if I have a baby now?
Right now, I dunno what to do?
What life is all about…
Life isn’t about keeping score.
It’s not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you’re alone.
It isn’t about who you have kissed,
It isn’t about who your family is or
how much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
Or what kind of music you listen to.
It’s not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown,
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get how smart you are, how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you are.
Life just isn’t.
Life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It’s about who you make happy or unhappy purposely.
It’s about keeping or betraying trust.
It’s about friendship, used as a sanctity or as a weapon.
It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It’s about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It’s about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It’s about who you’ve ignored with full control and intention.
It’s about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It’s about carrying inner hate and love,
letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch or poison
other people’s hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those
choices are what life’s all about.
